What were the basic tenets of the island? Was there a governing system of fundamental rules or beliefs that no one could change?
We are aware that "laws" are created by governments in order to protect basic individual freedoms, like property and person, from harm. But the source of the power to create laws, and the corresponding "order," is not clear cut.
Natural law is among the oldest philosophical traditions. Some of
history's greatest geniuses, from Aristotle to Thomas Jefferson, devoted
their most brilliant arguments to it, often differing about details but
agreeing on the broad outlines. Natural law was the basis on which
America's founders wrote the Constitution.
Among other things, it holds that politics isn't just a matter of
agreement. Instead, principles of justice, or the idea that murder or
theft are wrong, run deeper than government's mere say-so. Those things
are actually wrong, aside from whether or not they are legal—and that
means government itself can act unjustly and even impose rules that
don't deserve the name "law."
That's a view many on both left and right share. The greatest
spokesman for natural law in the twentieth century was probably Martin
Luther King, who denounced segregation not because of its technical
complexities, but because it betrayed the natural law principles of the
Declaration of Independence.
Today, most American judges—including liberals and conservatives—reject
natural law. They embrace a different view, "legal positivism," which
holds that individual rights or concepts of justice are really
manufactured government fiat. The late Justice Antonin Scalia, who was viewed as a strict constitutional constructionist, rejected
natural law arguments. "You protect minorities only because the majority
determines that there are certain minority positions that deserve
protection," he said, not because everyone has basic rights under
natural law.
Still, even those who embrace natural law, including Justice Clarence
Thomas, have their differences. For example, while Thomas and his
allies see natural law as a basis for attacking legal protections for
abortion and euthanasia—because they contradict the sanctity of
life—others believe that natural law theory actually supports these
rights, because it prioritizes individual autonomy.
That debate arises from a central natural-law question: What is the
source of the good? Are things like life or freedom good because they
relate to human purposes—such as the pursuit of a fulfilling life—or are
they just intrinsically good, without any deeper reason? This debate
matters because if life is just inherently good, then even someone
suffering a terminal illness who wants to end his own life should be
barred from doing so because life is good, period. On the other hand, if
life is only good because it serves the goal of happiness, then someone
whose life has become a burden of suffering should be free to end it if
he chooses.
How we act between ourselves is a complex system. Where does one get their moral bearings? From their parents? From their friends? From their experiences? From their genes which may program one's personality traits? From successes or from failures? Or is there something inherit in every person's mind that sorts "right" and "wrong" before we act?
If it is truly an individual decision, then the will of the community is irrelevant. The community can only assert its philosophy after the fact towards someone for their actions. There is individual free will but societal consequences.
But the LOST characters on the island rarely, if any time, had their personal wrongs vetted by a community judge or jury. The island was a moral soup of contradictions. Ben was a mass murderer, but he was allowed to live and eventually go to heaven (the sideways world) while petty diamond thieves Nikki and Paulo were buried to rot in island purgatory. If you try to reconcile these two outcomes, one could argue that Ben was luckier than the criminal couple. Or more popular with the writers and viewers. The latter would diminish the LOST mythology as the foundation of the stories, the character morals and actions are not subject to rules but whims. Did natural law influence the decisions and framework for any island visitor? Or was it merely a game of fiat by the supernatural beings that inhabited the island?
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
ADULT FRIENDSHIPS
A person has the most friends when they are young. Elementary school brings together hundreds of kids and sorts them into classes of 30 or so individuals. Team sports brings together more opportunity to add to the mix of individuals. Friendships form because kids work and play in the same environment, the school and the neighborhood. They are in contact with each other on an almost daily basis.
But as we grow older, friendships change like our individual interests. We may not realize at the time that time itself has begun to cull the friendship herd. You do not have enough hours in the day to socialize with everyone you know. Subsets of friends become more important to you.
Then, hormones take over and attraction to the opposite sex takes priority over the past. This further defines the parameters of one's social circle. Some women want their boyfriend's full and complete attention and affection. Some men want to maintain a level of freedom, going out with the guys to play sports or hang out. Everyone learns to find a balance between old friendships and demands of their most personal relationships.
Things change again when a person is out in "the real world." A job becomes a time consuming task master. Marriage and a family suddenly takes up all the old "free time." There is always something to do in one's home - - - from chores, cleaning, maintenance, kids activities and spousal duties. Even time alone on vacation becomes a logistics project. But those are the strongest bonds that can be made by an individual, in a family unit.
It is rare for adults to make many "new" friends. Colleagues at work may or may not get beyond the casual, professional co-worker status because everyone in the work place has settled into their own off-hours personal routine and lifestyle. It is harder for single people in the work place to find new deep bonds because most companies have anti-fraternization policies. You are in the work place to serve the company objectives and not to find your soul mate.
So how do adults find new adult friends? Instead of feeling sorry for one's self, or accepting the negative habits of one's daily routine, an adult needs to "work" on expanding their horizons, forcing themselves to go out and meet new people at events or places that interest them. The easiest way to open a conversation with a stranger is to have something in common to start with . . . whether it is at a charity event, an art gallery opening, a play or a coffee shop. It is not just introverts that have problems overcoming the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Extroverts have to check their energy levels so as to stop from coming off as a blow-hard or bragger. Everyone knows that first impressions (within a minute or two) are the most important message signals between people. That added pressure to be liked also adds an equal level of anxiety. It is like an NFL kicker lining up a 55 yard field goal to win the game, but this time it is a personal game of life.
You cannot make someone like you or to be your friend. The physics of force (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) does not work in personal relationships. One can forcefully try to impress another person, but that may not give back an equal level of attraction, affection or curiosity. In some situations, when a person "tries too hard," it actually repels a person away.
People are creatures of their own comfort levels. However, if a comfort level in dealing with other people is set so low as to become a hermit, then it creates a level of distrust, depression, loneliness and desperation. Some people then lock themselves in their own fantasy worlds because they cannot emotionally cope with the real world (or the perception of how they have been treated by others). For every time a person turns down a friendship offer, it is like a knife being plunged between two ribs. We all get that Life is hard. It is full of choices and demands. Everyone's path is a different quest for the same benefits of acknowledgement, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and affection.
An article from Fast Company magazine tackled the issue of making adult friendships.
It stated that while social circles increase through early adulthood, friendship networks peak and start to decrease as you move through your twenties, according to a 2013 study published in Psychological Bulletin. Researchers found that the drop in friendships was often due to marriage, parenthood, and a desire to focus on closer relationships.
Unfortunately close relationships aren’t guaranteed to last; a study by Utrecht University. It found that we lose half our close friends every seven years and replace them with new relationships.
Factors include life changes such as moves, career transitions, relationship changes, and different life stages bring a shift in our friendships and frequently leave people drifting apart. Researchers at BYU found that having too few friends is the equivalent mortality risk to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is riskier than obesity.
"When friendships themselves are healthy, they relieve stress, which is extremely beneficial for health. Most people find it hard to create a deep and meaningful friendship in adulthood, but it’s not so hard if you know what to do." says Robert Epstein, of the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology.
To cultivate new friends, a person needs consistency. People like to have friends around for whom they can count on in good times and bad. In children, it is almost automatic because you go to school, summer camp and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood until dinner is ready. Adults rarely have that kind of consistency outside of work.
Counselors suggests joining groups that meet on a regular basis, such as a associations, networking groups, book clubs, classes and workshop because when you join a group, the consistency is built in; people are already showing up without you having to invite them.
The trick is that the friendship is limited to its "container"—the group—until someone initiates gathering outside of it. If friendships aren’t practiced outside of the container, they will most die when the activity or class ends. In other words, being friendly within the confines of a group does not equate to true friendship until you move a relationship outside the parameters of the initial contact group.
Counselors also think that one can use friendship containers as long as possible, but the goal is to move out of them. Start small. Invite work friends out for lunch, happy hour or over to watch the game. The idea is to practice doing other stuff together, and glue more pieces of your lives to each other,. It can take six to eight experiences with someone before you feel like you made a friend.
To deepen relationships, research says you must be willing to be open yourself up to personal topics and disclosures. Vulnerability is the key to emotional bonding, without which relationships tend to feel superficial and meaningless.
Children are naturally put into situations in which they feel vulnerable, such as school, sporting events or on stage in front of a crowded room of parents and classmates. Adults should look for similar scenarios.
If you can put yourself and potential friends in a place of vulnerability, people tend feel needy and provide occasions for other people to provide comfort or support. An example would be to volunteer or get part-time work at a hospital or a charity.
There are times where life circumstances can lead to friendships. A single experience—such as meeting on a vacation—can produce a deep friendship that lasts a lifetime because the experience itself opens people up to share their experiences, opinions and goals. Strangers that become humanized in the eye of someone are no longer strangers. The mind's protective mechanism for protecting against danger is muted by trust.
When you are building friendships, it is important to, work hard to keep the communication upbeat. "Be conscious about the value and joy you're adding to the other person," counselors advise. And that is what friendships are about: adding positive value to a person's life. The quality of friendships help bring out the best in an individual. It is that mutuality of friendship that helps develop close bonds.
This site has written in the past about the main LOST characters and friendships. If there was a takeaway from the Ending would be the reunion was symbolic representation of the characters mutual friendships. And the series journey could be summed up as the path toward true friendships.
A common trait of the main characters was a lack of pre-island friends.
Jack apparently had no real friends. Even when he stood up to the bullies in the schoolyard, and got beaten badly for it, no one stood up for him. It seems that Jack had no siblings. His father was not a friend, but a rival. Even at the hospital, it appeared that Jack was friendly with his colleagues but spent no time with anyone outside of work. And it also was shown that Jack did not have a social life outside of the hospital. It was his "miracle" surgery for Sarah that gave him a girlfriend, then a spouse, then a bitter divorce because Jack lacked the social skills to handle a marital friendship.
Sawyer also appears to be a single child. When his parents were killed, Sawyer is comforted by his uncle. We can assume that Sawyer was then raised with his cousins, but there was no lasting bonds between family members. This was probably because Sawyer had vowed to kill the man that caused his family turmoil. As a result, he turned himself into a lone wolf, an avenger. As a con man, he purposely kept his personal life from his professional thefts. The closest thing he had to a relationship was the ill-fitting, ill-advised fling with Cassiday, one of his marks gone bad. He left her and his infant child to complete his quest of vengeance. We can assume that when Sawyer left the island, he did not return to have a life or relationship with Cassiday since she was not with him in his final journey at the church reunion.
