FANTASY ISLAND

LOST's island was nothing near Fantasy Island for romance and healthy, healing relationships.

In fact, the time on the island for romance was crude, rude, manipulative and disastrous.

For example, Ben's dog bone was in perpetual heat throughout the series. He was so creepy that women around him did not need their instinctive creepy meter. When he could not hook up with Juliet, he killed her boyfriend. That must happen a lot to psychopathic losers.

Even when Juliet found a partner, he was killed or in the case of Sawyer, manipulative for survival mode after the time skip. It is hard to tell whether Sawyer was attracted to Juliet in the Other's camp, or merely using her to game the system. But in the end, most people think when Juliet died after the Swan implosion, Sawyer was hurt and emotionally scarred by the loss. He started to blame others for the death. He reverted back to his old, con-man self.

Kate was the master love con artist. She manipulated boys throughout her life, leading one to rob a bank just to get back a toy airplane. She hooked up with Sawyer not out of love but as a means of trying to get the weapon to neutralize his advantage in the castaway camp. It seemed that Kate was destined to be lost in love. Her relationship with Jack was doomed from the start. She spent her entire life running away from responsibility and accountability while Jack had the opposite drive as being the miracle surgeon.

One of the most tortured love lines was with Sayid. He claimed, pined and did horrible things in order for him to re-connect with the love of his life, Nadia. But despite those personal vows, he had a quick affair with Shannon before she was killed. How Shannon eliminated the years that Sayid lived for Nadia was illogical.

It was also illogical for Hurley to "find" Libby on the island. She was clearly in the mental institution day room prior to the plane crash. Was Libby there to stalk an innocent, fragile nerd like Hurley - - - for his wealth? The time line is unclear, but it seems Libby was there prior to learning of Hurley's lottery winnings, but after her husband died. It was clear Libby was recruited to come to the island to manipulate the castaways in taking a side during the island control battle. But it still seems that Hurley had more of a connection with the store clerk he lost to his best friend than with island Libby. When Libby died, Hurley mourned but he seemed not have grown by the experience to want to live a normal life.

Locke never had a normal life because he self-sabotaged it. He has a caring, loving relationship with Helen, but Locke ruined it by his deep bitterness toward his parents. When Cooper stole his kidney, Locke's fragile psyche led Helen to demand he cut off contact. But he did not, causing Cooper to push Locke out a window which lead to his paralysis. Even after that one devastating incident, Helen could still care for him - - - but Locke ruined it by going back to his father to try to find answers.

Charlie got the answer he did not expect from Claire when she rejected him (during the time Locke was being helpful toward her new born, Aaron.) Charlie was always in search for a deep family connection, but he was left drifting after his brother got married. He had a one sided crush on Claire, which was crushed by rejection. This led to Charlie believing his life had meaning so he "sacrificed" himself in the dumbest way at the underwater station.

The one pre-existing couple, Sun and Jin, actually broke up during their island stay. There marriage was doomed from the start. She was the neglected daughter of a rich industrialist. He was a dirt poor son of a fisherman. He dreamed of being a wealthy man. Her dream was to be accepted as an equal by her father. When she could not attain that, she tried to sabotage her father's reputation by marrying a common loser. But when Jin suddenly turned into a lackey for money, Sun was once again neglected - - - this time by her husband. Their story line ended in a muddled accident-suicide in the flooded submarine (Jin made the decision to give up his life and die with Sun instead of trying to live to raise their child.)

Did anyone find love and happiness from their island experience? The answer was clearly no.

PROS AND CONS

Some people use horoscopes and astrology signs to determine whether they are compatible with other people, especially in relationships. The positive and negatives of each sign are mere generalizations. However, some people are comforted by those general attributes.

Likewise, you can always put together the pros and cons of characters with each other in their potential relationships.

JACK and KATE.

Pros: Both have lost Daddy issues so they have a common focus.

Cons: Jack tries to fix his problems to gain his father's favor, while Kate runs away from her problems.

SAWYER and KATE.

Pros: Both have a reckless, wild and manipulative to criminal mindset.

Cons: Both have a reckless, wild and manipulative to criminal mindset.

SAYID and SHANNON.

Pros: Both feel abandoned by their families but for different reasons.

Cons: He is sentimental while she is too selfish.

LOCKE and HELEN.

Pros: Both longed to have their own family.

Cons: Locke was obsessed with his past to not see a hopeful future with Helen. Helen was too naive and supportive of Locke to tell that he would never change.

HURLEY and LIBBY.

Pros:   Both tend to be introverted followers with an easy sense of humor.

Cons: Both have hidden emotional and psychological scars that block them from opening up to others.

CHARLIE and CLAIRE.

Pros: Youthful spirits that are trying to run away from their personal faults and failures.

Cons: Charlie's addictive personality traits and Claire's psychological paranoia to the pressure of family life.

JIN and SUN.

Pros: They share the same culture but from different parts of the social spectrum. They are both rebellious against their position in life. They share a similar goal.

Cons: Their personal ambitions lead to personality conflicts with other people. Personal goals outweigh relationship goals.

DANIEL and CHARLOTTE.

Pros: An analytical and practical mind tend to work well together as a team.

Cons: Daniel's sheltered life with his dominant mother makes it difficult for him to communicate, while Charlotte's personal drive stifles other people around her.

As in real life, the LOST characters' relationships had their strong points and their weaknesses. In the eight relationships noted above, five failed. One was a dubious affair and the other two bonded apparently in the after life.

FRIENDSHIP STUDY

Just because you consider someone your friend doesn’t mean that they feel the same way. A new study, published in PLOS One,  indicates that people may have more one-sided friendships than they think they do, according to an article in Science of Us.

In the study, MIT researchers asked 84 undergraduates in a class to score how well they knew other people in the class. They “asked each participant to score every other participant on a 0–5 scale, where 0 means ‘I do not know this person’, 3 means ‘Friend’ and 5 means ‘One of my best friends,’" as the paper explains. Then, the participants were asked to predict how other people would score them.

Predictably, people thought that the people who they considered their friends would also rate them as friends. But this wasn’t the case. Almost half of all the friendships reported in the survey weren’t reciprocal—meaning that only one of the two people considered the other a friend. This, the researchers note, might be about social climbing: People might be more likely to claim friendship with a person of higher social standing, while people who are popular are more choosy about who they call a friend.

The study authors gave a survey to 84 college students in the same class, asking each one to rate every other person in the study on a scale of zero (“I do not know this person”) to five (“One of my best friends”), with three as the minimum score needed to qualify for friendship. The participants also wrote down their guesses for how each person would rate them.

Overall, the researchers documented 1,353 cases of friendship, meaning instances where one person rated another as a three or higher. And in 94 percent of them, the person doing the ranking guessed that the other person would feel the same way. 

Which makes sense — you probably wouldn’t call someone a friend, after all, unless you thought that definition was mutual. That’s why we have terms to capture more one-sided relationships, like friend crush or hey, I don’t really know her but I think she’s neat. Both of which, come to think of it, might have been better descriptors of a lot of the relationships in the study. In reality, only 53 percent of the friendships — a small, sad, oh honey number of them — were actually reciprocal.

Some caveats: The study was small, and all the subjects were undergraduates; friendships change over the course of a lifetime, and it’s certainly possible that, over time, many tenuous lopsided friendships can dwindle to a more solid few. But the study authors also looked at a handful of previous surveys on friendship, ranging in size from 82 people to 3,160, and found similar results: Among those, the highest proportion of reciprocal friendships was 53 percent, and the lowest was a bummer, at 34 percent.

“These findings suggest a profound inability of people to perceive friendship reciprocity, perhaps because the possibility of non-reciprocal friendship challenges one’s self-image,” the study authors wrote. Fair enough. No one likes to think of themselves as the unwanted hanger-on, chasing a relationship that doesn’t really exist and maybe never will; this blind spot, then, may be a form of emotional self-defense.

