FANTASY ISLAND

LOST's island was nothing near Fantasy Island for romance and healthy, healing relationships.

In fact, the time on the island for romance was crude, rude, manipulative and disastrous.

For example, Ben's dog bone was in perpetual heat throughout the series. He was so creepy that women around him did not need their instinctive creepy meter. When he could not hook up with Juliet, he killed her boyfriend. That must happen a lot to psychopathic losers.

Even when Juliet found a partner, he was killed or in the case of Sawyer, manipulative for survival mode after the time skip. It is hard to tell whether Sawyer was attracted to Juliet in the Other's camp, or merely using her to game the system. But in the end, most people think when Juliet died after the Swan implosion, Sawyer was hurt and emotionally scarred by the loss. He started to blame others for the death. He reverted back to his old, con-man self.

Kate was the master love con artist. She manipulated boys throughout her life, leading one to rob a bank just to get back a toy airplane. She hooked up with Sawyer not out of love but as a means of trying to get the weapon to neutralize his advantage in the castaway camp. It seemed that Kate was destined to be lost in love. Her relationship with Jack was doomed from the start. She spent her entire life running away from responsibility and accountability while Jack had the opposite drive as being the miracle surgeon.

One of the most tortured love lines was with Sayid. He claimed, pined and did horrible things in order for him to re-connect with the love of his life, Nadia. But despite those personal vows, he had a quick affair with Shannon before she was killed. How Shannon eliminated the years that Sayid lived for Nadia was illogical.

It was also illogical for Hurley to "find" Libby on the island. She was clearly in the mental institution day room prior to the plane crash. Was Libby there to stalk an innocent, fragile nerd like Hurley - - - for his wealth? The time line is unclear, but it seems Libby was there prior to learning of Hurley's lottery winnings, but after her husband died. It was clear Libby was recruited to come to the island to manipulate the castaways in taking a side during the island control battle. But it still seems that Hurley had more of a connection with the store clerk he lost to his best friend than with island Libby. When Libby died, Hurley mourned but he seemed not have grown by the experience to want to live a normal life.

Locke never had a normal life because he self-sabotaged it. He has a caring, loving relationship with Helen, but Locke ruined it by his deep bitterness toward his parents. When Cooper stole his kidney, Locke's fragile psyche led Helen to demand he cut off contact. But he did not, causing Cooper to push Locke out a window which lead to his paralysis. Even after that one devastating incident, Helen could still care for him - - - but Locke ruined it by going back to his father to try to find answers.

Charlie got the answer he did not expect from Claire when she rejected him (during the time Locke was being helpful toward her new born, Aaron.) Charlie was always in search for a deep family connection, but he was left drifting after his brother got married. He had a one sided crush on Claire, which was crushed by rejection. This led to Charlie believing his life had meaning so he "sacrificed" himself in the dumbest way at the underwater station.

The one pre-existing couple, Sun and Jin, actually broke up during their island stay. There marriage was doomed from the start. She was the neglected daughter of a rich industrialist. He was a dirt poor son of a fisherman. He dreamed of being a wealthy man. Her dream was to be accepted as an equal by her father. When she could not attain that, she tried to sabotage her father's reputation by marrying a common loser. But when Jin suddenly turned into a lackey for money, Sun was once again neglected - - - this time by her husband. Their story line ended in a muddled accident-suicide in the flooded submarine (Jin made the decision to give up his life and die with Sun instead of trying to live to raise their child.)

Did anyone find love and happiness from their island experience? The answer was clearly no.

PASSION AND TRUE CALLING

“Determine early on whether your passion is your true calling, or just a fantasy to get out of your system.”  - - - -Tami Zhu

ATTRACTION

One of the themes and problems in LOST was how it treated relationships. Many viewers were confused by the choices the writers gave to the final couples in the sideways church. Some people were meant to be with each other, others were not.

A huge amount of social and scientific resources have been spent on trying to figure out the complexities of social relationships. Why people connect. Why people are attracted to each other. Why people fall in and out of love.