Kate was a popular child because she was the typical girl-next-door, tomboy.We know of one childhood friend, Tom Brennan, the boy who got in trouble with her when she tried to steal a lunchbox. Later, when Kate returned to visit her mother in the hospital, Tom, now a married doctor with a small son, helped Kate get past security. When she confronted her mother seeking support for what she had done (killed her father in an explosion), her mother yelled for security. In the police chase, Tom was killed by a police bullet. One could assume that Kate, an only child, placed her mother as her best friend. When all of her classmates moved on with their lives and their dreams, Kate did not grow or leave her mother's side. Tom, who clearly believed Kate was his first puppy love, did not realize that Kate was not a true friend but merely used him like she did with the other men in her life on the run. She came close to finding friendship with another broken woman, Cassiday, who helped cause a diversion for Kate's escape. Kate never knew of Cassiday's relationship with Sawyer, but Cassiday and her shared one thing in common: the free spirit adventure of living near the edge.
Locke was another only child. But his case was different. He was abandoned by his parents at birth. His mother was institutionalized for mental illness. His father fled to be a con man, and eventually destroying Sawyer's family in the process. Locke always pushed to fit in. In school, he wanted to be part of the "popular" group which would have been the jocks. But his intellect was more science. When counseled to follow an academic path, Locke rebelled to find himself outside any group: academic or sports. He was moved to various foster homes, but never had strong relationships with the other children in those households. Throughout his life, he continued to try to find a substitute family to the discouragement of making normal, traditional friends. He would work odd jobs and have colleagues at work, but we never saw him interact with co-workers outside the work place. Locke was a true loaner but also a odd dreamer. He was quick to abandon a situation if it did not work out like he thought it should. He felt trapped and cursed by Life itself. He thought joining a commune would bring him the sense of family and belonging. But even that was a bitter illusion (as the commune was merely a front from drug manufacturer and distribution.) The only person who would accept him was Helen, a woman he met at an anger management meeting. They began to have a relationship outside of the group. Within six months, the romance had blossomed to the point where Locke gave her a key to his apartment. However, Helen knew that Locke was obsessed with tracking down his father and establishing a potential disappointing relationship with him. Helen accepted the key only if Locke would abandon is mission to connect with his father. Locke lied to her, which led to their break-up. Locke lacked the social skills to realize that Helen was the best thing he would ever find in his life. When his father broke his heart, and then his spine, Locke used to call a phone worker "Helen" as a coping mechanism to his loneliness. When Locke was ready to take his great adventure, the walkabout, he did not have a friend to share that experience. And when the operator denied him his outback adventure, it was clear that Locke's dreams died as a lonely, middle aged man. This was bitterly confirmed when no one showed up at Locke's funeral. It was also ironic that in the sideways universe, he was happily together with Helen - - - but at the final reunion, Helen was not part of it (causing one to surmise that the sideways world was a fantasy-dream state).
Hurley had a more normal friendship path. He grew up and he was very close to his father. But he was extremely hurt when his father abandoned his family; he started to eat to compensate for his loss. Even so, Hurley was still able to make acquaintances and friends because of his likeable and non-threatening personality. We know that he had at least 22 friends because he was on the deck that collapsed which led to his guilt and mental institutional treatment. But even after the accident, he still had friends. His best friend was Johnny, who he would hang out with outside of work. Hurley was also friendly with a record store clerk, Starla. In fact, Hurley got the courage to ask her out on a date. But his relationship quickly soured when Johnny got upset that Hurley failed to share his lottery win secret with him. As a result, Johnny left him and started dating Starla. Hurley was convinced that the lottery win had cursed him. The numbers he played were from one of his mental institution buddies, Lenny. But Hurley's "best" friend was his imaginary friend, Dave. Dave made many appearances during the series, including one on the island which he almost got Hurley to jump off a cliff to end the illusion that he was living. Hurley was stopped by Lilly, the girlfriend he met on the island (but in a contradiction, she was seen as a mental patient in Hurley's same day room at Santa Rosa). Hurley never recognized her as a former patient which has always been a plot point problem. As with many people, as Hurley grew older, he had less friends because he feared that bad things would happen to people around him. Like Locke, Hurley went alone on his quest to find the meaning of the numbers. He had no one he could trust with his secrets or feelings even though he got along well around other people.
Ben had a tragic childhood. His mother died at his birth, and his alcoholic father blamed him for it. His father apparently moved from odd job to odd job until he landed a position on the island. Ben came to the island as a polite 8 year old child. In the Dharma school, he met one friend, Annie, who gave him a present she made (two dolls of their likeness). Ben seemed to be a social introvert: quiet and reposed. It seemed he did not seek out friendships, but to hide in the shadows (to keep away from the wrath of his father). It seems as a boy he made a connection with Richard Alpert, one of the Others, who marveled that he could see his dead mother on the island. This gave Ben one thing to look forward to: leaving his father to become a member of the Others. He probably thought that he could make more lasting friends in the Others camp than staying with in the rigid confines of the Dharma collective. It also appears that Annie left the island during the Incident, when women and children were evacuated by Dr. Chang. At that point, Ben lost his only friend. Ben thought he did not need friends to become powerful and respected by other people. He did not want to be a low level janitor spit upon by those in leadership roles. He wanted to command the respect of people around him. When he joined the Others, he found the same constraints as in the Dharma world. He loathed Charles Widmore because of his indifference to defenseless children. Ben's first act of defiance was saving Alex, whom he then raised as his own daughter.
So when Flight 815 crashed on the island, most of the main characters on LOST were at the crossroad of their life, staring down the path of loneliness and depressive regrets. Even Bernard and Rose were struggling to beat her terminal cancer - - for Bernard, losing Rose would be losing his own life. Jin and Sun's relationship had soured to the point that Sun was willing to flee her spouse and her rich family. Michael was a man without stateside friends when he picked up his son, Walt, in Australia after his mother had passed on. Walt also appeared to be a sullen, quiet and friendless child (in some ways mirrors Ben's story line). It was only after Walt left the island and lived with his grandmother, did Walt is seen in the company of school friends living a normal life (so much so that Locke decided against trying to bring him back to the island).
For the vast majority of main characters, the island was shocking life event that allowed adult strangers, through mutual adversity, to make new friends - - - the most friends each character ever had in their lifetime. And as friends, they laughed, cried, fought, argued, worked together, solved problems and had their intimate moments. In one respect, the island and the survivors were what most of the characters had been secretly longing for in their past lives: a sense of belonging, a sense of family structure, a support system, mutual caring, mutual security, a sense of community and purpose.
But as we grow older, friendships change like our individual interests. We may not realize at the time that time itself has begun to cull the friendship herd. You do not have enough hours in the day to socialize with everyone you know. Subsets of friends become more important to you.
Then, hormones take over and attraction to the opposite sex takes priority over the past. This further defines the parameters of one's social circle. Some women want their boyfriend's full and complete attention and affection. Some men want to maintain a level of freedom, going out with the guys to play sports or hang out. Everyone learns to find a balance between old friendships and demands of their most personal relationships.
Things change again when a person is out in "the real world." A job becomes a time consuming task master. Marriage and a family suddenly takes up all the old "free time." There is always something to do in one's home - - - from chores, cleaning, maintenance, kids activities and spousal duties. Even time alone on vacation becomes a logistics project. But those are the strongest bonds that can be made by an individual, in a family unit.
It is rare for adults to make many "new" friends. Colleagues at work may or may not get beyond the casual, professional co-worker status because everyone in the work place has settled into their own off-hours personal routine and lifestyle. It is harder for single people in the work place to find new deep bonds because most companies have anti-fraternization policies. You are in the work place to serve the company objectives and not to find your soul mate.
So how do adults find new adult friends? Instead of feeling sorry for one's self, or accepting the negative habits of one's daily routine, an adult needs to "work" on expanding their horizons, forcing themselves to go out and meet new people at events or places that interest them. The easiest way to open a conversation with a stranger is to have something in common to start with . . . whether it is at a charity event, an art gallery opening, a play or a coffee shop. It is not just introverts that have problems overcoming the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Extroverts have to check their energy levels so as to stop from coming off as a blow-hard or bragger. Everyone knows that first impressions (within a minute or two) are the most important message signals between people. That added pressure to be liked also adds an equal level of anxiety. It is like an NFL kicker lining up a 55 yard field goal to win the game, but this time it is a personal game of life.
You cannot make someone like you or to be your friend. The physics of force (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) does not work in personal relationships. One can forcefully try to impress another person, but that may not give back an equal level of attraction, affection or curiosity. In some situations, when a person "tries too hard," it actually repels a person away.
People are creatures of their own comfort levels. However, if a comfort level in dealing with other people is set so low as to become a hermit, then it creates a level of distrust, depression, loneliness and desperation. Some people then lock themselves in their own fantasy worlds because they cannot emotionally cope with the real world (or the perception of how they have been treated by others). For every time a person turns down a friendship offer, it is like a knife being plunged between two ribs. We all get that Life is hard. It is full of choices and demands. Everyone's path is a different quest for the same benefits of acknowledgement, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and affection.
An article from Fast Company magazine tackled the issue of making adult friendships.
It stated that while social circles increase through early adulthood, friendship networks peak and start to decrease as you move through your twenties, according to a 2013 study published in Psychological Bulletin. Researchers found that the drop in friendships was often due to marriage, parenthood, and a desire to focus on closer relationships.
Unfortunately close relationships aren’t guaranteed to last; a study by Utrecht University. It found that we lose half our close friends every seven years and replace them with new relationships.
Factors include life changes such as moves, career transitions, relationship changes, and different life stages bring a shift in our friendships and frequently leave people drifting apart. Researchers at BYU found that having too few friends is the equivalent mortality risk to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is riskier than obesity.
"When friendships themselves are healthy, they relieve stress, which is extremely beneficial for health. Most people find it hard to create a deep and meaningful friendship in adulthood, but it’s not so hard if you know what to do." says Robert Epstein, of the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology.
To cultivate new friends, a person needs consistency. People like to have friends around for whom they can count on in good times and bad. In children, it is almost automatic because you go to school, summer camp and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood until dinner is ready. Adults rarely have that kind of consistency outside of work.