Recent research has tied friendship to major health benefits, including living longer, having better mental health, and lower risk of dementia.  While some studies have linked these benefits to specifically satisfying friendships, it’s harder to say whether people who have one-sided friendships actually find them unsatisfying, or if they derive just as much pleasure from interacting with people who only consider them acquaintances as with people who perceive their bond as closer. This might also add a layer of complexity to studies about social influence, which typically ask people about their perceived social networks.

One of the major takeaways from LOST's sideways church ending was that the main characters, a bunch of loners, found each other through friendship on the island. The theme that friendship will give one's life meaning and purpose was a powerful reflection to the show's conclusion. But this study shows that may also have been an illusion; if you look at the group of people sitting in the pews in the sideways church as friends - - - you would only be half right. Half of the people would not consider themselves friends with the other half.

Which then begs the question of the End: who was the "mutual" friend that brought all these people together? Most would think Jack - - -  but Jack was never Sawyer's true friend (a rival, perhaps). Locke and Sawyer never hung out. Sayid and Sawyer actually fought. Just about everyone had a gripe with Sawyer.  Rose and Bernard were friendly, but never good friends with anyone. They got fed up with the group to go live by themselves. The best guess of the mutual friend that everyone got along with would have been Hurley. The LOST group was then not really Jack's group, but Hurley's.

AJIRA'S RETURN

One of the great unknowns is what happened to the Ajira plane after it took off from the island.

We see it fly over a dying Jack, but we really do not know if it ever made it back to the mainland. It was a damaged plane fixed without tools or supplies. It may have not had enough fuel to reach a destination. And if the island's electromagnetic shell was still working, it would have not let the plane travel in any direction except in circles.

But we are led to believe that the passengers got home safely. That they returned to their lives and died "much later" than Jack, according to sideways Christian in the church anteroom.

But is that believable?

If the Ajira return passengers got back to the mainland, they would have been celebrity-heroes. They would have been hounded by the media for interviews, shows and biographies. They would have met other celebrities, been part of the B-list jet set, and had their lives totally changed.

Frank piloted the plane off the Hydra Island with Kate, Claire, Richard, Sawyer and Miles on board.

One would assume that if Frank got back, he may have retired to Florida to charter smaller planes. It never made sense that he would have returned to a commercial pilot status after the 815 crash psychosis and alcoholism. Frank would have been the type to recede into the background.

Kate would have returned to the mainland as a free woman. But what would have happened to her? She was still married to Florida police officer Kevin Callis. She could not have been declared legally dead. Kevin truly loved and supported Kate, but he must have been devastated when she left him. He never showed up in the O6 arc. Would he ask her for a second chance upon her return to the States? If so, then Kate should have not ended up in the sideways church with Jack. She would have created a long life with Kevin. But that does not seem to be the case, as Kate arrives without him in the afterlife.

More likely, Kate would have reverted back to a life of recklessness. She enjoyed being a fugitive, using her wits to get out of trouble. She was a troublemaker. She tried to change by being a homemaker to Aaron, but she abandoned that notion on the wild dream that she could find and return Claire to him.

Likewise, Sawyer would have come back with no career, no prospects except the con game. But he also had a person to re-connect with: Cassidy, the mother of his child, Clementine. If Sawyer had changed into a responsible adult during his time with Juliet in the time loop 3 years in the Dharma camp, one could imagine Sawyer wanting to have a "real" family and a "real" life. But that does not seem to have happened, because Sawyer does not end up in the afterlife with either Cassidy or Clementine.

Claire's return would have been problematic. First, she was an emotional and psychological nightmare. She loved a dead squirrel baby. If she returned to the mainland, she would have had to go back to Australia to face her mother in order to re-connect with Aaron. But the main issue with the O6 arc was that Claire's mother, Carole, was on life support because Christian was paying for it. When he died, the support ended. It was a miracle that Carole suddenly recovered and found her way to LA for Christian's funeral. No one would have told her that. And for Carole to take Aaron out of the United States when all the documents said it was Kate's baby - - - again, legally far-fetched and unbelievable. But even if the fairy tale ending happened and Claire was reunited with Aaron - -  what would she do? Would she seek out Aaron's father, Thomas, and live happily ever after on her celebrity fame? Doubtful, since it seemed that Thomas was the type not to accept responsibility. Claire's return to the afterlife casts doubts on whether anyone survived the return flight. She was pregnant with Aaron, meaning she never reunited with him. It may mean that her mother and Aaron rejected her - - - so she may have been institutionalized from her island trauma and grief. But how she could re-create the soul of Aaron outside his own time-life line is a major plot hole. (This is also true with Sun and Jin).

Miles return to the States was also problematic. He had given up being a spiritual con-artist, speaking to the dead to give loved ones closure. We don't know if his mother, Lara, was still alive. But if Miles was going to re-start his life, one would expect he would start back in his hometown, Encino, and probably return to a job as a mechanic. The only other alternative would to follow Sawyer down his path if the con game was still an option. But since Miles does not make it to the sideways church reunion, he moved on to his own life.

Richard would have continued to be a lost soul. He was more than a 160 years old when he left the island. Nothing is known about what happened to Richard after he left the island. But the gray hair he discovered before leaving suggests that he later aged as a normal person would. But he had no place to go - - - everyone he knew was long gone, dead. Would he have reconnected with the few remaining remains of Ben's network of spies and assassins? Probably not, because they had no purpose anymore. Richard would return to the modern world with no identity, no resources, no family and no friends. He would truly be a man out of his time. And that would be a sad, troublesome end for him. He also did not show up at the church.

The sideways church reunion was supposed to wrap up the grand question of LOST. Christian reassured Jack that they are all "real,"  Jack's life was real, and the people in the church were real. Jack asks if everyone else is dead too, and Christian explains that "everyone dies sometime, kiddo. Some before you, some long after you." When Jack asks why everyone is here now, Christian responds that "There is no now . . . here", and that this is a place they all made together to find one another, because the most important part of Jack's life was the time he spent with these people, and that's why they are all here; no one lives life alone. He needed them, and they needed him; to remember, and to let go. Jack tells Christian that Kate said they were all leaving. Christian explained they aren't leaving; they're moving on. 

But if the Ajira plane did return to the mainland, and those passengers did live long lives as expected, one would presume that they would have made new friends, had new relationships, gotten married, had children - - - created a brand new life separate and more important than the island world. If Sawyer spent the next 50 years brooding about losing Juliet, then that would have horrible (and totally out of character). If Kate secretly pined for Jack, that would also be counter to the chances she had with him on the island and during the O6 arc (when she rejected him for the last time). We can then only assume that she led a spinster, quiet and lonely life if Jack was the best thing she ever had. And apparently, Claire had no life since she is re-creating it over again with Charlie.

Which gets us to a new question: is the sideways (after life) itself an illusion, a fantasy, a re-boot? It must be if you take Sun-Jin and Claire's post-pregnancies into account. Then if that is not believable as in a truth, then can we take anything that Christian said as being true? It makes more sense that the Ajira flight did not make it home. That the passengers last moments of life were thinking about the island and the people they left behind.

DADDY ISSUES

Women struggle to find a man who will be the man of her dreams; but as a child the man who made her young dreams come true was her father.

The one man in their life that's holding women back from other men in your life is the shadow of your father.

Growing up is not easy. Parent-child dynamic is complex.

Parents have the greatest influence on how you will grow up. They will form the values, principles and morals that will be the center of your adult core. During childhood,  parents have absolute power over you, and they're the defining influence in your life (and love life) during your formative years.
Fathers often are seen as the disciplinary, the voice of reason and punishment.

If one grows up with relationship issues with one's parents, it can leak into other parts of life.

LOST was filled with women with "daddy issues," which describes a woman's intimacy problems with men as a result of conflict with her father.

