There are a few key components that bring men and women together.
Attraction tops the key element list. Physical attraction is the first cue because it is the first thing a person sees in another person. The outward appearance of a potential mate is an evolutionary mental instinct that overrides logic or intelligence. It can be the unspoken bond - - - the initial deep eye contact which some writers call the gateway to another person's soul.
Compatibility is another element. One can be physically attracted to another person, but if the couple does not share mutual interests, have similar morals, have similar goals in life - - - or nothing of substance to talk about - - - their relationship will have a weak foundation. There are some people who get together just for the sexual passion of being with another person with no long term commitment or expectations.
Respect and trust is another element that comes with time. A couple needs to have sufficient time to get to know each other. At a certain point, a person will let down their personal "guard," the space or barrier that keeps outsiders away from that person's inner secrets and desires. Once a person has the respect and trust of another, there is an inherit measure of safety and security that helps cement a true bond of friendship.
Friendship is another key element. Friendship is defined as the the emotions or conduct of friends; a closeness between friends; and a state of mutual trust and support between people. There is an odd split when it comes to friendship. Some believe experience teaches us that lovers can become friends while there is a barrier that friends cannot become lovers. Whether that concept was placed in small human villages as a means of stopping fights between males is better left to an anthropologist's thesis. But in our modern world, there is no reason why men and women who have a true bond of friendship could bloom into lovers.
For the happiest couples often say that their mate is "their best friend." The person who supports them, helps them make decisions, shares life experiences, and is there for the good times and the bad times.
Perhaps that is why many viewers could not see Kate winding up with Jack at the end of LOST. The traditional means of love were backward in their relationship.
The male audience was smitten with Kate when she first appeared on camera. She was the perky, cute, American girl-next-door icon. She was feisty, reckless, witty, and fun. Men were immediately attracted to her. And Kate knew this; she used her charms to her advantage to control men - - - from getting them close to pushing them away.
When she had her quick affair with Sawyer, it was animal lust as they were caged at the Dharma research facility. Both of them never had had a lasting relationship; they used people to their advantage in a cold, con-artist manner. Some believe Kate's actions with Sawyer was only to get Jack to save Ben (the deal she made on the beach) by forsaking any feelings towards her (such as protecting her against the Others). But Kate's relationship continued with Sawyer in the beach camp until she got to close to his secrets (the letter he wrote as a child). As such, Sawyer and Kate split.
Throughout the jungle missions, Kate was always in the background supporting Jack. There were only a few times she sided with some one else, like Locke, but overall Jack could "count" on her. But there was always a hint of trust issues. Jack knew her criminal secret, but he did not care since he believed (rightly so) that the island was a chance for everyone to start fresh with a new beginning.
Relationships are new beginnings. It is an opportunity to discard the past, learn from one's mistakes, and look for the traits that will bring out the best traits in yourself and in your partner.
So when you look at Kate sitting next to Jack in the sideways church, one could think they were never meant for each other but on the other hand their island experience and friendship was so intense and strong that deserved to wind up together.