Counselors suggests joining groups that meet on a regular basis, such as a associations, networking groups, book clubs, classes and workshop because when you join a group, the consistency is built in; people are already showing up without you having to invite them.
The trick is that the friendship is limited to its "container"—the group—until someone initiates gathering outside of it. If friendships aren’t practiced outside of the container, they will most die when the activity or class ends. In other words, being friendly within the confines of a group does not equate to true friendship until you move a relationship outside the parameters of the initial contact group.
Counselors also think that one can use friendship containers as long as possible, but the goal is to move out of them. Start small. Invite work friends out for lunch, happy hour or over to watch the game. The idea is to practice doing other stuff together, and glue more pieces of your lives to each other,. It can take six to eight experiences with someone before you feel like you made a friend.
To deepen relationships, research says you must be willing to be open yourself up to personal topics and disclosures. Vulnerability is the key to emotional bonding, without which relationships tend to feel superficial and meaningless.
Children are naturally put into situations in which they feel vulnerable, such as school, sporting events or on stage in front of a crowded room of parents and classmates. Adults should look for similar scenarios.
If you can put yourself and potential friends in a place of vulnerability, people tend feel needy and provide occasions for other people to provide comfort or support. An example would be to volunteer or get part-time work at a hospital or a charity.
There are times where life circumstances can lead to friendships. A single experience—such as meeting on a vacation—can produce a deep friendship that lasts a lifetime because the experience itself opens people up to share their experiences, opinions and goals. Strangers that become humanized in the eye of someone are no longer strangers. The mind's protective mechanism for protecting against danger is muted by trust.
When you are building friendships, it is important to, work hard to keep the communication upbeat. "Be conscious about the value and joy you're adding to the other person," counselors advise. And that is what friendships are about: adding positive value to a person's life. The quality of friendships help bring out the best in an individual. It is that mutuality of friendship that helps develop close bonds.
This site has written in the past about the main LOST characters and friendships. If there was a takeaway from the Ending would be the reunion was symbolic representation of the characters mutual friendships. And the series journey could be summed up as the path toward true friendships.
A common trait of the main characters was a lack of pre-island friends.
Jack apparently had no real friends. Even when he stood up to the bullies in the schoolyard, and got beaten badly for it, no one stood up for him. It seems that Jack had no siblings. His father was not a friend, but a rival. Even at the hospital, it appeared that Jack was friendly with his colleagues but spent no time with anyone outside of work. And it also was shown that Jack did not have a social life outside of the hospital. It was his "miracle" surgery for Sarah that gave him a girlfriend, then a spouse, then a bitter divorce because Jack lacked the social skills to handle a marital friendship.
Sawyer also appears to be a single child. When his parents were killed, Sawyer is comforted by his uncle. We can assume that Sawyer was then raised with his cousins, but there was no lasting bonds between family members. This was probably because Sawyer had vowed to kill the man that caused his family turmoil. As a result, he turned himself into a lone wolf, an avenger. As a con man, he purposely kept his personal life from his professional thefts. The closest thing he had to a relationship was the ill-fitting, ill-advised fling with Cassiday, one of his marks gone bad. He left her and his infant child to complete his quest of vengeance. We can assume that when Sawyer left the island, he did not return to have a life or relationship with Cassiday since she was not with him in his final journey at the church reunion.
Kate was a popular child because she was the typical girl-next-door, tomboy.We know of one childhood friend, Tom Brennan, the boy who got in trouble with her when she tried to steal a lunchbox. Later, when Kate returned to visit her mother in the hospital, Tom, now a married doctor with a small son, helped Kate get past security. When she confronted her mother seeking support for what she had done (killed her father in an explosion), her mother yelled for security. In the police chase, Tom was killed by a police bullet. One could assume that Kate, an only child, placed her mother as her best friend. When all of her classmates moved on with their lives and their dreams, Kate did not grow or leave her mother's side. Tom, who clearly believed Kate was his first puppy love, did not realize that Kate was not a true friend but merely used him like she did with the other men in her life on the run. She came close to finding friendship with another broken woman, Cassiday, who helped cause a diversion for Kate's escape. Kate never knew of Cassiday's relationship with Sawyer, but Cassiday and her shared one thing in common: the free spirit adventure of living near the edge.
Locke was another only child. But his case was different. He was abandoned by his parents at birth. His mother was institutionalized for mental illness. His father fled to be a con man, and eventually destroying Sawyer's family in the process. Locke always pushed to fit in. In school, he wanted to be part of the "popular" group which would have been the jocks. But his intellect was more science. When counseled to follow an academic path, Locke rebelled to find himself outside any group: academic or sports. He was moved to various foster homes, but never had strong relationships with the other children in those households. Throughout his life, he continued to try to find a substitute family to the discouragement of making normal, traditional friends. He would work odd jobs and have colleagues at work, but we never saw him interact with co-workers outside the work place. Locke was a true loaner but also a odd dreamer. He was quick to abandon a situation if it did not work out like he thought it should. He felt trapped and cursed by Life itself. He thought joining a commune would bring him the sense of family and belonging. But even that was a bitter illusion (as the commune was merely a front from drug manufacturer and distribution.) The only person who would accept him was Helen, a woman he met at an anger management meeting. They began to have a relationship outside of the group. Within six months, the romance had blossomed to the point where Locke gave her a key to his apartment. However, Helen knew that Locke was obsessed with tracking down his father and establishing a potential disappointing relationship with him. Helen accepted the key only if Locke would abandon is mission to connect with his father. Locke lied to her, which led to their break-up. Locke lacked the social skills to realize that Helen was the best thing he would ever find in his life. When his father broke his heart, and then his spine, Locke used to call a phone worker "Helen" as a coping mechanism to his loneliness. When Locke was ready to take his great adventure, the walkabout, he did not have a friend to share that experience. And when the operator denied him his outback adventure, it was clear that Locke's dreams died as a lonely, middle aged man. This was bitterly confirmed when no one showed up at Locke's funeral. It was also ironic that in the sideways universe, he was happily together with Helen - - - but at the final reunion, Helen was not part of it (causing one to surmise that the sideways world was a fantasy-dream state).
Hurley had a more normal friendship path. He grew up and he was very close to his father. But he was extremely hurt when his father abandoned his family; he started to eat to compensate for his loss. Even so, Hurley was still able to make acquaintances and friends because of his likeable and non-threatening personality. We know that he had at least 22 friends because he was on the deck that collapsed which led to his guilt and mental institutional treatment. But even after the accident, he still had friends. His best friend was Johnny, who he would hang out with outside of work. Hurley was also friendly with a record store clerk, Starla. In fact, Hurley got the courage to ask her out on a date. But his relationship quickly soured when Johnny got upset that Hurley failed to share his lottery win secret with him. As a result, Johnny left him and started dating Starla. Hurley was convinced that the lottery win had cursed him. The numbers he played were from one of his mental institution buddies, Lenny. But Hurley's "best" friend was his imaginary friend, Dave. Dave made many appearances during the series, including one on the island which he almost got Hurley to jump off a cliff to end the illusion that he was living. Hurley was stopped by Lilly, the girlfriend he met on the island (but in a contradiction, she was seen as a mental patient in Hurley's same day room at Santa Rosa). Hurley never recognized her as a former patient which has always been a plot point problem. As with many people, as Hurley grew older, he had less friends because he feared that bad things would happen to people around him. Like Locke, Hurley went alone on his quest to find the meaning of the numbers. He had no one he could trust with his secrets or feelings even though he got along well around other people.
Ben had a tragic childhood. His mother died at his birth, and his alcoholic father blamed him for it. His father apparently moved from odd job to odd job until he landed a position on the island. Ben came to the island as a polite 8 year old child. In the Dharma school, he met one friend, Annie, who gave him a present she made (two dolls of their likeness). Ben seemed to be a social introvert: quiet and reposed. It seemed he did not seek out friendships, but to hide in the shadows (to keep away from the wrath of his father). It seems as a boy he made a connection with Richard Alpert, one of the Others, who marveled that he could see his dead mother on the island. This gave Ben one thing to look forward to: leaving his father to become a member of the Others. He probably thought that he could make more lasting friends in the Others camp than staying with in the rigid confines of the Dharma collective. It also appears that Annie left the island during the Incident, when women and children were evacuated by Dr. Chang. At that point, Ben lost his only friend. Ben thought he did not need friends to become powerful and respected by other people. He did not want to be a low level janitor spit upon by those in leadership roles. He wanted to command the respect of people around him. When he joined the Others, he found the same constraints as in the Dharma world. He loathed Charles Widmore because of his indifference to defenseless children. Ben's first act of defiance was saving Alex, whom he then raised as his own daughter.
So when Flight 815 crashed on the island, most of the main characters on LOST were at the crossroad of their life, staring down the path of loneliness and depressive regrets. Even Bernard and Rose were struggling to beat her terminal cancer - - for Bernard, losing Rose would be losing his own life. Jin and Sun's relationship had soured to the point that Sun was willing to flee her spouse and her rich family. Michael was a man without stateside friends when he picked up his son, Walt, in Australia after his mother had passed on. Walt also appeared to be a sullen, quiet and friendless child (in some ways mirrors Ben's story line). It was only after Walt left the island and lived with his grandmother, did Walt is seen in the company of school friends living a normal life (so much so that Locke decided against trying to bring him back to the island).
For the vast majority of main characters, the island was shocking life event that allowed adult strangers, through mutual adversity, to make new friends - - - the most friends each character ever had in their lifetime. And as friends, they laughed, cried, fought, argued, worked together, solved problems and had their intimate moments. In one respect, the island and the survivors were what most of the characters had been secretly longing for in their past lives: a sense of belonging, a sense of family structure, a support system, mutual caring, mutual security, a sense of community and purpose.
Monday, December 14, 2015
THE LONELY DIE EARLIER
The Mirror (UK) recently published an article which stated that researchers have found that lonely people die earlier than people in relationships.
Scientists revealed why being lonely increases your chances of dying early because being lonely appears to weaken people's immune system. Researchers said their findings were independent of factors such as depression, stress and social support.
Lonely people are more likely to die early due to their immune system being weaker, according to a new study. People who do not have frequent interaction with others are 14 per cent more likely to die early as they appear to have much lower levels of white blood cells in their body.