It's a concept that makes sense intuitively, but is difficult to explain in words but instinctively generalize.

Sociologists have concluded that many young women come into greater-than-normal conflict with  their fathers growing up, and those issues are transformed in how they deal with other men in the future. Most people can overcome it, depending on the severity of the situation. Others struggle.

Here are some signs a woman might be the latter.

1. You don't trust men.

It's not easy to truth others when the first, most important man to enter your life breaks that trust. Think about how hard it is to trust a partner after you've been cheated on. Broken trust causes people to guard themselves more closely in the future, lest you be hurt again.

2. You generalize men.

Look at your Facebook or Twitter feed and count how many times you see a variation of the phrase "All men are jerks." Most everyone would agree that all people are different. You have to take each person on a case-by-case basis. But if you spent most of your early life dealing with a "jerk," every time you encounter another one it reinforces a bias viewpoint toward all men. 

The problem is, your experience is heavily weighted in your mind toward the jerk example, and it would take tons and tons of great guys to tip the scales in the other direction ... an amount that will likely never happen if everybody is a coin-flip.

3. You need constant attention — positive and negative.

People who miss out on attention from one parent early in life tend to seek it out in others. It can be destructive because you'll take attention however you can get it. Like a child who acts out to get their parents to notice, you can hurt yourself and others.

If your father was aloof or otherwise ignored you growing up, you might be overly needy in a relationship. You can lash out to get your partner's attention when you feel you aren't getting enough of the conventional kind. You may seek out love from strangers in the hope of finding happiness. But this may be another form of negative reinforcement since you cannot find a suitable replacement for the void of your father in your adult life.

4. You're overly defensive.

A common response to pain is to recede into a shell. You can't be hurt if you never put your heart out there. Having a poor relationship with your father may lead you to not let other men get close to you emotionally.

The consequences of this on your love life are far-reaching. Do you never take the "next step" in a relationship? Do you bail at the first sign of trouble? Do you go cold when he wants to get closer?

5. You have trouble committing.

You've seen the fallout of bad relationships and you want no part of it. Whether it's the way your father treated your mother, or your personal relationship with him, you just know what happens when things go badly.

The truth is, it's hard to remember that everybody and every situation is different. Just because your parents got divorced and hated each other doesn't mean that you'll suffer the same fate.

6. You tend to prefer much older men.

In a subconscious effort to reconcile your relationship with your father, you may have a habit of pursuing much older men. You see someone reminiscent of your father showering you with love and attention, and it compensates for that deficit in your relationship with your father in some way.

ATTRACTION

One of the themes and problems in LOST was how it treated relationships. Many viewers were confused by the choices the writers gave to the final couples in the sideways church. Some people were meant to be with each other, others were not.

A huge amount of social and scientific resources have been spent on trying to figure out the complexities of social relationships. Why people connect. Why people are attracted to each other. Why people fall in and out of love.

It does seem our modern experience does center around attraction. But attraction is a nebulous concept. It is hard to define. It is part emotional bond and instinctive reaction. It may be more superficial than deeply lasting affection.

One way to define ATTRACTION  is:

A: Acceptance

T: Time

T: Trust

R: Respect

A: Admiration

C: Counsel

T: Touch

I: Intelligence

O: Overtness

N: Nurturing

No one can really argue that these ten relationship traits are the foundation for strong bonds between couples. If one adds the modifier "mutual" to each one of these traits, then there is no question there is an unbreakable bond of love.

Sometimes it is easier to accept someone else than to accept yourself. Every individual wants to be accepted for who they are - - - because trying to "fake" it through life is too time consuming and emotionally draining. Everyone has faults, flaws and quirks. Accepting the whole person instead one or two minor issues is the first step on the path to happiness.

Time is an extremely limited and precious commodity that most people take for granted in their lives until it is too late. Spending time with some one you care about is more valuable than working to exhaustion for a couple extra bucks. Time together, even in the dark silence of movie theater, is an expression of commitment.

People are born with instincts to fear the unknown, and to distrust "new" things that could hurt them. Trust must be earned. Trust must be respected. Trust is that the person you care about will be there for you; stand by your side; have your back; fight for you and trust you to make the right decisions.

Respect is also earned. It is important to respect  the person your partner is, what they believe in, being non-judgmental and being kind are all moons orbiting the space of Trust. Do not regrade the other; treat people like you want to be treated.

Admiration is the pleasurable assurance that your partner is doing well. Any supportive gesture goes a long way in smoothing out the highs and lows in any relationship. The effort put into a relationship is just as important as the end result.

Counsel is related to the openness and honesty in a good relationship. You should not have to hesitate in asking the other person questions. You should be able to ask or tell the other person anything that is on your mind without fear of anger or reprisal. You should look to your partner as a best friend and confidant, who can help you make decisions which are in your best interests.

Touch is important because science has shown that in human behavior, non-verbal cues are more important than words. A kiss, a stroke of hair, holding hands speak volumes about the state of the bonds in a relationship. The transformation to the  physical aspect of love make two individuals into one being has been discussed for thousands of years. Compatibility, fun and pleasure are the benefits of a full and healthy relationship.

Overtness is openness and honesty in a relationship. Hiding secrets or feelings are destructive hidden landmines that couples can set which can suddenly destroy what is good between them.

Nurturing is the care for and encouragement  the growth or development of another person, physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally and personally. It is the unconditional support of another person who is trying to find their way, expand their horizons, seeking their dreams or yearning to accomplish goals. This is the glue that will cement any solid relationship.

RELATIONSHIP BREAK UPS

The series had several emotional break-ups. How people react to this stressful situation added drama to the show. Such situations mirror real life.

Chances are good that you’ve already experienced a romantic break-up or two. Pairing up and eventually parting ways is part and parcel of the romantic experience. Nothing remarkable about that, right? Well, what happens after breakups, and the significant difference between how men and women handle them, is sufficiently fraught that some researchers have dedicated their whole academic careers to studying the phenomenon.

Craig Morris Ph.D., professor of anthropology at Binghamton University, is one such person. As lead researcher on a study recently published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, he revealed that women experience more emotional pain after a breakup, but they recover more fully recover than men, who simply move on.

When 5,705 participants in 96 countries were asked to rate the pain of a breakup on a scale of 1 (none) to 10 (unbearable), women reported higher levels of physical and emotional pain, but they became emotionally stronger afterward. Men never fully recovered.

Morris ascribes the differences to biology. “Put simply, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man,” he says. For our female ancestors (and even today), the briefest encounter with a male could lead to long-term consequences like pregnancy and child-rearing. “It’s this ‘risk’ of higher biological investment that, over evolutionary time, has made women choosier about selecting a high-quality mate. Hence, the loss of a relationship hurts.”

For men, who have evolved to compete for the romantic attention of women, the loss of a high-quality mate might not hurt as much at first, says Morris. “The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it sinks in that he must start competing all over again to replace what he has lost—or worse still, come to the realization that the loss is irreplaceable.”
Studying breakups, specifically the grieving process attached to them, is an important academic focus says Morris, because most of us will have already experienced an average of three breakups by age 30, not to mention a divorce rate that still hovering around 50%.  At least one of these breakups will be devastating enough that it will affect our quality of life.

“People lose jobs, students withdraw from classes, and individuals can initiate extremely self-destructive behavior patterns following a breakup,” Morris says. The damaging effects can call for specific interventions.

Grace Larson, now a graduate student at Northwestern University, wondered whether participating in a study post-breakup would hurt or help participants heal. In a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, Larson and the team of researchers at University of Arizona looked at “self-concept reorganization,” the process of seeing and defining oneself separate from one’s ex. Asking the participants to reflect on their relationships helped them build a stronger sense of who they were as single people.