It does seem our modern experience does center around attraction. But attraction is a nebulous concept. It is hard to define. It is part emotional bond and instinctive reaction. It may be more superficial than deeply lasting affection.

One way to define ATTRACTION  is:

A: Acceptance

T: Time

T: Trust

R: Respect

A: Admiration

C: Counsel

T: Touch

I: Intelligence

O: Overtness

N: Nurturing

No one can really argue that these ten relationship traits are the foundation for strong bonds between couples. If one adds the modifier "mutual" to each one of these traits, then there is no question there is an unbreakable bond of love.

Sometimes it is easier to accept someone else than to accept yourself. Every individual wants to be accepted for who they are - - - because trying to "fake" it through life is too time consuming and emotionally draining. Everyone has faults, flaws and quirks. Accepting the whole person instead one or two minor issues is the first step on the path to happiness.

Time is an extremely limited and precious commodity that most people take for granted in their lives until it is too late. Spending time with some one you care about is more valuable than working to exhaustion for a couple extra bucks. Time together, even in the dark silence of movie theater, is an expression of commitment.

People are born with instincts to fear the unknown, and to distrust "new" things that could hurt them. Trust must be earned. Trust must be respected. Trust is that the person you care about will be there for you; stand by your side; have your back; fight for you and trust you to make the right decisions.

Respect is also earned. It is important to respect  the person your partner is, what they believe in, being non-judgmental and being kind are all moons orbiting the space of Trust. Do not regrade the other; treat people like you want to be treated.

Admiration is the pleasurable assurance that your partner is doing well. Any supportive gesture goes a long way in smoothing out the highs and lows in any relationship. The effort put into a relationship is just as important as the end result.

Counsel is related to the openness and honesty in a good relationship. You should not have to hesitate in asking the other person questions. You should be able to ask or tell the other person anything that is on your mind without fear of anger or reprisal. You should look to your partner as a best friend and confidant, who can help you make decisions which are in your best interests.

Touch is important because science has shown that in human behavior, non-verbal cues are more important than words. A kiss, a stroke of hair, holding hands speak volumes about the state of the bonds in a relationship. The transformation to the  physical aspect of love make two individuals into one being has been discussed for thousands of years. Compatibility, fun and pleasure are the benefits of a full and healthy relationship.

Overtness is openness and honesty in a relationship. Hiding secrets or feelings are destructive hidden landmines that couples can set which can suddenly destroy what is good between them.

Nurturing is the care for and encouragement  the growth or development of another person, physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally and personally. It is the unconditional support of another person who is trying to find their way, expand their horizons, seeking their dreams or yearning to accomplish goals. This is the glue that will cement any solid relationship.

LOVE AS MENTAL ILLNESS

Love has been called "maddening" before, but now a researcher thinks there is a chemical basis for why people fall in love.

Dr. Helen Fisher is an anthropologist. She has been studying the chemical basis that is underlying or causing love between individuals. 

She has discovered that love is not about matters of the heart, but actually about brain chemistry; a chemistry that's so intense, so strong, so focused on bringing people together for the sake of prolonging the species, that it's actually a madness to be in love.

Love is, for the sake of argument, a form of mental illness and probably the only one that society accepts without a stigma attached to it. 

You are judged for being mad, as in the insane form of madness, but you are not judged for being "madly" in love even when close friends question your sanity.

According to Fisher, romantic love has been found in 170 societies.  Each love and how these societies express it are different in their own way, but it's still a love of a romantic nature, and one that starts with infatuation and ends with attachment.

Throughout the entire process there are neurological chemicals hard at work. In the beginning, the serotonin levels act in such a way that resembles OCD  and when it comes to the actual "falling in love" stage of a relationship, it is similar to being high on cocaine.

Brain scans of people in love have found that it is the dopamine branching out from the center of the brain, creating feelings of euphoria, walking on air, floating on cloud nine, and all the rest of it. 

It is also not really a choice; we are at the mercy of the chemicals in our brain.

You can fight it, of course, as one might with any mental illness, but unlike things like depression or anxiety, you can't take a pill to "cure" it, or even make it an easier situation in which to be.