The cells are the human body's way of battling diseases and illnesses and researchers stressed their findings were independent of other factors such as depression, stress and social support. Research shows loneliness leads to fight-or-flight signalling occurring in the body, which can lead to a drop in white blood cells for over a year weakening the immune system.
University of Chicago scientists examined gene expression in leukocytes, there are cells responsible for protecting us against bacteria and viruses. Their previous study found a link between loneliness and a phenomenon called 'conserved transcriptional response to adversity' (CTRA).
CTRA describes the effect of lonely people tending to have a weaker immune system response than those with a healthy social life. This occurs when the number of genes involved in inflammation increases and the amount of genes involved in antiviral responses falls.
The PNAS study reconfirmed these findings, but also revealed that loneliness could predict future CTRA gene expression over a year later. The researchers also found that loneliness and leukocyte gene expression appeared to provoke each other over time.
Next, research on monkeys found that the lonely primates showed higher CTRA activity.
But on a cellular level, they also found higher levels of the fight-or-flight neuro transmitter, norepinephrine. Research conducted previously has revealed norepinephrine can provoke stem cells in the bone marrow to produce more of a particular kind of immune cell - an immature monocyte.
These particular cells have high levels of inflammatory gene expression and low levels of antiviral gene. Further tests found both lonesome humans and solitary monkeys had high levels of monocytes in their blood samples.
Finally the researchers tracked the HIV version of monkeys (simian immunodeficiency virus) in isolated primates. They found the altered antiviral gene expression in "lonely like" monkeys allowed the condition to grow faster in both blood and brain.
Professor John Cacioppo said: "Taken together, these findings support a mechanistic model in which loneliness results in fight-or-flight stress signalling, which increases the production of immature monocytes, leading to up-regulation of inflammatory genes and impaired anti-viral responses. The 'danger signals' activated in the brain by loneliness ultimately affect the production of white blood cells. The resulting shift in monocyte output may both propagate loneliness and contribute to its associated health risks."
There is a connection to LOST's main characters. Each main character had traits of deep loneliness, with associated levels of stress and depression. How each dealt with it was different; Jack dived into his work to create "miracles," while Hurley took eating to mask his depression.
But it would seem that all the main characters "died" on or about their island age (if one believes that our bodies are re-united in the afterlife after death). This contradicts Christian's statement to Jack at the sideways church memorial service. But taken the presence of the main characters have not aged, and that the survivors who left the island apparently did not re-unite with loved ones post-island (i.e. having a real, long life with new people - - - including spouses, children, new friends, etc.), the conclusion is that the main characters died early, before their time.
And the only thing that could help them move along from their "lonely" pre-island existence were the friendships and bonds created in the island time period. If LOST was really the culmination of various characters dying alone but having to make "post-life" connections on the island in order to be enlightened to make it to heaven, that is a premise that some could find comforting in relation to The End.
No one wants to die alone. In fact, many people's greatest fear is dying alone.
Scientists revealed why being lonely increases your chances of dying early because being lonely appears to weaken people's immune system. Researchers said their findings were independent of factors such as depression, stress and social support.
Lonely people are more likely to die early due to their immune system being weaker, according to a new study. People who do not have frequent interaction with others are 14 per cent more likely to die early as they appear to have much lower levels of white blood cells in their body.
The cells are the human body's way of battling diseases and illnesses and researchers stressed their findings were independent of other factors such as depression, stress and social support. Research shows loneliness leads to fight-or-flight signalling occurring in the body, which can lead to a drop in white blood cells for over a year weakening the immune system.
University of Chicago scientists examined gene expression in leukocytes, there are cells responsible for protecting us against bacteria and viruses. Their previous study found a link between loneliness and a phenomenon called 'conserved transcriptional response to adversity' (CTRA).
CTRA describes the effect of lonely people tending to have a weaker immune system response than those with a healthy social life. This occurs when the number of genes involved in inflammation increases and the amount of genes involved in antiviral responses falls.
The PNAS study reconfirmed these findings, but also revealed that loneliness could predict future CTRA gene expression over a year later. The researchers also found that loneliness and leukocyte gene expression appeared to provoke each other over time.
Next, research on monkeys found that the lonely primates showed higher CTRA activity.
But on a cellular level, they also found higher levels of the fight-or-flight neuro transmitter, norepinephrine. Research conducted previously has revealed norepinephrine can provoke stem cells in the bone marrow to produce more of a particular kind of immune cell - an immature monocyte.
These particular cells have high levels of inflammatory gene expression and low levels of antiviral gene. Further tests found both lonesome humans and solitary monkeys had high levels of monocytes in their blood samples.
Finally the researchers tracked the HIV version of monkeys (simian immunodeficiency virus) in isolated primates. They found the altered antiviral gene expression in "lonely like" monkeys allowed the condition to grow faster in both blood and brain.
Professor John Cacioppo said: "Taken together, these findings support a mechanistic model in which loneliness results in fight-or-flight stress signalling, which increases the production of immature monocytes, leading to up-regulation of inflammatory genes and impaired anti-viral responses. The 'danger signals' activated in the brain by loneliness ultimately affect the production of white blood cells. The resulting shift in monocyte output may both propagate loneliness and contribute to its associated health risks."
There is a connection to LOST's main characters. Each main character had traits of deep loneliness, with associated levels of stress and depression. How each dealt with it was different; Jack dived into his work to create "miracles," while Hurley took eating to mask his depression.
But it would seem that all the main characters "died" on or about their island age (if one believes that our bodies are re-united in the afterlife after death). This contradicts Christian's statement to Jack at the sideways church memorial service. But taken the presence of the main characters have not aged, and that the survivors who left the island apparently did not re-unite with loved ones post-island (i.e. having a real, long life with new people - - - including spouses, children, new friends, etc.), the conclusion is that the main characters died early, before their time.
And the only thing that could help them move along from their "lonely" pre-island existence were the friendships and bonds created in the island time period. If LOST was really the culmination of various characters dying alone but having to make "post-life" connections on the island in order to be enlightened to make it to heaven, that is a premise that some could find comforting in relation to The End.
No one wants to die alone. In fact, many people's greatest fear is dying alone.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
LONELINESS ANSWER
One of the major themes in LOST was loneliness. Many of the major characters were traditional loners. Why people are lonely has lead to many research and literary articles. As a society and community, we believe that human beings need social interaction in order to live well-rounded lives.
There are times that some people need their "alone" time. Introverts actually need this lonely time in order to re-energize themselves for future tasks that make them uncomfortable, including work and social settings.
There are times that some people need their "alone" time. Introverts actually need this lonely time in order to re-energize themselves for future tasks that make them uncomfortable, including work and social settings.
We
may sometimes try to convince ourselves that we'd be better off if we
remained alone, but why do people decide to stay lonely? New York Magazine published an article examines that question and discovers a surprising explanation.
There are health issues that arise from being lonely. In fact, "loneliness increases a
person's risk of mortality by 26 percent, an effect comparable to the
health risks posed by obesity, according to a study published this
spring." Loneliness can also lead to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
With these risks, why would one choose to be lonely? As NY Mag
notes, "One long-held theory has been that people become socially
isolated because of their poor social skills and, presumably, as they
spend more time alone, the few skills they do have start to erode from
lack of use."
However, with the help of recent studies, this is a big misconception. It's not that lonely people lack social skills or can't understand them; rather, when expected to use them they "choke."
Professor Megan L. Knowles of Franklin and Marshall College conducted an experiment in order to find out why this
happens. In her research, Knowles led four experiments that demonstrated "lonely people's tendency to choke when under social pressure."
In one experiment, Knowles and her team tested the
social skills of 86 undergraduates, showing them 24 faces on a computer
screen and asking them to name the basic human emotion each face was
displaying: anger, fear, happiness, or sadness.
When put to the test, lonely participants did much
better than their non-lonely counterparts. However, this was only the
case when the lonely participants were told they were taking a general
knowledge test.
Why would lonely people be better at reading
emotions than non-lonely people? It's believed that "lonely people may
be paying closer attention to emotional cues precisely because of their
ache to belong somewhere and form interpersonal connections, which
results in technically superior social skills," according to the study.
So, lonely people actually don't want to be lonely — it's their desire to belong that causes them to seem like they lack social skills. They know how to be social, but they're too concerned about choosing the correct social cues to make a good impression.
Who would want to feel this pressure all the time? This is exactly why some people prefer to keep to themselves. Perhaps, it is just easier not to confront and control your own inner turmoil.
It may come down to confidence in themselves. Many people fear that they will say or do the wrong thing, upset other people or look foolish to strangers. Or, they may believe that people will not like them for who they are. But all people have those same fears and anxieties. It is becoming self-aware of your issues, then overcoming them through experience and growing a close group of friends that you respect, trust and who will mutually support each other.
It may come down to confidence in themselves. Many people fear that they will say or do the wrong thing, upset other people or look foolish to strangers. Or, they may believe that people will not like them for who they are. But all people have those same fears and anxieties. It is becoming self-aware of your issues, then overcoming them through experience and growing a close group of friends that you respect, trust and who will mutually support each other.
Monday, August 3, 2015
EXPECTATIONS
I can't imagine I am the only woman over 50, not married or in a serious relationship, that has been told by some well meaning friend that It would be so good for me to find someone. Find someone? Is there a specific spot I should look? Is there a lost and found pile I can dig through to see if someone in there belongs to me? Perhaps there's a room full of eligible smart kind men in a building somewhere I can't locate. Of course I am kidding. I know people are well intentioned when they say it. But did they ever think that people who aren't in serious relationships can still be seriously happy?
That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn't mean we can't be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I've been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.
I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.
--Arlene Dickinson
Society puts expectations on all of us. Especially on women on their role in our culture.
In fact, many people still judge another person by their status - - - whether it be social, wealth or relationship.
In Asian cultures, if a woman is not married by age 30, she is deemed a social outcast, an old maid, not worthy of total respect. In America, there was a strong Puritan ethic that women should marry early, raise children and tend a household. The American Dream was defined by a suburban house, picket fence, two cars in the garage and chicken in the stove pot.
But times change but the perceptions remain the same.
In the 1970s, women were told by feminists that they could have a career as good as men; that they did not need men to validate their lives; that they could find their own path to happiness. Women were no longer defined by the men around them.
Even so, there were expectations that women were to settle down, marry and have a "normal" life.