The methods used to measure well-being and coping did improve the participants’ well-being, although the researchers can’t say for sure which aspects of the study caused the changes. It may relate to participants thinking about their breakups from a distanced perspective, says Larson. Or, “it might be simply the effect of repeatedly reflecting on one’s experience and crafting a narrative, especially a narrative that includes the part of the story where one recovers.”

For those struggling with the aftershocks of a relationship, Larson suggests finding ways to regularly reflect on the recovery process. “For instance, a person could complete weekly check-ins related to his or her emotions and reactions to the breakup and record them in a journal,” she says, or write about the process of the breakup as though talking to a stranger about it.

Rebuilding a clear and independent concept of yourself appears to be the biggest force for recovery, so Larson suggests that anyone who’s recently experienced a breakup should consider who he or she is, apart from the relationship. “If that person can reflect on the aspects of him- or herself that he or she may have neglected during the relationship but can now nurture once again, this might be particularly helpful.”

Morris recommends that men and women going through heartbreak reach out to friends and family. “Immerse themselves in literature on the topic. Reflect on things that they did (and more likely did not do) wrong. Most importantly, realize that they are not alone.”

FOR THE LOVE OF CRIME

It's a different kind of fatal attraction.

Hybristophilia is a term used by criminologists -- but not scientists -- to describe a sexual attraction to violent killers in prison, who often receive racy love letters or sexy undergarments from their fans.

Also known as the "Bonnie and Clyde syndrome," it has existed throughout time and across borders.

Norway's most famous mass murderer gets hundreds of fan letters from lovelorn women, including marriage proposals. Charles Manson had his cult following, even in prison.

Why some women are attracted to "the bad boy" persona baffles normal men.

Perhaps, due to societal pressures and expectations, women have to repress their desires for freedom and adventure. They seek to find fulfillment with "exciting" men who appear to be the rebellious answer to their conservative peer pressures. It also may a motherly adaptation of the theme of trying to change a bad man into a good one.

So who were the "bad boys" of LOST?

Sawyer, the charming con man, clearly used his image and talents to find women falling over him. Even after the con, some women still adored him. The women who fell for him were usually those lonely housewives that lacked a spark of excitement in their marriages, or had self-worth issues that could be solved with a "big financial score." However, Kate was clearly drawn to Sawyer because they shared a same reckless, self-first survival mode.

Ben was a sociopath, a mass murderer. In the show, he had no girlfriend. He tried to impose his will on the women in the compound, but his tyranny did not evoke any connection with women in the camp. However, in fan groups, there were several women who adored Ben's character, which may be closer to the Bonnie and Clyde syndrone mentioned above. Women could be attracted to such a bad character because Ben was not a real person in their lives, much as a prisoner in a life sentence without parole could never be part of the real lives. It is that real barrier that allows the fantasy connection to be expressed by these women.

Jacob may have also been a sociopath. He brought people to the island as candidates, only to have almost all of the candidates perish. He played games with human lives. But he was also a loner. We never saw any connection to anyone, except his Crazy Mother (also a sociopath) and his estranged brother. In an odd way, perhaps Jacob's game of bringing people to the island was a means of combating his loneliness, or a weak attempt to attract someone he could truly love. The mystery of Jacob did spawn a group of followers, including women in the Others camp. But it seems that Jacob never acted upon his cult followers in any way to allow them to meet or interact with him in a human way. Even in Greek stories, the gods would at times come to Earth to mingle, tease, and procreate with interior humans, usually to invoke the wrath of higher gods.

PRIORITIES AND PAIN

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. ― Mark Twain

Relationships may be the hardest work human beings do.

Attraction is almost involuntary. Becoming a loving couple is intentional.

If one person promises to make the other person in their life their number one priority, that is viewed as an unconditional commitment. But what if the other person is not at the same place in their relationship? Things can quickly turn to a disaster.

Part of building a strong relationship is peeling away the layers of personal illusion (the fantasies, the desires, the dreams of what each individual wants in his/her life, and life partner), and building in its place,  a solid foundation of love, trust and respect for the other person.

If one gets ahead of the other, he will be tearing a part his soul with nothing to replace the missing pieces - - - - and he will become empty inside.

The best in Life is a series of layered, shared experiences. If you can draw the best out of another person, you should be with that person. The little differences, the arguments, the misunderstandings, can easily be balanced through simple, honest and open communication. Working things out is one of the great "shared" experiences that help couples grow fonder and foster a deeper bond between them.

CLOSURE

Some things end.  Some things end when you least expect them to end; friendships and relationships.

How they end may be as important as why they ended.

When one person breaks off a friendship or relationship cold turkey, this may lead the other person bewildered, confused, and in shock. If that person does not know what he or she did wrong, the pain of loss is intensified by the lack of closure.

Closure is the act or process of closing something in the a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work or  a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.

The LOST experience mirrors real life in many ways. For die hard fans, the characters in the show were their weekly friends. They bonded with their stories, hopes and dreams. They were so involved in their lives that they took to the internet to debate, defend and marvel in their characters attributes and stories. So many people were going to take it hard when LOST ended just as any bond of friendship or affection ends in real life.

At least in the series, the producers were given the opportunity to wrap up what they considered the important loose ends to give the main characters a send off to the heavens.  More fans than not accepted the finale as being the resolution they wanted for their characters, their friends and themselves. The journey was not a waste of time. It was just a sad reminder that the six years together was over. Only memories remain.

In real life, some people do not get the opportunity to say goodbye in a relationship. Suddenly, a person is taken away by an accident or sudden death. Sometimes friendships fade away from neglect or fear that they may become too serious for one person. Sometimes relationships end in a heated way that leaves the parties bitter and hurt. Sometimes the pain lingers because one person in a relationship does not have the opportunity to say "I'm sorry," or even "goodbye." The lack of closure takes a greater toll than the known or unknown reason for the break-up.

Even fans who hated LOST's ending can still feel that the series and their relationship to the show ended with real closure. They know how things ended. They know the characters got together as part of their bonds of friendship. Certain characters found their true loves. It may have been overly sweet and cliche ending, but none the less, an ending.

Many TV shows are canceled between seasons, with a cliffhangers or characters in limbo. This is the worst type of fan purgatory - - - not knowing what was going to happen. Unless the show is rescued by a Netflix, Amazon or other secondary outlet, there will always be a "what if?" haunting question in the viewer's mind. That question is also pondered in real life. It is not a good feeling. But sociologists tell us that even the harshest questions about other people will fade over time.

RELATIONSHIPS

There is a fine line between the strong bonds of friendship to the depth of romantic relationships.

Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection; a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. It also means a great interest and pleasure in something like "his love for football" or  "we share a love of music."

Because the two definitions overlap, it may cause problems between two individuals on what each perceives as their status together.


The word "love" comes from Old English "lufu," of Germanic origin; from an Indo-European root shared by Sanskrit "lubhyati" meaning desires and Latin "libet" for  ‘it is pleasing,’ libido ‘desire.’ 

We attempt all the time to please our friends. It is a means to maintain and strengthen one's friendship. We do so by sharing time together, events, memories and ideas. A good friend wants to reach out to support another friend in a time of need. 

When things get criss-crossed is when one so loves being around a friend of the opposite sex that deeper feelings begin to well up inside.  It may stun or frighten the other friend to find out that affection for each other has turned into attraction.

Affection is an emotional state of a gentle feeling of fondness or liking that can have physical expressions of these feelings such as greetings or hugs. It's roots come from Middle English and Old French from Latin "affectio" from "afficere" to mean to influence.

Closely related (and hence confusing) is attraction.  Attraction is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something. It is a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire. It also comes from Middle English from Latin "attractio," from the verb "attrahere" (to attract).

Attraction is the action to cause (someone) to have a sexual or romantic interest in someone; "it was her beauty that attracted him."

The tightrope is very narrow. Friends have affection (love) to be around each other because of mutual interests, experiences and support. That is the internal emotion state. Attraction is the action of taking affection to another level (to "be in love" with another person). 

