FORGIVING FRIENDS

A recent study showed that grumpy people and those under stress do not have shorter lifespans than happy people. The norm was that unhappy people have more stress in their lives which equates to higher blood pressure and other ailments. But in a large sample study, that could not be proven.

Another study concluded that lonely people had shorter lifespans. How to quantify the amount of loneliness to shaving years off one's life is unknown. But it would seem that depressed people would be more sad and despondent which could led to chemical imbalances in their system.

So it is possible that grumpy, stressed people who have friends can have a normal lifespan. 

The reason is simple: people with friends can unload their inner burdens on someone. Keeping troubles bottled up inside you may be the root cause of ailments, mental or physical. By having a supportive release makes sense since navigating personal decisions in life can be hard and daunting at times.

The more powerful, negative emotions may cause the most lingering problems. Anger, spite, frustration that wrap around someone being mad at someone else or something in their lives can be like constant large waves crashing on your psyche to erode away your thoughts and dreams.

In human relations, the most powerful tool a person has to neutralize the negative emotions is forgiveness.

To forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; or used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.

To ask for forgiveness is hard because it means you must accept and speak out that you made a mistake. On the other hand, those who feel they have been wronged or hurt by another person who is asking for forgiveness may question the sincerity of the act of forgiveness.

Friendships are like a roller coaster; there will be ups and downs. It is the overall ride that matters. If one cannot forgive a friend for a mistake, then that person truly is not a real friend.

TOLD WHAT TO DO

Classic John Locke.

It sums up what he was all about: bitterness.

His anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly with resentment were the key traits of his character.

He was abandoned by his unwed, teen mother.
He was further abandoned by his con artist father.
He was further abandoned by a series of foster parents.

Was this the foundation for a mental condition or just welded into his mind as self-esteem, self-worth and unresolved parental issues.

But bitterness can cause illness.

New research suggests constant bitterness can make a person ill.
 
In the study, Concordia University researchers examined the relationship between failure, bitterness and quality of life.

“Persistent bitterness may result in global feelings of anger and hostility that, when strong enough, could affect a person’s physical health,” said psychologist Dr. Carsten Wrosch.

In his research, Wrosch examines why some people avoid bitterness at different stages of life and why others don’t.

Over the last 15 years, Wrosch has investigated how negative emotions, such as regret or sadness, affect people. Most recently, he has focused his attention on the impact of bitterness.

Feelings of anger and accusation are often found with bitterness.

Unlike regret, which is about self-blame and a case of “woulda, coulda, shoulda,” acrimony points the finger elsewhere — laying the blame for failure on external causes.

“When harbored for a long time,” Wrosch said, “bitterness may forecast patterns of biological dysregulation (a physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function) and physical disease.”

One expert has proposed that bitterness should be recognized as a mental illness. German psychiatrist Dr. Michael Linden argues that bitterness is actually a medical disorder and should be categorized as post-traumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).

He estimates that between one and two per cent of the population is embittered and by giving the condition a proper name, people with PTED will receive the therapeutic attention they deserve.

While experts continue to review this perspective, Wrosch and Renaud say bitterness can be avoided.
They hold that if people who experience failure can find other ways to fulfill their goals they can avoid being bitter.

If they cannot discover alternatives, then individuals need to disengage from futile efforts (e.g., to get promoted, to save a marriage) and reengage in something that’s equally meaningful (e.g., a new job or passion).

This process is called self-regulation. Researchers state that meaningful activities to disengage and reengage can be necessary for a person to avoid bitter emotions.

“Any effective therapeutic intervention,” said Renaud, “hinges on the affected individual finding ways to self-regulate.”

In some cases, overcoming bitterness demands more than self-regulation. When bitterness arises from blaming other people, then recovery may involve others.

“In order to deal with bitter emotions there may need to be something else required to enable a person to overcome the negative emotion — that something is forgiveness,” said Wrosch.

FORGIVENESS

To err is human, to forgive divine - - - Alexander Pope

 

The main characters often said "I'm sorry" to each other, usually after misreading another's intentions.

 

But was the show about forgiveness?

 

Forgiveness is a pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, indulgence, clemency, mercy; reprieve, or amnesty.

The one person who was given the greatest pardon or reprieve was Ben, when he was spared his own death after killing Jacob. Ben had a megalomaniac history of horrible deeds, finishing with killing his own demigod, Jacob. But he was forgiven. And apparently it changed him (at least in the sideways world as a geeky school teacher who wants to make up for his island past by helping Alex and Danielle in their memory erased after life.)

The one person who had the most personal demons was Kate. Her criminal behavior rooted in a delusion of helping to free her mother from an abusive relationship did not result in punishment but clemency. She did not go to jail for murder. She did not go to jail for bank robbery or thefts. She got an unbelievable gift of freedom for a person whose entire life on the run was freedom from responsibility.

The one person who needed the most dispensation was Jack. His life turned into a downward spiral after his father's death because he could not cope with the fact he could not be his equal in his father's own eyes. (It was only after death when that reconciliation happened). Jack had built a quality life for himself: a miracle medical practice, professional respect, a loving first wife - - - that all crumbed through his mental paranoia and drug addictions. But the viewers (and island characters, especially Kate) would forgive his transgressions because deep down, Jack was an honest and good soul.

The one person who lucked out and did not stand for any of his crimes was Sawyer. He got amnesty by falling to earth via the plane crash. And his time on the island fulfilled his one vengeful desire to kill the man who indirectly killed his parents, Cooper. But Sawyer did not go to hell for his bad deeds. Instead, his sideways after life had him in a responsible position as a police detective.

The one character who was granted an indulgence was Hurley. He was self-conscious about his appearance, his intelligence, his personality that his life was going to captured in a career grease monkey at fast food franchises. He had no drive after his father left his family. He blamed himself for other people's misfortunes. He became so self-conscious that he had admitted mental problems, including imaginary friends. When his life derailed with the plane crash, it was a break from his mainland pressures. He could find the things that were missing in his life: real friends and a woman who would truly care for him.