With the advent of no fault divorces (where the promise "until death do we part" has been nullified), more and more women find themselves at mid-life, alone and in the cross hairs of family and friend advice that happiness is sharing your life with someone new.
Some women are too hurt by their past experiences to try it again. Past pain does not equate to future unhappiness, but human minds do tend to lessen emotional risks with mental excuses and procrastination themes. Some women try too hard to find a new partner, only to change their personality to something they are not - - - and hurting both themselves and their new relationship in the process of unwinding the white lies.
In LOST, many of the women were defined in this cultural stigma.
Juliet was a medical doctor. But she was defined by her brilliant doctor husband. She was always in his shadow. Her accomplishments were secondary to his work. He cheated on her, disrespected her and then discarded her. But her upbringing and personality keep that bond with him even after they broke up. They were never compatible because he lacked the mutual trust and respect for her.
Kate was the rural farm girl. She had the spunk and fire of a tom boy. She was adventurous and fun. But at the point where she was supposed to grow up and become a responsible woman (settle down, marry, get a stable job, raise a family, etc.) she rebelled and lashed out at her own family. She valued her freedom more than her own happiness. It made her a bitter, lonely, frightened and sad young woman with no goals, desires or dreams.
Sun was the opposite. She was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist. She grew up in the power and position of a wealthy family. She had no hardships growing up. She became bored with the life of a rich princess. She hated the fact that her parents had their own path for her life (including marrying a proper man). Like Kate, she rebelled against her parents to marry Jin, a lowly, poor, uneducated fisherman's son. To her own shock, Jin did not take to her own adventurous side - - - he quickly changed to become Sun's father's "yes man," because Jin wanted what Sun already abandoned: wealth and status.
People have to decide their own paths. Yes, there are speed bumps along the journey of life. Some of those are created by luck, society's pressures, cultural perceptions and one's own mistaken choices. But in the end, every person must make their own decisions that are best for them and them alone. Only then can that person who is comfortable with their own life, open up to share the "real" them with another person.
That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn't mean we can't be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I've been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.
I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.
--Arlene Dickinson
Society puts expectations on all of us. Especially on women on their role in our culture.
In fact, many people still judge another person by their status - - - whether it be social, wealth or relationship.
In Asian cultures, if a woman is not married by age 30, she is deemed a social outcast, an old maid, not worthy of total respect. In America, there was a strong Puritan ethic that women should marry early, raise children and tend a household. The American Dream was defined by a suburban house, picket fence, two cars in the garage and chicken in the stove pot.
But times change but the perceptions remain the same.
In the 1970s, women were told by feminists that they could have a career as good as men; that they did not need men to validate their lives; that they could find their own path to happiness. Women were no longer defined by the men around them.
Even so, there were expectations that women were to settle down, marry and have a "normal" life.
With the advent of no fault divorces (where the promise "until death do we part" has been nullified), more and more women find themselves at mid-life, alone and in the cross hairs of family and friend advice that happiness is sharing your life with someone new.
Some women are too hurt by their past experiences to try it again. Past pain does not equate to future unhappiness, but human minds do tend to lessen emotional risks with mental excuses and procrastination themes. Some women try too hard to find a new partner, only to change their personality to something they are not - - - and hurting both themselves and their new relationship in the process of unwinding the white lies.
In LOST, many of the women were defined in this cultural stigma.
Juliet was a medical doctor. But she was defined by her brilliant doctor husband. She was always in his shadow. Her accomplishments were secondary to his work. He cheated on her, disrespected her and then discarded her. But her upbringing and personality keep that bond with him even after they broke up. They were never compatible because he lacked the mutual trust and respect for her.
Kate was the rural farm girl. She had the spunk and fire of a tom boy. She was adventurous and fun. But at the point where she was supposed to grow up and become a responsible woman (settle down, marry, get a stable job, raise a family, etc.) she rebelled and lashed out at her own family. She valued her freedom more than her own happiness. It made her a bitter, lonely, frightened and sad young woman with no goals, desires or dreams.
Sun was the opposite. She was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist. She grew up in the power and position of a wealthy family. She had no hardships growing up. She became bored with the life of a rich princess. She hated the fact that her parents had their own path for her life (including marrying a proper man). Like Kate, she rebelled against her parents to marry Jin, a lowly, poor, uneducated fisherman's son. To her own shock, Jin did not take to her own adventurous side - - - he quickly changed to become Sun's father's "yes man," because Jin wanted what Sun already abandoned: wealth and status.
People have to decide their own paths. Yes, there are speed bumps along the journey of life. Some of those are created by luck, society's pressures, cultural perceptions and one's own mistaken choices. But in the end, every person must make their own decisions that are best for them and them alone. Only then can that person who is comfortable with their own life, open up to share the "real" them with another person.
Monday, May 11, 2015
THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Business Insider had an interesting article about the 14 lies our mind tells ourselves which actually hurts us by constantly tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us, and stops many great changes in our lives.
It is such a true statement most people do not realize that it is happening to them.
I stumbled across this article by accident. It fits in extremely well into this year's personal motto: "No Excuses. No Regrets."
The BI author's proposition is that the cowardly mind’s excuses and rationalizations is self programmed because the mind wants comfort, and is afraid of discomfort and change. The mind is used to its comfort cocoon, and anytime we try to push beyond that comfort zone very far or for very long, the mind tries desperately to get back into the cocoon. At any cost, including our long-term health and happiness.
The article then details 14 "mind" excuses which stops a person from acting outside the sheltered norms:
1. I can’t do it
If something seems too hard, we default to decide not to change. It is a manifestation that we don’t believe in ourselves.
2. He/she can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me
We look for reasons other people can do or accomplish things but we can’t — a negative reinforcement that we are somehow "different" for an unknown reason.
3. I need my ___
W fill in the blank with a variety of crutches: I need my coffee, my cheese, my soda, my TV shows, my car, my shoe collection … these are things we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can’t make a change like exercising, eating healthier, starting a hobby, reading a long book, taking a vacation, or simplifying our lives. If one really examines those excuses, they are justifications for all lies. The only things you really need are basic food, water, clothing, shelter, and other people for social needs. Everything else is not a real need.
4. Life is meant to be enjoyed
Everyone agrees with this statement but the problem is this is used to justify all kinds of crappy behavior. Might as well scarf down junk food because it tastes good, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right? No. You can do without junk food and still enjoy life. You can exercise and enjoy it. You can give up pretty much anything and still enjoy life, if you learn to see almost any activity as enjoyable.
5. I need comfort
As young children, they cling to a security blanket because it gives them the sense of relief and comfort. However, as we grow older we have can push ourselves into uncomfortable situations so that we can learn to believe in ourselves.
6. I don’t know how
This may be true, but everyone can learn. Start with a little at a time, and learn how to deal with this new change. If the problem is that you are a social wall flower, you can do some research online. There are various websites that examine social anxiety. Ask people how they dealt with it. This is easily overcome with a little effort and practice. In fact, if you do it now, and learn a little at a time, then you’ll be able to do away with this pesky excuse.
7. I can do it later
You can always put off to tomorrow what you can accomplish today. But why should your later self be more disciplined than your current self? A habit of procrastination and actually making is less likely that your future self will be more disciplined. Unless there’s something more urgent or important that you need to do … don’t let yourself slide just because you don’t feel like it. It will lead to more stress and pressure as you create a personal traffic jam of uncompleted tasks or goals.
8. One time won’t hurt
This is so tempting, because it’s kind of true — one time won’t hurt. Assuming, that is, that it’s only one time. One bite of chocolate cake, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of doing work. Unfortunately, it’s never actually just one time. One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’re not actually sticking to something.
9. I don’t feel like it
Feelings can be a defense mechanism. There is an internal resistance to doing something that we think is hard, difficult, new, or potentially hurtful. Letting the excuse of “I’ll do it when feel like it” dictate your life means you’ll never go out and meet new people, learn about new things, write that great American novel you dreamed of as a kid, never build a business, never create anything great, never have healthy habits. It is easy to create a plan that’s doable, and then execute it.
10. I’m tired
Everyone gets tired on a daily basis. It is the biological cycle. We allow that cycle to macro-manage tasks into pigeon holes. When you get home from a long day at work (they call it work for a reason), you may not feel like cooking, cleaning or exercising. You would rather "rest," but this is usually the mind trying to weasel out of something uncomfortable. There’s a difference between being exhausted and needing some rest, and being the little tired we all feel every afternoon. One way to combat this is to multitask - - - for example, exercise while watching TV. You may trick your mind that watching TV is relaxing while you accomplish something important off the couch.
11. I deserve a reward/break
Daily life presents us with many risk and reward situations. But not every completed tasks deserve a reward. But if you don't curb this rationalization your rule, you’ll always be on a break. You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never sticking to the original plan to get a more meaningful reward such as a job well done is its own reward.
12. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop?
This is our mind wanting to run from discomfort, and of course it’s true — it would be nice to stop if you’re pushing into a discomfort zone for too long. The thing is, the implication is that it would be better to stop, because it would be nice … but that’s a lie. It would be easier to stop, but often it’s better to continue pushing through to the end goal.
13. The result you’re going for isn’t important
Your mind is already sabotaging a goal that you have set for yourself. If you stick with a process that will be better for you in the long run, then you will be better off. But if you let yourself go just because you are uncomfortable and at this moment care more for your comfort than the goal you set out for, you’ll have lots of problems. The goal isn’t important, but learning to stick to things when you’re uncomfortable is extremely important. For example, if you’re trying to run a marathon, in the middle of it you may think “It’s not that important that I finish this" because of the pain and effort required to finish. And while the result might not be that important, the truth is that the process and the goal is very important to bolster one's self-worth, self-esteem and peace of mind.
14. I’m afraid
Now, this is the most honest excuse there is — most of us don’t want to admit we’re afraid to pursue something difficult. But it’s also a weaselly way out of discomfort — just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you can’t do something. For example, Deipnophobia is the fear of dinner party conversations. How do you overcome that fear? You go to parties where you know a few good friends and learn to mingle. When trying something new, everyone worries about failure. The fear of failure is an early learned experience. Failure has negative connotations in society. But some of the smartest, richest and happy people on Earth will tell you that before success they failed over and over again. It is learning from failure that breeds success. And confidence is the one trait that can extinguish many or all of the mind excuses which holds us back.