It is because these two emotional states are so close together but represent two vastly different concepts that gets people into trouble. You can only try to make someone fall in love with you. Some people try too hard. Some people don't try hard enough. Some people get caught up in a moment. Some people make mistakes confusing affection with attraction, to the point of destroying a good friendship.

Many people may find attraction the first and only means of finding true love. It may be shallow, but in a subconscious, guarded way it makes sense because we one wants to test the waters you first go to the shallow end and not dive into the more dangerous the deep end. But there is no rule against doing it the other way - - - since most couples want their lover to be their best friend.

There is little to no logic in this situation. This is an emotional gambit that can end three ways: working out, breaking up or maintaining the status quo of friendship. The sad fact is that many great friendships have been lost by the mere fact that affection turns to non-mutual attraction.

LOCKE STEP

Was John Locke the Key to Lost?

Many things have been said and written about LOST, but one thing has not been its clarity. LOST continues to befuddle, confuse and head scratch the best of series scholars. Since the ensemble cast had so many back stories, conflicts and relationship issues, it was the ultimate smoke screen (smoke monsters excepted) to NOT tell us what was really going on.

Let's look at some objective situations with the show's beloved whipping boy, Locke.

Prior to Flight 815, Locke was a handicapped loner who totally screwed up everything in his life. He was abandoned by his crazy teen mother who had been knocked up in the 1950s by a traveling con man. Locke miraculously survived a premature birth in a rural hospital with no advanced technology (but he was visited by Albert, an immortal island liaison who would try to recruit young Locke to the island.)

Locke was literally and figuratively a "broken man" when he got aboard the flight to LAX. His outback adventure turned into a bitter rejection. His final straw in his life snapped when he was not allowed to go on the trip.

One could remark at this point that Locke's outrageous and outlandish dreams had turned into one, big nightmare. And the "crash" on the island could be the manifestation of his nightmare.

Science has tied psychotic tendencies in parents to their children. There may be a genetic component to mental illness. Since Locke's mother was institutionalized, there may have been some lingering paranoia and delusional behavior hard wired into Locke's mind. As such, Locke's mental state could be the real state of the show, as many theories have speculated that the premise of the show had to be the fantasies and fears of a person's mind.

Locke was permanently paralyzed. There was no medical procedure to correct his crushed spinal cord. He would be trapped in his wheelchair for the rest of his life.

But once he "survived" the plane crash, he was no longer "trapped" in his wheelchair. That is a physical impossibility. The physical impact of a plane crash does not "heal" broken bones; it tears a part of person's body upon impact. Locke's transformation from a severely handicapped man to a strong,  outback survivalist was unbelievable. A few people believe that the island's "healing" properties "changed" Locke. But that theory does not objectively hold true as many of the other passengers were in good health but sustained traumatic and fatal injuries. Other viewers believe that Locke was chosen by god to do his work - - - a supernatural intervention. Again, there is little evidence that any spiritual god was part of the show, let alone communicating and giving characters personal miracles. For if the island was a spiritual dimension, our general notions of good vs. evil; right vs. wrong; and the moral litmus tests for eventual good souls to go to paradise, none of those concepts were present in any religious context. In fact, some really, really bad people wound up in the same heavenly afterlife as the good people. So, a minority view Locke as the poster boy for "everyone died" theory.

Now, TPTB continue to vehemently deny that the passengers on 815 died on impact, and the island was about purgatory. But objectively, they contradicted themselves in Season 6 where the run-up to the conclusion was clearly "everyone died."

In fact a few people, including Locke, "died" many times. A few doubt Locke survived the fall from the office building (where he was met by Jacob who "touched" him, perhaps bringing him "back to life?") Some believe that Locke and his fellow passengers did not survive the plane crash. Later, some view the FDW and purple flash as another death portal that a normal human being could not survive. Then, we saw Locke strangled by Ben. Then we saw Locke's form reincarnated by MIB on the island to seek revenge against everyone - - - then falling dead to the rocks after being shot by Kate.

Locke went from an abandoned baby who should not have survived, to a abandoned adult in foster homes, to a loner and loser adult who bounced from job to job with no direction or common sense, to being tricked into giving up a kidney to a con man, to being crippled by the same man, then surviving a plane crash to become a heroic hunter leader. It sounds too made up to be true (even in this fictional series). Locke's path shows the self-grandeur that Locke himself would dream himself to be.  This bolsters the dream theorists who think that the show was about one man's fantasies about himself.

It is a good study to show Locke's dreams (being a leader, a hunter, a lady's man, a jock, etc) seem to collide with his subconscious fears, phobias and experiences (being a worker, without friends, bad with women, anger and authority issues, etc.). The torment of Locke's mind is the sowed fertile fields of his imagination - - - the back and forth between the good (dreams) and bad (nightmares). This sums up the LOST experience, through Locke's own story.

Locke's own story could be the real story of LOST.

A SAINT AND A SINNER

Of all the secondary characters in LOST, Helen Norwood would probably be nominated as the most important to the underlying mythology themes of the series. She was a saint compared to all the sinners.

Helen was Locke's girlfriend for a period during his life before the plane crash, whom he had intended to marry. (In the sideways world, they were engaged to be married in October, 2004) After Locke returned to the mainland in an attempt to bring back the O6 survivors, it was revealed that she had died of a brain aneurysm in 2006. 

Locke's relationship with Helen was a bitter triumph of self-destruction. Helen had the patience of a saint. She kept giving Locke chance after chance, but Locke refused to let go of his past. Locke's anger, frustration and revenge for how he perceived his life going so wrong clouded his judgment that the best thing about his life was right in front of him: Helen, who unconditionally loved him before and after his horrible disability.

Locke and Helen met at an anger-management support group of which they were both members. After his outburst at the group about their whining, Helen approached Locke outside and told him that she appreciated his candor and shared his frustrations. She also flirted by telling him that she liked bald men - despite Locke not being bald she said that she was prepared to wait. 

Their friendship moved to the bedroom fairly quickly and continued to blossom. During a meal at a restaurant, Helen gave Locke a key to her flat as a six-month anniversary present. She told him that she'd followed him and discovered that he was sneaking out at night to lurk outside his father's   house. The gift of the key was given on the condition that he stopped going there, to which Locke agreed.

Despite his promise to stop, Locke continued to spend long periods in his car waiting outside Cooper's house. Helen followed him again and shunted her car into the back of his, stormed over to his window and snatched his keys from the ignition. She threw the keys over the security gates in the drive and implored him to give up on his obsession and take a "leap of faith" with her. Shortly after, Locke moved in with Helen. Locke eventually started making plans to propose to Helen over a romantic picnic. Unfortunately on the morning of the picnic Helen spotted Cooper's obituary in the newspaper and that the funeral was scheduled for that day. Helen accompanied Locke to the funeral to support him. Some days after the funeral, Cooper revealed to Locke that he was still alive and convinced him to participate in a criminal financial scheme in exchange for a share of the money. Locke's suspicious behavior and a run in with gang members searching for Cooper led Helen to follow him again. She turned up at the motel, where Locke was meeting Cooper to hand over the money. She demanded of Cooper: "Are you him?", slapped him and berated him for his treatment of Locke before leaving to go back to her car. Locke caught up with her in the parking lot outside and pleaded for forgiveness, went down on one knee and proposed. Helen shook her head and drove off.

But Helen was with Locke in the sideways afterlife. Things seemed different. Cooper was in a nursing home, unable to speak or function, but Helen took care of him as well as Locke. She was not demanding but supportive. Helen was the embodiment of a good partner: kind, charming, witty, loyal, trusting, helpful, and nonjudgmental. 

Helen was the best thing in Locke's life, but he failed to realize it.  In all relationships, there are fleeting moments where a couple becomes a couple, connects as a couple, and lasts as a couple. There are few if any second chances at romance with a person spurned during a first encounter. Locke had several chances to make things right but he failed over and over. 