Maybe that is why many people act irrationally, with anger, when a love relationship breaks down.

Why do people sign up for the insanity that love is? 

Because the depression, anxieties and low self esteem from loneliness seems to be a greater burden on people's minds that the possible uplifting, happy feelings associated with the risk and rewards of being in love with another person.

If love is all about chemicals, how can one realize it and resist the effect?

Because it is a species trick to keep the species on track for procreation. Just like some wild animals go into involuntary heat or rut for the attention of mates, human beings are coded in a similar fashion.  However, our brains are more complex and advanced to the point where we can go beyond instinct or natural selection to "convince" ourselves that our love is something more - - - deeper than emotional connection; finding a soulmate. The latter may be just an layer of cultural impressions over the instinctive chemical reaction of human attraction and love.

SEX

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." - - - Steve Martin.

Sex was an element in LOST but it was not truly associated with love.

Kate and Sawyer's affairs were more animal lust than true, deep passion. It was the spark of danger between people running away from their problems.

Kate and Jack's romance was more a convenience (in order to keep Aaron in LA) than a deep bond of attraction, friendship, trust and mutual respect. They may have loved each other but they were not in love with each other. 

Kate used sex as a manipulation of men to do what she needed to do to maintain her freedom.

Sawyer used sex as a means of conveying trust to one of his con artist victims.

Jack appeared to have a cold distance to sex and romance, perhaps because of the chill between his parents while he grew up. He was passionate with Sarah, his first wife, not because of her but because he promised her a miracle. She was more a trophy of his success than a real life partner. Sarah quickly understood this through Jack's jealousy of his father so she divorced Jack.

Sun quickly felt that sex with Jin was more a marital obligation than true love. Her feeling for her husband quickly changed when Jin began to change into the mirror image of her business oriented father. 

Claire and Shannon used sex as a means of finding comfort and support from men. They chose interloper boyfriends than real permanent bonds. Both paid the price for looking for an easy path to acceptance. 

Then there were a large group of sexless loners including Hurley, Daniel and Charlie. They were looking for a special woman, but could not overcome their own insecurities until they reached the island. But events took their potential lovers away from them until the reunion in the after life.

Many fans believed the only true love story in the series was the relationship between Desmond and Penny. The star-crossed lovers went back and forth; questioning their own feelings and self-worth; longing for each other when Widmore put himself between them. Then, the long search to be reunited after Desmond was lost at seas. When they were reunited, they pledged themselves to each other. Their sexual union brought forth a true family, which Desmond vowed to protect from Widmore. And it was Desmond's love for Penny that broke the barriers in the sideways world so every major character could remember their closest island bonds. It was that break that caused humanity to prevail in the sideways world.

FOR THE LOVE OF CRIME

It's a different kind of fatal attraction.

Hybristophilia is a term used by criminologists -- but not scientists -- to describe a sexual attraction to violent killers in prison, who often receive racy love letters or sexy undergarments from their fans.

Also known as the "Bonnie and Clyde syndrome," it has existed throughout time and across borders.

Norway's most famous mass murderer gets hundreds of fan letters from lovelorn women, including marriage proposals. Charles Manson had his cult following, even in prison.

Why some women are attracted to "the bad boy" persona baffles normal men.

Perhaps, due to societal pressures and expectations, women have to repress their desires for freedom and adventure. They seek to find fulfillment with "exciting" men who appear to be the rebellious answer to their conservative peer pressures. It also may a motherly adaptation of the theme of trying to change a bad man into a good one.

So who were the "bad boys" of LOST?

Sawyer, the charming con man, clearly used his image and talents to find women falling over him. Even after the con, some women still adored him. The women who fell for him were usually those lonely housewives that lacked a spark of excitement in their marriages, or had self-worth issues that could be solved with a "big financial score." However, Kate was clearly drawn to Sawyer because they shared a same reckless, self-first survival mode.