It is such a true statement most people do not realize that it is happening to them.
I stumbled across this article by accident. It fits in extremely well into this year's personal motto: "No Excuses. No Regrets."
The BI author's proposition is that the cowardly mind’s excuses and rationalizations is self programmed because the mind wants comfort, and is afraid of discomfort and change. The mind is used to its comfort cocoon, and anytime we try to push beyond that comfort zone very far or for very long, the mind tries desperately to get back into the cocoon. At any cost, including our long-term health and happiness.
The article then details 14 "mind" excuses which stops a person from acting outside the sheltered norms:
1. I can’t do it
If something seems too hard, we default to decide not to change. It is a manifestation that we don’t believe in ourselves.
2. He/she can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me
We look for reasons other people can do or accomplish things but we can’t — a negative reinforcement that we are somehow "different" for an unknown reason.
3. I need my ___
W fill in the blank with a variety of crutches: I need my coffee, my cheese, my soda, my TV shows, my car, my shoe collection … these are things we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can’t make a change like exercising, eating healthier, starting a hobby, reading a long book, taking a vacation, or simplifying our lives. If one really examines those excuses, they are justifications for all lies. The only things you really need are basic food, water, clothing, shelter, and other people for social needs. Everything else is not a real need.
4. Life is meant to be enjoyed
Everyone agrees with this statement but the problem is this is used to justify all kinds of crappy behavior. Might as well scarf down junk food because it tastes good, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right? No. You can do without junk food and still enjoy life. You can exercise and enjoy it. You can give up pretty much anything and still enjoy life, if you learn to see almost any activity as enjoyable.
5. I need comfort
As young children, they cling to a security blanket because it gives them the sense of relief and comfort. However, as we grow older we have can push ourselves into uncomfortable situations so that we can learn to believe in ourselves.
6. I don’t know how
This may be true, but everyone can learn. Start with a little at a time, and learn how to deal with this new change. If the problem is that you are a social wall flower, you can do some research online. There are various websites that examine social anxiety. Ask people how they dealt with it. This is easily overcome with a little effort and practice. In fact, if you do it now, and learn a little at a time, then you’ll be able to do away with this pesky excuse.
7. I can do it later
You can always put off to tomorrow what you can accomplish today. But why should your later self be more disciplined than your current self? A habit of procrastination and actually making is less likely that your future self will be more disciplined. Unless there’s something more urgent or important that you need to do … don’t let yourself slide just because you don’t feel like it. It will lead to more stress and pressure as you create a personal traffic jam of uncompleted tasks or goals.
8. One time won’t hurt
This is so tempting, because it’s kind of true — one time won’t hurt. Assuming, that is, that it’s only one time. One bite of chocolate cake, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of doing work. Unfortunately, it’s never actually just one time. One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’re not actually sticking to something.
9. I don’t feel like it
Feelings can be a defense mechanism. There is an internal resistance to doing something that we think is hard, difficult, new, or potentially hurtful. Letting the excuse of “I’ll do it when feel like it” dictate your life means you’ll never go out and meet new people, learn about new things, write that great American novel you dreamed of as a kid, never build a business, never create anything great, never have healthy habits. It is easy to create a plan that’s doable, and then execute it.
10. I’m tired
Everyone gets tired on a daily basis. It is the biological cycle. We allow that cycle to macro-manage tasks into pigeon holes. When you get home from a long day at work (they call it work for a reason), you may not feel like cooking, cleaning or exercising. You would rather "rest," but this is usually the mind trying to weasel out of something uncomfortable. There’s a difference between being exhausted and needing some rest, and being the little tired we all feel every afternoon. One way to combat this is to multitask - - - for example, exercise while watching TV. You may trick your mind that watching TV is relaxing while you accomplish something important off the couch.
11. I deserve a reward/break
Daily life presents us with many risk and reward situations. But not every completed tasks deserve a reward. But if you don't curb this rationalization your rule, you’ll always be on a break. You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never sticking to the original plan to get a more meaningful reward such as a job well done is its own reward.
12. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop?
This is our mind wanting to run from discomfort, and of course it’s true — it would be nice to stop if you’re pushing into a discomfort zone for too long. The thing is, the implication is that it would be better to stop, because it would be nice … but that’s a lie. It would be easier to stop, but often it’s better to continue pushing through to the end goal.
13. The result you’re going for isn’t important
Your mind is already sabotaging a goal that you have set for yourself. If you stick with a process that will be better for you in the long run, then you will be better off. But if you let yourself go just because you are uncomfortable and at this moment care more for your comfort than the goal you set out for, you’ll have lots of problems. The goal isn’t important, but learning to stick to things when you’re uncomfortable is extremely important. For example, if you’re trying to run a marathon, in the middle of it you may think “It’s not that important that I finish this" because of the pain and effort required to finish. And while the result might not be that important, the truth is that the process and the goal is very important to bolster one's self-worth, self-esteem and peace of mind.
14. I’m afraid
Now, this is the most honest excuse there is — most of us don’t want to admit we’re afraid to pursue something difficult. But it’s also a weaselly way out of discomfort — just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you can’t do something. For example, Deipnophobia is the fear of dinner party conversations. How do you overcome that fear? You go to parties where you know a few good friends and learn to mingle. When trying something new, everyone worries about failure. The fear of failure is an early learned experience. Failure has negative connotations in society. But some of the smartest, richest and happy people on Earth will tell you that before success they failed over and over again. It is learning from failure that breeds success. And confidence is the one trait that can extinguish many or all of the mind excuses which holds us back.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
BEACH CAMP
In LOST, the beach camp was the center of the survivor's island life. However, we rarely saw it. It was merely snippets of time, events, gatherings or cutaways from larger, grander stories of jungle missions or other locales. So most people have vague memories of the camp. But in some stills, it shows that like in life, it was a messy place.
The first beach camp was abandoned (that is where the airplane wreckage washed ashore). Death and the boars made the campers flee to a new beach location. But for no rational explanation the aircraft debris vanished or washed out to sea.
So the castaways were left with what they could carry on their backs or forage from the jungle palm tree line. The ragamuffin look of the camp site tended to bring a sense of reality to the show. It was not a sporting goods show sales booth.
But since the beach camp was the center of the castaways lives, why did it not factor as the main set for the series?
Part may have been production values. The lighting of a show can be affected by the glare off the water. Also the wind, surf and sand can wreck havoc with electronic equipment.
Part may have been to focus away from large scenes with extras to more personal, up close relationship shots of the main characters.
If LOST would be adapted into a stage play, the beach camp would be the main set. It is the only logical place where every characters; stories would intersect.
Friday, March 20, 2015
SOCIAL REGULATION
In the past few weeks, there have been many international stories revolving around the concept of free speech, its regulation and concepts of political correctness. As one commentator put it, the world is wired together but torn a part by the notion of the apparent need for "social regulation."
In the U.S., the FCC turned the internet into a telephone utility by enacting 400 pages of new rules which will be challenged in court. Internet advocates wanted the FCC to make certain that the internet be neutral, i.e. that service providers could not block content, charge extra for higher speeds, or throttle down heavy users like video streamers. That is all well and good, and opponents said market forces already regulate business plans (such as the cellphone data plan changes and unlocking of phones from contracts).
But with the FCC rule making comes with it the first government step to regulate content on the internet, something net neutrality advocates failed to understand. The FCC has "content" rules for broadcasters, what can be said when, on television using the public airwaves. Cable got around some of those restrictions because it was a private, pay service. But even then, regulators got involved mandating parental controls and v-chips to limit certain content access.
FCC utility regulation also can involve regulations which raise the cost to consumers, such as forcing internet providers and broadband services "open access" to their networks, i.e. subsidizing poor rural areas or consumers. Those costs will be added to everyone's bill.
Also in the U.S., there have been an assault on college free speech. Under the constitution, free speech is immune from government regulation or censorship. Even what some people would consider offensive or politicially incorrect speech is protected under the law. Some college administrators and some students themselves, have been trying to limit the type of speech on campus. One incident was the vote to ban the display of the American flag in campus buildings.
Social media has ratcheted up the amount of public intolerance to other people's opinions. We no longer have civil debates on important public issues by discussing facts. Today, social media are bursts on condensing snipes and snark aimed at shaming another person or organization to change their point of view. This builds a culture based on intolerance.
The waves of social regulation has to erode the pillars of society over time. Culture can overwhelm and undermine the basic moral and political foundations of a civilization.
With this current background, one can look back at LOST to see if the setting, character dynamics and stories foreshadowed today's current culture clashes.
There was always a heavy shadow of authority in the series. At one early level, the authority figure than seemed to repress, control and dominate the characters lives were fathers. The "daddy issues" element seemed to dominate many characters' focus. Jack was only on Flight 815 because of guilt over his unresolved daddy issues. Kate was on the flight as she was running away from her crimes based in part on bad daddy issues. Locke was also running away from his daddy issues by trying to become an outback fantasy survivalist. Claire was abandoned by her baby father, so she was in the midst of abandoning her own baby.
The next authority figure on the island was Dharma. It had a paramilitary bent to dominate and control the island over the alleged "native" population, which probably were taken over and destroyed by the Others (the remains of the potential candidates from Jacob's game with MIB.) Since only Jacob could allow people access to the island, everyone of the island was subject to Jacob's power (whether they realized it or not). Within Dharma and the Others camp, there was an internal struggle for power and control by leaders. It took Ben's sociopathic mass murder of the Dharma folks to solidify his complete dominance of the island. Ben's mental breakdown and quest for power has to be considered in his hatred for his own father blaming him for killing his mother. Just as the Others felt distrust and anger toward Dharma, the Others turned on the castaways in order for Ben to control "his" island (again, even though Jacob brought the 815ers to the island as candidates to replace him.)
Even if Ben felt Jacob was his surrogate father, Ben turned on him by murdering him in a classic manipulation by Flocke. Once Ben killed Jacob, his power base was destroyed and only the mercy by one of Jacob's last followers spared Ben's own life. It was probably the harshest lesson of humility on the show, if you don't count Locke's life.
Locke continually lashed out against authority. "Don't tell me what I can do!" was his personal battle cry. But Locke never understood himself. He felt he was a strong, leader, a popular jock, a man people would look up to, respect. Except, in reality, Locke was a follower. And since he could not come to terms with his own conflicted personality, he became a fool.