Helen deserved better. Much better. She was like a guardian angel who gave Locke a glimpse of what he life "could have been" if not for Locke's delusional self-torment issues.

Helen also deserved a better ending in the series. We are told she died after breaking up with Locke. She died alone. She did not meet Locke in the sideways church to share or rekindle their affection for eternity. So, despite doing nothing wrong, Helen's soul is apparently trapped in a purgatory of Locke's own creation. That's a sad fate for a character who did nothing wrong to deserve such treatment.

It is almost a reverse life lesson. Locke, whose bad behavior and choices, hurt so many other lives but he was rewarded with eternal life with his island friends. Meanwhile, Helen, who took care of people, was kind and loyal to a fault, gets nothing for being of high moral character.

TROUBLED RELATIONSHIPS

As with the previous post on Jack and Kate's relationship, the other controversial pair ending was Shannon and Sayid.

To the vast majority of viewers, it made no sense.

Throughout the series, Sayid was shown pining for Nadia, a woman from his home land. A woman for whom Sayid tortured, then let escape - - -  turning himself into a cold blood killer (by taking out a superior officer to allow her to escape.) After the war, Sayid spent his entire life trying to find Nadia, considered by all to be "the love of his life." He went so far as to work for the CIA, a dirty deal to double cross a childhood friend in order to get a chance to meet Nadia. So, Sayid was deeply in love with Nadia.

But that is just one side of the story. Sayid's attraction and affection for Nadia was clear. But what was Nadia's true feelings toward Sayid. As a child, it would seem she had a crush on Sayid. Even in the school yard, Sayid was different: strong and a provider. But when there was political change in Iraq, Sayid would wind up on the other side: with the Guard, while Nadia and her family were in the rebel camp. This basic ideological divide would doom most couples.

But even when Sayid was ordered to torture her to get information about the rebels, Nadia seemed to forgive Sayid. As a result, Sayid's heart overwhelmed his training and rank to allow her freedom. However, some could argue that Nadia was using her past relationship to manipulate Sayid to grant her freedom - - - a ruse, a classic spy move - - - not out of love but necessity.

But the latter evidence seems to contradict this faux spy story. When Sayid was rescued as part of the O6, he was met at the airport by Nadia. They embraced. They began to start their new life together in LA. Now, various theorists don't understand how this even happened . . . why the airline would find a stranger, such as Nadia, to greet Sayid in Hawaii is a mystery. Perhaps the CIA knew her whereabouts under a protective custody program, but not an airline.

One theory has it that the O6 never made it to the awkward press conference in Honolulu. That when the freighter was blown up, the survivors were in bad shape. Penny's boat was actually a trailing shadow craft to pick up survivors for Widmore so as to reprogram the brains in a virtual reality "rescue" so as to have them volunteer to return to the island to fight Jacob/MIB. If Widmore could "fake" an underwater crash site including passenger bodies, then he could easily brain wash island survivors.

When Nadia was killed by a motor vehicle in a cross walk when Sayid was pulled by Jacob, Sayid was totally lost. He had lost his one, true love. He was a broken man. He could never love another woman. He turned into a zombie - - - easily manipulated to become Ben's assassin under the guise of getting revenge of those who killed Nadia. (This also shows a direct link between Jacob's influence to Ben's missions with Sayid.)

Even back on the island, Sayid never forgot about Nadia. So it was a shock to find Sayid winding up with Shannon in the End.  They only had a week long island affair. It was spurred by a matter of convenience and loneliness. Shannon's brother, her one protector, had died. Sayid was still seen as an outcast within the group. Shannon was in need of finding someone to take care of her since she was accustomed to the life of luxury. She used her one commodity, her beauty, as currency to find another man to be with her. But when she was killed in the jungle, Sayid was cut down to his core in emotional grief. Some think that Sayid's physical relationship with Shannon could have clouded his long term memories, or that he was actually re-living the terror of losing Nadia all over again.

Sayid was doomed at that point. Any woman he loved would die in his arms. He thought it was his fault. He could never love again because the pain was too great. In order to cut out the pain, he had to cut out his own heart - - - die and be reincarnated as an empty soul.

But when the cast was reunited in purgatory/heaven of the sideways world, the image-character of Nadia was present. But she was married to Sayid's brother, who was in trouble with the mob. Sayid had to "fix" it - - - to make Nadia happy. It was like the one woman he loved he could never have - - - but there was no evidence of that in the "real" world. So in that respect, Nadia's soul must have bonded with Sayid's brother while she waited for him to show up in the next level of existence. That must have paved the way for Sayid to release his feelings toward her, opening up the possibility of finding his second love, Shannon. But that is a weak appraisal of the overall Sayid-Nadia story line.

A week of passion with a different stranger is more important than a life long longing over a love that you finally found after years of searching? Sayid and Nadia were together in LA. They were happy. They went to Hurley and Sun's parties. So why did that love and affection carry over into the next world?

Sayid and Nadia's relationship was troubled from the beginning. He was a soldier, she was a freedom fighter. He was a poor boy, she was from an upper class family. He was repressed by his emotions, she was outgoing in her beliefs. In a world where opposites attract, they would be a perfect pair. But in reality, opposites often cause conflict in their own relationship. Deep, lasting relationships have as a foundation core similar values, goals, beliefs and mutual dreams. Perhaps Sayid's feelings toward Nadia were a dreamer's lust for something that could have been instead of actual love.

And in that regard, Shannon was the only person Sayid knew who loved him for what he truly was - - - she knew his background, she knew about all the bad things he had done, but she still took him in and loved him. Even that short term bond between two troubled souls could have a lasting impact.

WORST COUPLE

PROBABLY the worst LOST couple was Sayid and Shannon. In just about every level, it made no sense.

Shannon was the stereotypical rich, white, affluent, trust fund bitch who had no drive, no vision and no goals except to make herself happy. Once her father died, she was cut off from the easy allowance, but had no skill sets to change. She went from one abusive boyfriend to another. It was only Boone who kept bailing her out. And despite that, Shannon was cold and unappreciative because that was her true character. Her self worth was tied to her material worth. She would have been brought up in a class system which looked down upon the common man who lacked the sophistication that only wealth and culture can bring.

Sayid was an troubled Iraqi soldier. He came from a large family, but it seemed he had to do his siblings' dirty work. He hated himself for becoming a torturer; but he could never change his tortured soul. He would have resented the manipulations of the American soldiers who captured him. He had nothing in common with a spoiled rich girl. Besides, for the entire series we were told that Sayid pined for his one and only true love, Nadia. Nadia, the woman he finally found after he thought he lost her forever when Flight 815 crashed, was killed in LA by Jacob stopping Sayid from crossing the street with her. Nadia's tragic death caused Sayid to revert in a cold blooded killer.

So when it came time for the "happy ending" to the series, one short island hook up trumps an entire life of long lost love?

It is totally unbelievable. Sayid should have wound up with Nadia.

Shannon should have wound up alone because she really did not have any strong connections to anyone. In the church, both Boone and Locke had no one to share the next stage of existence. Boone and Locke sat alone in the church, waiting while Shannon cuddled with Sayid.  It would have been better if Shannon and Boone sat together, and Sayid, the tortured soul who could never find happiness, sat alone in the back.  That would have made more sense.

To Shannon's personality, she would have been more apt to find a "sugar daddy" than a boyfriend - - - but lottery winner Hurley had Libby (but again, apparently you can take your wealth with you to the afterlife) or even an easily manipulated doctor in Jack.

The Sayid and Shannon thing was a major head scratcher. If Nadia was Sayid's true love, and if Sayid did actually get together with her in the O6 arc, then Sayid would have met her in heaven. Then this leads to the conclusion that many dislike: that Sayid never got together with Nadia, that she was figment of his imagination or dream. It disrupts the storytelling if major portions of the story cannot be proven to be real or an illusion. If it was an illusion, then Sayid's only physical love of his life was Shannon - - - then that is why they were together?