Locke died a meaningless death after living a meaningless life of his own creation. In physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In humanity, a person's action will elicit a reaction. It is how a person deals with those reactions is how he or she fits into her social circle.
Locke did not fit well into the survivor's camp. The Hatch and the dumb Numbers input gave Locke an actual purpose. But when he got fed up with that, he thought he knew better - - - but he was wrong and the station went critical and time flashed the island setting off dominoes to his own demise.
The characters on the show pretty much said their own minds. Sawyer was as politically incorrect and verbally cruel as one could get . . . but since there were more important risks to be met, his behavior was secondary to survival. One could say the more comfortable one is in their life (emotionally, financially, etc) the more one has time to criticize others. Like an old aristocratic parlor game of dunning and belittling the lower classes.
The beach camp did have his own high school-ish clique system. You had the "cool" kids (Jack, Kate, Sawyer), the nerdy outcasts (Hurley, Charlie, Sayid), the cheerleader-jocks (Boone, Shannon, Claire) the foreign exchange students (Sun, Jin) and the hip faculty (Rose, Bernard). But just in high school, these groups did function at one level together, but socially operated separately.
And these sub-social groups did start to regulate conduct amongst themselves. The cool group began to dominate the planning and execution of missions and priorities. The beach camp extras like Artz and Frogert, who may have been intelligent and had certain skills, had their opinions neutralized by the dominate voices of Jack, Sawyer or Kate. Jin and Sun took a secondary role because they knew they did not fit in with the Americans. Rose and Bernard slowly worked their way out of the politics and danger of the games the leaders were playing to set up their own retreat in the jungle.
If Jacob and MIB were the puppet masters in their island theater, they regulated the actions and interactions between the various competing social groups. There was placed in many minds that the other group was "dangerous" or "out to get them." This mistrust was a foundational story element. Even if it was irrational and being manipulated by the shadows, it was a form of social regulation. The rules (unwritten and confusing) were the rules. But that order often created disorder.
The beach camp may have began as a democracy with everyone allowed to speak their own mind. But in the end, a new caste system emerged from the dominant personalities instilling their own cues on the rest of the group. Peer pressure may have ultimately fused followers to leaders out of a sense of necessity. In the Others camp, Ben's followers walked on egg shells around him because one offensive remark or action could lead to their own death.
It is said that television mirrors modern society. In some respects, LOST did show that even in a diverse cast of characters, a clear pecking order will emerge in any society. And once that dominance is established, social regulation certainly follows.
In the U.S., the FCC turned the internet into a telephone utility by enacting 400 pages of new rules which will be challenged in court. Internet advocates wanted the FCC to make certain that the internet be neutral, i.e. that service providers could not block content, charge extra for higher speeds, or throttle down heavy users like video streamers. That is all well and good, and opponents said market forces already regulate business plans (such as the cellphone data plan changes and unlocking of phones from contracts).
But with the FCC rule making comes with it the first government step to regulate content on the internet, something net neutrality advocates failed to understand. The FCC has "content" rules for broadcasters, what can be said when, on television using the public airwaves. Cable got around some of those restrictions because it was a private, pay service. But even then, regulators got involved mandating parental controls and v-chips to limit certain content access.
FCC utility regulation also can involve regulations which raise the cost to consumers, such as forcing internet providers and broadband services "open access" to their networks, i.e. subsidizing poor rural areas or consumers. Those costs will be added to everyone's bill.
Also in the U.S., there have been an assault on college free speech. Under the constitution, free speech is immune from government regulation or censorship. Even what some people would consider offensive or politicially incorrect speech is protected under the law. Some college administrators and some students themselves, have been trying to limit the type of speech on campus. One incident was the vote to ban the display of the American flag in campus buildings.
Social media has ratcheted up the amount of public intolerance to other people's opinions. We no longer have civil debates on important public issues by discussing facts. Today, social media are bursts on condensing snipes and snark aimed at shaming another person or organization to change their point of view. This builds a culture based on intolerance.
The waves of social regulation has to erode the pillars of society over time. Culture can overwhelm and undermine the basic moral and political foundations of a civilization.
With this current background, one can look back at LOST to see if the setting, character dynamics and stories foreshadowed today's current culture clashes.
There was always a heavy shadow of authority in the series. At one early level, the authority figure than seemed to repress, control and dominate the characters lives were fathers. The "daddy issues" element seemed to dominate many characters' focus. Jack was only on Flight 815 because of guilt over his unresolved daddy issues. Kate was on the flight as she was running away from her crimes based in part on bad daddy issues. Locke was also running away from his daddy issues by trying to become an outback fantasy survivalist. Claire was abandoned by her baby father, so she was in the midst of abandoning her own baby.
The next authority figure on the island was Dharma. It had a paramilitary bent to dominate and control the island over the alleged "native" population, which probably were taken over and destroyed by the Others (the remains of the potential candidates from Jacob's game with MIB.) Since only Jacob could allow people access to the island, everyone of the island was subject to Jacob's power (whether they realized it or not). Within Dharma and the Others camp, there was an internal struggle for power and control by leaders. It took Ben's sociopathic mass murder of the Dharma folks to solidify his complete dominance of the island. Ben's mental breakdown and quest for power has to be considered in his hatred for his own father blaming him for killing his mother. Just as the Others felt distrust and anger toward Dharma, the Others turned on the castaways in order for Ben to control "his" island (again, even though Jacob brought the 815ers to the island as candidates to replace him.)
Even if Ben felt Jacob was his surrogate father, Ben turned on him by murdering him in a classic manipulation by Flocke. Once Ben killed Jacob, his power base was destroyed and only the mercy by one of Jacob's last followers spared Ben's own life. It was probably the harshest lesson of humility on the show, if you don't count Locke's life.
Locke continually lashed out against authority. "Don't tell me what I can do!" was his personal battle cry. But Locke never understood himself. He felt he was a strong, leader, a popular jock, a man people would look up to, respect. Except, in reality, Locke was a follower. And since he could not come to terms with his own conflicted personality, he became a fool.
Locke died a meaningless death after living a meaningless life of his own creation. In physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In humanity, a person's action will elicit a reaction. It is how a person deals with those reactions is how he or she fits into her social circle.
Locke did not fit well into the survivor's camp. The Hatch and the dumb Numbers input gave Locke an actual purpose. But when he got fed up with that, he thought he knew better - - - but he was wrong and the station went critical and time flashed the island setting off dominoes to his own demise.
The characters on the show pretty much said their own minds. Sawyer was as politically incorrect and verbally cruel as one could get . . . but since there were more important risks to be met, his behavior was secondary to survival. One could say the more comfortable one is in their life (emotionally, financially, etc) the more one has time to criticize others. Like an old aristocratic parlor game of dunning and belittling the lower classes.
The beach camp did have his own high school-ish clique system. You had the "cool" kids (Jack, Kate, Sawyer), the nerdy outcasts (Hurley, Charlie, Sayid), the cheerleader-jocks (Boone, Shannon, Claire) the foreign exchange students (Sun, Jin) and the hip faculty (Rose, Bernard). But just in high school, these groups did function at one level together, but socially operated separately.
And these sub-social groups did start to regulate conduct amongst themselves. The cool group began to dominate the planning and execution of missions and priorities. The beach camp extras like Artz and Frogert, who may have been intelligent and had certain skills, had their opinions neutralized by the dominate voices of Jack, Sawyer or Kate. Jin and Sun took a secondary role because they knew they did not fit in with the Americans. Rose and Bernard slowly worked their way out of the politics and danger of the games the leaders were playing to set up their own retreat in the jungle.
If Jacob and MIB were the puppet masters in their island theater, they regulated the actions and interactions between the various competing social groups. There was placed in many minds that the other group was "dangerous" or "out to get them." This mistrust was a foundational story element. Even if it was irrational and being manipulated by the shadows, it was a form of social regulation. The rules (unwritten and confusing) were the rules. But that order often created disorder.
The beach camp may have began as a democracy with everyone allowed to speak their own mind. But in the end, a new caste system emerged from the dominant personalities instilling their own cues on the rest of the group. Peer pressure may have ultimately fused followers to leaders out of a sense of necessity. In the Others camp, Ben's followers walked on egg shells around him because one offensive remark or action could lead to their own death.
It is said that television mirrors modern society. In some respects, LOST did show that even in a diverse cast of characters, a clear pecking order will emerge in any society. And once that dominance is established, social regulation certainly follows.
Monday, October 21, 2013
VICTIMS
There have been several recent national columnists treading carefully around the notion that the current American culture is melting into a society of whiners and victims. A nation filled with whiners with little sense of responsibility or moral center is a festering boil. Commentators remark that being seen as a victim can be useful or even profitable. A person could claim the "moral high ground" by claiming the world, institutions, community or government is being unfair to him. Some people want to help
you like lawyers, community activists and politicians who brag that they force others
to help you.
It seems strange that a country and continent founded upon the independence of people leaving Europe to take a huge life or death risk coming to America are the exact opposite of the people who today play the victim card. Prior to government programs to help people, people had to make it on their own, use their grit, determination, skills to overcome obstacles which led to prosperity and happy lives.
The LOST characters played their own "victim" cards but in a more sublime way.
Sayid began his island stay as pulling away from the main group. He blamed his upbringing and his years as a soldier to become anti-social. He knew others around him had bias against him because of his skin color, nationality and skills. He never allowed himself not to be controlled by authoritative figures. He kept believing his was a victim in his tragic relationship with his true love, Nadia.
Locke's tormented life branded him a victim at an early age. He had no parents. He was shuffled off from foster home to foster home. He was treated different because he had no family. He tried to rebel against how other people perceived him, but he really wasn't good at anything. He accepted his dead end lifestyle. He never grew up; he remained naive. So naive, that he was truly victimized by his own father who stole a kidney from him; and then later crippled him by pushing him out of a 8 story window.
Kate also played a victim role in order to manipulate people around her. She was the smiling tomboy as a child who was eager to get into trouble in order to get attention, especially from her mother. Her working mother did not put Kate into the Norman Rockwell family setting, so she felt hurt by her mother's need to work. When she blew up her (step)father, she claimed she did it to free her mother from abuse (a victim saving another victim), but her mother rejected that position and demanded Kate accept responsibility for her actions. But like most victims, Kate could never accept that - - - so she ran away.
Jack was a victim of his own success. As a boy, he wanted his father's acknowledgement and approval. He worked hard to become his father's equal. He became a miracle worker spinal surgeon, but still did not garner his father's respect. And when he found out that his drunken father killed a patient on the OR table, Jack was part of the cover-up. Then in a moment of conscious, he betrayed his father and told the truth (in essence becoming the victim in the family lie). With his relationship torn a part, Jack spiraled into the darkness of drug and alcohol addiction - - - a self imposed victimization.
Sawyer was also a victim as a child. His father killed his mother in a murder-suicide. That left Sawyer without a family. He was the innocent victim of a con-man's consequences. So, he vowed to avenge his family, but by doing so he turned his own situation to find victims of his own anger, greed, deceit and criminal behavior. He went from victim to victimizer.
Ben was also an anti-social personality whose core was developed by the victimization by his father. Ben's father blamed Ben daily for his mother's death during premature child birth. Ben was constantly mentally abused by the fact his father did not care for the young boy who killed the woman he had loved. As a result, Ben had no normal upbringing; he had difficulty relating to other people or authority. Like Sawyer, he turned his own plight into darkness - - - the person who enjoyed making victims of other people.
None of the characters in the series who had these victim cards ever really kept to terms with their inner demons that caused their victim status. Many used their internal victim belief as a crutch to explain the bad things that would happen to them. Perhaps that is why there was no overreaching moral tone to the series since it was focused upon so many self-absorbed victims that the good or evil environment was immaterial in how they perceived themselves on the island.
It seems strange that a country and continent founded upon the independence of people leaving Europe to take a huge life or death risk coming to America are the exact opposite of the people who today play the victim card. Prior to government programs to help people, people had to make it on their own, use their grit, determination, skills to overcome obstacles which led to prosperity and happy lives.
The LOST characters played their own "victim" cards but in a more sublime way.
Sayid began his island stay as pulling away from the main group. He blamed his upbringing and his years as a soldier to become anti-social. He knew others around him had bias against him because of his skin color, nationality and skills. He never allowed himself not to be controlled by authoritative figures. He kept believing his was a victim in his tragic relationship with his true love, Nadia.
Locke's tormented life branded him a victim at an early age. He had no parents. He was shuffled off from foster home to foster home. He was treated different because he had no family. He tried to rebel against how other people perceived him, but he really wasn't good at anything. He accepted his dead end lifestyle. He never grew up; he remained naive. So naive, that he was truly victimized by his own father who stole a kidney from him; and then later crippled him by pushing him out of a 8 story window.
Kate also played a victim role in order to manipulate people around her. She was the smiling tomboy as a child who was eager to get into trouble in order to get attention, especially from her mother. Her working mother did not put Kate into the Norman Rockwell family setting, so she felt hurt by her mother's need to work. When she blew up her (step)father, she claimed she did it to free her mother from abuse (a victim saving another victim), but her mother rejected that position and demanded Kate accept responsibility for her actions. But like most victims, Kate could never accept that - - - so she ran away.
Jack was a victim of his own success. As a boy, he wanted his father's acknowledgement and approval. He worked hard to become his father's equal. He became a miracle worker spinal surgeon, but still did not garner his father's respect. And when he found out that his drunken father killed a patient on the OR table, Jack was part of the cover-up. Then in a moment of conscious, he betrayed his father and told the truth (in essence becoming the victim in the family lie). With his relationship torn a part, Jack spiraled into the darkness of drug and alcohol addiction - - - a self imposed victimization.
Sawyer was also a victim as a child. His father killed his mother in a murder-suicide. That left Sawyer without a family. He was the innocent victim of a con-man's consequences. So, he vowed to avenge his family, but by doing so he turned his own situation to find victims of his own anger, greed, deceit and criminal behavior. He went from victim to victimizer.
Ben was also an anti-social personality whose core was developed by the victimization by his father. Ben's father blamed Ben daily for his mother's death during premature child birth. Ben was constantly mentally abused by the fact his father did not care for the young boy who killed the woman he had loved. As a result, Ben had no normal upbringing; he had difficulty relating to other people or authority. Like Sawyer, he turned his own plight into darkness - - - the person who enjoyed making victims of other people.
None of the characters in the series who had these victim cards ever really kept to terms with their inner demons that caused their victim status. Many used their internal victim belief as a crutch to explain the bad things that would happen to them. Perhaps that is why there was no overreaching moral tone to the series since it was focused upon so many self-absorbed victims that the good or evil environment was immaterial in how they perceived themselves on the island.
Friday, September 27, 2013
DISASSOCIATION
There has been a trend in Japanese society where its youth disassociate themselves from their culture to escape into their own fantasy worlds, such as anime. It may be based upon economic conditions, the lack of work, or burn out from educational stresses to pass exams. America had a similar bout with a "drop out" culture.
While this may be a temporary delay in finding oneself, it does have the possibility to create self-delusion. While extreme self-delusion within literature certainly dates back to at least Miguel de Cervantes’s 1605 novel Don Quixote, the recent prominence of anime that specifically concentrate on the the tendency of Japanese youth to disassociate with reality or create false personas has to be accepted as a deliberate observation of an existing trend. People are trying to find out what is motivating Japanese youth to disengage from everyday reality. Is it willful psychological disassociation? Or is illustrating real-world causes and impacts to a teen's cognitive disassociation?
As a matter of social commentary, LOST did not hit the big pivot points like poverty, environmental issues or morality. Since TPTB keep saying that it was all about the study of the characters and character development, it may mirror the functional disassociation within American society norms.
The series did contain more than one psychopath. The unyielding quest for unmentioned and unobtainable power drove many characters like Ben and Widmore into killing rampages. Megalomania is a form of psychological transference of one's meek reality into some grand self-righteous plan (usually with the tenor of a destiny or a righteous position to uphold). When Ben kept telling us he was one of "the good guys," did we ever believe his banter?
Many of the characters were disillusioned by their mainland lives. Collectively, most of them were going no where fast. There was no mention of an American Dream goal. And even if they had a chance to start one, like Kate in Florida with her husband, she screwed it up and fled at the first hint of trouble. Criminals have a built-in distaste to follow the norm placed on individuals in society. Likewise, creative people seek to break the normalcy to shock people into recognizing their self-belief genius. Some succeed, but most fail. It used to be that failure was a good thing (you would learn more from your mistakes) but in the new uber-competitive sports culture, failure is no longer an option. You have Tiger Moms creating home educational sweatshops so their child can get into the "best" schools. You have Soccer Moms treating their athlete kids like full time professional ball players. Society's value system can easily be skewed from generation to generation.
The island really had no value system. It did not value life over death. It did not value trust over distrust. It did not value success over failure. If the island was a brain of a teenager, it would be an apathetic, escapist video game console.
What is really sad is that the characters in LOST thought that their miserable time on the island "was the most important part of their lives." How shallow and desperate is that conclusion? The prospect of being killed in a horrible place trapped by monsters and demons was more appealing than an American middle class upbringing to the freedom of young adulthood?
The island did give some characters the ability to "re-create" themselves in their fantasy images, such as Locke as the outback survivalist. But it also allowed others such as Kate to re-stage herself as the "girl next store" flirt to cover her criminal secrets. Both Locke and Kate disassociated themselves from normal society long before they landed on the island. In some respects, they had already given up their lives prior to the crash. They did not take the crash as an opportunity to change their lives, but to fantasize what could have been. Escape to an island where one's own perceived genius and wit can outsmart and out maneuver anything that comes in your way is a compelling fantasy scenario for those persons who have lost their will to become a productive member of society.
While this may be a temporary delay in finding oneself, it does have the possibility to create self-delusion. While extreme self-delusion within literature certainly dates back to at least Miguel de Cervantes’s 1605 novel Don Quixote, the recent prominence of anime that specifically concentrate on the the tendency of Japanese youth to disassociate with reality or create false personas has to be accepted as a deliberate observation of an existing trend. People are trying to find out what is motivating Japanese youth to disengage from everyday reality. Is it willful psychological disassociation? Or is illustrating real-world causes and impacts to a teen's cognitive disassociation?
As a matter of social commentary, LOST did not hit the big pivot points like poverty, environmental issues or morality. Since TPTB keep saying that it was all about the study of the characters and character development, it may mirror the functional disassociation within American society norms.
The series did contain more than one psychopath. The unyielding quest for unmentioned and unobtainable power drove many characters like Ben and Widmore into killing rampages. Megalomania is a form of psychological transference of one's meek reality into some grand self-righteous plan (usually with the tenor of a destiny or a righteous position to uphold). When Ben kept telling us he was one of "the good guys," did we ever believe his banter?
Many of the characters were disillusioned by their mainland lives. Collectively, most of them were going no where fast. There was no mention of an American Dream goal. And even if they had a chance to start one, like Kate in Florida with her husband, she screwed it up and fled at the first hint of trouble. Criminals have a built-in distaste to follow the norm placed on individuals in society. Likewise, creative people seek to break the normalcy to shock people into recognizing their self-belief genius. Some succeed, but most fail. It used to be that failure was a good thing (you would learn more from your mistakes) but in the new uber-competitive sports culture, failure is no longer an option. You have Tiger Moms creating home educational sweatshops so their child can get into the "best" schools. You have Soccer Moms treating their athlete kids like full time professional ball players. Society's value system can easily be skewed from generation to generation.
The island really had no value system. It did not value life over death. It did not value trust over distrust. It did not value success over failure. If the island was a brain of a teenager, it would be an apathetic, escapist video game console.
What is really sad is that the characters in LOST thought that their miserable time on the island "was the most important part of their lives." How shallow and desperate is that conclusion? The prospect of being killed in a horrible place trapped by monsters and demons was more appealing than an American middle class upbringing to the freedom of young adulthood?
The island did give some characters the ability to "re-create" themselves in their fantasy images, such as Locke as the outback survivalist. But it also allowed others such as Kate to re-stage herself as the "girl next store" flirt to cover her criminal secrets. Both Locke and Kate disassociated themselves from normal society long before they landed on the island. In some respects, they had already given up their lives prior to the crash. They did not take the crash as an opportunity to change their lives, but to fantasize what could have been. Escape to an island where one's own perceived genius and wit can outsmart and out maneuver anything that comes in your way is a compelling fantasy scenario for those persons who have lost their will to become a productive member of society.
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