THE ELIZABETH

One of the mysteries that is in the background but potentially explosive was the appearance of Libby at critical times in the series.

She was seen as a mental patient in Hurley's day room, but Hurley had no memory of her when the tail section survivors made it to the beach camp.

She was also instrumental in getting Desmond on his epic sailboat journey. The Desmond coffee shop meeting was one of the more forced coincidences in the series. While Libby was in a coffeehouse in California,  she offered to pay Desmond's bill for a caffeinated drink, as he only had British currency. Desmond jokingly asked her for $42,000 to pay for a boat.  Libby asked why he needed a boat; Desmond replied that he was going to participate in a race around the world, thereby proving to Penny's father, Widmore, that he was not a coward. Libby proceeded to tell him that her husband, David, had passed away a month prior, was an avid boating fan.  David had purchased a yacht, which he named the Elizabeth after Libby herself, intending to sail in the Mediterranean. Libby encouraged Desmond to take it, saying that it was what David would have wanted. Desmond promised her that he would win the race in the name of love.

This apparently was the same time and place where Desmond met Jack running up the stadium stairs. So Libby was at the epicenter of two critical meetings.

Now, some may say that Libby's role in these chance meetings with other characters prior to the island as suspicious. Was she working for someone, like Jacob or Widmore? Was she a conduit to get people to do things, such as Hurley believing in imaginary friends like "Dave," or getting Desmond out into the Pacific to perish on the island? Or was she a guardian angel type, leading an individual to their destiny?

What if Hurley's Dave, his best friend, was the person killed when Hurley went out on the party porch that collapsed because his alleged weight? It was that traumatic event that put Hurley into a mental institution. He blamed himself for causing death and pain. And his weight gain was to remove the pain and guilt of his father leaving him as a young boy.

So if Dave was killed in the overloaded porch collapse, it could be that Dave's ghost was still around Hurley. Hurley could communicate with dead people, so that is consistent with the future story lines. Dave was probably ghosting Hurley so he could a) get Hurley to realize that it was not his fault; or b) to get revenge for dying; or c) pushing Hurley to take care of his loved one.

If Hurley was devastated by losing his best friend in an accident, likewise Libby could have been traumatized by the death of her husband, David. If Libby's David was the same person as Hurley's Dave - - -  what a connection! Dave's haunting Hurley at the mental hospital, getting him to try to break out and leave, could have been a means of keeping Hurley away from institutionalized Libby. But that does not explain how Libby was manipulating the other characters to the island, and once on the island, keeping Hurley from following Dave off a cliff (and certain death). Maybe Dave was haunting Libby at the same time - - - unable to let go of her, to the point where she went insane. And the only way to get over him was to move on with Hurley.

But Dave does not seem the type to be rich to have a sailboat in pricey Newport Beach. So maybe there was another David for whom Libby shared her life. There is one other known David in the series, and that was Jack's son from the sideways world . . . a boy he allegedly fathered with sideways Juliet. It would be weird and bizarre if Libby's David was Jack's after life son - - - but since time does not make logical sense in the series, anything is possible. So Libby giving a boat to Desmond to push him on his quest to sail the Pacific got Desmond to the stadium to give Jack the advice that would push him to leadership on the island and fulfill his destiny by becoming a caring father in an alternative universe.

Or, it all could be an elaborate mental fiction crazy Libby created in order to end her lonely existence by finding a sweet, gentle, introverted rich man like Hurley. But another odd point is that Hurley's live for Libby was really solidified when Libby was killed by Michael. So Hurley and Libby could only find their happiness if they were dead. (Some would say that is a sad commentary on how the main characters were actually treated by the writers.)

 The Elizabeth was a vessel that carried Desmond to the island; it represented hope of escape; and it was used to ferry characters on missions around the island. But it never like the snow globe pull of the island itself. It could be symbolic of the show itself: it was an object that had great promise and purpose, but it was shipwrecked and lost at sea. It was rebuilt and served its sailors once again. But it never left the island, just like the main characters.

RELATIONSHIPS

It was explained by TPTB that LOST should be viewed more as a character study than anything else. The focus was on the characters and not on the mysteries.

And that is still a sticking point with some fans. As one blog commentator said long after the show concluded:

If the entire series turned out to be just about the characters and the relationships they/we build in life and how important they are, following us even into the afterlife, then what about all the relationships that Sawyer, Kate, Miles, or any of the survivors made AFTER they got off of the island? Reason I even bring this up is because of what Christian said to Jack in the church and what everyone else mentioned as well, “Some died before you, some died long after you”. So....we are to assume then that when Sawyer or Kate or any of the survivors died, whether it was right after Jack or 30 years after him, that NONE of the relationships that they built were important? What if Sawyer went on to get married and have kids. When he dies the ONLY person in his life that ever meant anything was Juliette?!! Also, a huge lesson we were all supposed to learn was to “let go” of the past. Well how the hell is having them all meet up in the church together letting go of that past?! Even in death they (whomever made it off the island and died sometime later) were still holding on to the experiences from the island, the past!!! 


The season finale is what it is and I can’t change that but I don’t understand any of the fans supporting or being okay with it. Makes me think that most people have no idea what’s going on in life and just skate through it blindly. 

Taking the writers words at face value was a critical viewing experience. Fans were led to believe that the show was a well crafted literary masterpiece of characters, action, drama and mysteries.

There is a valid point to what Christian told Jack about everyone in the church waiting for him died before and after him. If this is a true statement, and that the island time was most important to the characters that they had to reunite in the afterlife in order to move on to eternity, then

a) the characters like Sawyer, Kate and Claire left brutally lonely and unfilled lives after Jack died. Which is hard to believe considering Sawyer had a daughter he cared about. Claire had a son. And Kate had her freedom from the law. None of these characters would not have had any new relationships at all?

b) when did the characters who died long before Jack "actually" die? This may be one of those misdirected throwaway lines the writers used to get out of explaining what is happening in the story (equivalent of a fumble in football), but it seems to erase any "good" times that a character had before the island. For example, Locke had a great relationship with Helen. Why was that erased by the island time so that Locke is in the church alone? Boone had no one as well? How sad is that? Boone could not have been reunited with his mother or father? 

Since time was handled as a nebulous concept in LOST, when people died may be irrelevant to the analysis of Christian's final speech. 

For example, if this is a character study, it is just as likely it is a character study of lost dead souls than of human survivors of a plane crash. If the characters were already dead before getting on the plane (symbolic of taking the ferry across the River Styx), then maybe this was like a test of lost souls who really did not have any strong personal bonds to carry them through to the afterlife.

But since the writers failed to clarify what the sideways world represented in relation to the island world, viewer's personal answers to the gaping holes in the story line are just not as fulfilling as knowing what the show's creator's really wanted to express with the climax and ending. Taking from what the blogger said above, it was the writers who had no idea what was going on in their characters lives and just skated through blindly to the Season 6 ending. 

People cannot really disagree on the ending because the ending is obtuse. 

If TPTB came out and said this is what the ending means, then people can then accept it on face value or disagree with it. But leaving it open to speculation is a Soprano cop-out to conclude the show. Just calling it a show about relationships is another weak point. Every show is supposed to be about character relationships. Otherwise, the show would be about watching paint dry on a wall. 

And even if the crux of the show was about relationships, and finding lost soul mates, then no one can really defend why Sayid, who pined for Nadia for 6 seasons, would wind up with Shannon in the afterlife. If the island was the test for Sayid to give up his past (Nadia), and the way he passed the test was to get in the sack with Shannon, what sort of metaphysical-intellectual system are we dealing with here? 

And then the opposite was also in the church at the same time. Rose and Bernard did not purge their past in order to make it to the church. Quite the opposite, Rose and Bernard's strong bonds from the past kept them together through the island ordeals. So, on one level, they did not "let go" of their past in order to move on in their afterlives.

When you don't know what to say, you say things that are vague gibberish hoping that the listener will take those words and create their own interpretation and understanding. Politicians do this technique all the time in order to bolster support without saying much of anything. But LOST was not a political stump speech. It was supposed to be one of the greatest action-adventure-dramas in television history. 

Perhaps the lasting relationship of the series was that between the fans and TPTB. In some ways it is still a strong connection. In some ways it is still a simmering disappointment. In some ways it is like a parent who loves their child but knows he can do better. 

CLUELESS

In the last post, we reviewed probably the four biggest "clues" shown in the series: The Hatch, The Blast Door Map, The Egyptians and The Lighthouse.

All were physical objects that contained highly detailed information we fans thought were vital clues.

The Hatch gave some of the castaways some hope for rescue. It gave a few, like Locke, purpose. It gave the beach camp some needed supplies. But what it did not give everyone was shelter. That was the odd aspect of the story line: the beach camp was surrounded by danger - - - the Others kidnaps and the smoke monster attacks - - - why didn't Jack move everyone underground? Instead, he kept it a secret. And once the rumors spread in the beach about the hatch being opened, why did not the camp people demand access? Instead, they decided to stay on the beach instead of going to safer areas (including the caves). For some reason, the castaways were more comfortable on the beach. Was it because that is where they landed; survived? Was it because they did not want to miss sighting a rescue ship? Was it because to them it was their new "home?"

The Blast Door Map outlined the entire unseen Dharma story arc. Research facilities, the smoke monster, an accident, experiments and unknown island mysteries were all scrawled on the door. The island once housed a large and complex military-industrial complex doing highly theoretical and advanced research projects. And this type of detail spawned viewers into theorizing about worm holes, star portals, parallel universes, space ships, psychological experimentation, mind control, mind manipulation, torture chambers and death. But the vast library of possible science fiction story lines or answers never came to the forefront. The main characters themselves never were too interested in these stations for what they were supposed to do . . . they were merely back drops. One of the worst misuses of these sets was the chemical weapons station, where the computer was set to countdown mode to release the toxic gas . . .  but we all saw clearly at the entrance the power switch to shut down the facility. The "danger" was merely an illusion to test the resolve of Jack and make him trust the Others' spies. But then again, the Others wiped out the Dharma folks for no real reason other than a territory dispute over control of the island. Why the Others felt they were good and everyone else coming to the island was bad was nothing more than a childish refrain developed over centuries of Jacob's laisse faire leadership.

It is hard to imagine that the Others were the children of the ancient Egyptians, the servants who were brought to the fore-hell of their Pharoah's journey into the underworld. In the ancient rituals, kings and queens were buried with their possessions and servants in order for their souls to have the means to navigate the challenges of the underworld journey. This journey was supposed to be a dangerous but magical adventure that only the worthy could successfully complete. In some respects, this description does fit in what some of the characters were doing on the island. There was a theme that the survivors had to work together or die alone. An individual needs group support in order to achieve positive results. It is how the group works together that was important. If you are on the same page, great things can be accomplished, from building the great pyramids to the island's temple. But the ancient culture myths involve the after life, something that TPTB abhorred discussing from Season 1 to the present. LOST was wrapped up in the cloth of life and death story lines, but the premise of a land of death was not acceptable to most.

The Lighthouse gave us Jacob's plan which was to spy on off-islanders to find "candidates" to replace himself as island guardian. Why an immortal with some god-like powers needs human "candidates" to replace him is one of the large unanswered questions of the series. And what Jacob needed to guard and protect was not fully explained, since the light source (life, death and rebirth) seemed to be a stationary fixture. But since the island was cloaked and hard to find, why was a guardian needed to protect something hidden from mankind? And was it not the fact that Jacob bringing people to the island made the the island open to human attack? It is a contradiction easily solved when Alpert landed on the island. Jacob could have given Alpert the guardianship - - - which he would have accepted since he knew he was dead, and this was his punishment for murder (in hell) to remain on the island forever (and away from his wife's soul). But then, where would Jacob go? Is the after life of an immortal so boring that non-existence is a better alternative than life itself? That seems to be a sad and pathetic explanation to the final big story line.

If the four big clues were mile posts in the LOST journey, where did they take us?

One explanation was that it was not the journey, but the relationships between the characters was the most important thing.

A relationship is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected: the study will assess the relationship between unemployment and political attitudes. It is the state of being connected by blood or marriage; they can trace their relationship to a common ancestor. It is the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.  It is an emotional and sexual association between two people.

Is that what LOST was about? A patchwork quilt of various relationships: good, bad, ill conceived, short, long, tortured, fractured, weak, cold, angry, manipulative to friendly? A graduate student looking at the raw data of such relationship pairs and sorting them into categories would a) be boring and b) not very productive for gleaning insights into the vast story tangents thrown at us in six seasons. All the clues made a clueless stew of information about relationships but no real conclusions about them.

ANOTHER VIEW

In a column in June, 2010 Psychology Today, the writer made an interesting observation on the LOST conclusion.

He remarked that at the end of the day, relationships is what really changes us. We change because our behavior is impacting someone or something in a way that we don't or they don't like. When he watched the last episode of LOST, he believed the show was not being about a problem or puzzle to be solved, but about the people who were stranded on that island and how they lived and learned together.

He understood that many fans felt the producers of Lost could have or should have tied together the entire plot line.  What happened to Walt? What was the meaning of Jacob and his family? In the end, he opined that the only way to end such a confusing story is the same way we manage our confusing lives, "to embrace relationships." That's what he said he did when he watched the show;  he mourned, cheered, puzzled and ultimately came out without real answers, but connected to their experience.

He acknowledged that the ending placed fans into two camps. One group is frustrated. They are angered by what the writers have "done to them;" confused by the end that didn't provide them with the answers they wanted, they complain that they were lead astray. The other group talks about the beauty  of the end, the way the last frame had us watch Jack's eye close the same way it opened. We are left with the circular beauty of life.

The author found himself  in the middle. He felt confused and frustrated by the ending, but still he liked the enjoyment of watching the main characters lives unfold and discussing the complex relationships that were the foundation of the story line. He decided to let go of his questions and just enjoy the final moments of the show.

SAD COMMENTARY ON LIFE

A recent American study concluded  that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed say they are “making do” in their relationship because their true love got away.

It appears people settle for many reasons, including fear of being alone or wanting security and comfort with any other person.  17 percent of respondents said they met their soul mates when it was too late — after they were already paired-off or married.

So many respondents freely admitted that they are "making the best of it" with their current partner. The response is "it's better to be with somebody than nobody."  It seems that settling into a relationship is more important than the relationship itself.

Most of the respondents said that are content with their relationship, but  46 percent say they’d leave their spouse or partner to be with their true love. However, experts warn that the grass make look greener, but there are no guarantees that a past true love will be unrequited in the end.

A clinical psychologists believe the couples are focusing on what they have–not what might have been–might not be the best idea. Once people make an investment in another person, there are ways of making things better so that is why a majority stay.

Loneliness is the driving force that puts people together, for better or worse.

In LOST, it may help explain why so many "wrong" people wound up with each other. People are still head scratching why Sayid wound up with Shannon when he pined for decades over Nadia in both realms. The same is true for even Sawyer, who wound up with Juliet, instead of the woman who fathered his child. And it would seem by process of elimination, Jack settled for Kate, or vice versa since most people believe Kate was more enamored with Sawyer (physically, mentally and personality wise).

The concept that a vast majority of couples never live with their "soul mates" is a sad commentary on modern society. Perhaps, it is generational as the happiest couple in LOST was Rose and Bernard, who found each other late in their lives.