Ben was a sociopath, a mass murderer. In the show, he had no girlfriend. He tried to impose his will on the women in the compound, but his tyranny did not evoke any connection with women in the camp. However, in fan groups, there were several women who adored Ben's character, which may be closer to the Bonnie and Clyde syndrone mentioned above. Women could be attracted to such a bad character because Ben was not a real person in their lives, much as a prisoner in a life sentence without parole could never be part of the real lives. It is that real barrier that allows the fantasy connection to be expressed by these women.

Jacob may have also been a sociopath. He brought people to the island as candidates, only to have almost all of the candidates perish. He played games with human lives. But he was also a loner. We never saw any connection to anyone, except his Crazy Mother (also a sociopath) and his estranged brother. In an odd way, perhaps Jacob's game of bringing people to the island was a means of combating his loneliness, or a weak attempt to attract someone he could truly love. The mystery of Jacob did spawn a group of followers, including women in the Others camp. But it seems that Jacob never acted upon his cult followers in any way to allow them to meet or interact with him in a human way. Even in Greek stories, the gods would at times come to Earth to mingle, tease, and procreate with interior humans, usually to invoke the wrath of higher gods.

RELATIONSHIPS

There is a fine line between the strong bonds of friendship to the depth of romantic relationships.

Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection; a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. It also means a great interest and pleasure in something like "his love for football" or  "we share a love of music."

Because the two definitions overlap, it may cause problems between two individuals on what each perceives as their status together.


The word "love" comes from Old English "lufu," of Germanic origin; from an Indo-European root shared by Sanskrit "lubhyati" meaning desires and Latin "libet" for  ‘it is pleasing,’ libido ‘desire.’ 

We attempt all the time to please our friends. It is a means to maintain and strengthen one's friendship. We do so by sharing time together, events, memories and ideas. A good friend wants to reach out to support another friend in a time of need. 

When things get criss-crossed is when one so loves being around a friend of the opposite sex that deeper feelings begin to well up inside.  It may stun or frighten the other friend to find out that affection for each other has turned into attraction.

Affection is an emotional state of a gentle feeling of fondness or liking that can have physical expressions of these feelings such as greetings or hugs. It's roots come from Middle English and Old French from Latin "affectio" from "afficere" to mean to influence.

Closely related (and hence confusing) is attraction.  Attraction is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something. It is a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire. It also comes from Middle English from Latin "attractio," from the verb "attrahere" (to attract).

Attraction is the action to cause (someone) to have a sexual or romantic interest in someone; "it was her beauty that attracted him."

The tightrope is very narrow. Friends have affection (love) to be around each other because of mutual interests, experiences and support. That is the internal emotion state. Attraction is the action of taking affection to another level (to "be in love" with another person). 

It is because these two emotional states are so close together but represent two vastly different concepts that gets people into trouble. You can only try to make someone fall in love with you. Some people try too hard. Some people don't try hard enough. Some people get caught up in a moment. Some people make mistakes confusing affection with attraction, to the point of destroying a good friendship.

Many people may find attraction the first and only means of finding true love. It may be shallow, but in a subconscious, guarded way it makes sense because we one wants to test the waters you first go to the shallow end and not dive into the more dangerous the deep end. But there is no rule against doing it the other way - - - since most couples want their lover to be their best friend.

There is little to no logic in this situation. This is an emotional gambit that can end three ways: working out, breaking up or maintaining the status quo of friendship. The sad fact is that many great friendships have been lost by the mere fact that affection turns to non-mutual attraction.

ANIMAL INSTINCTS

The Bear Cage passion play was the most illicit carnal scene in LOST.

After Kate was kidnapped by the Others, she was told to wash up, put on a summer dress, and meet Ben on the beach for wine and a light meal. It was at this meeting that Ben looked to charm, seduce and use Kate.

We think that Ben's first purpose was to find a new ally in Kate. He knew her background. In some ways, they were compatible: they both had father issues, broken homes, issues with authority, the need to control, highly manipulative and willing to play dirty. Many believe that this beach meeting was an awkward attempt by nerdy Ben to make a pass at Kate. In order for Ben to rule his kingdom, he needed a queen. His last attempt, his try with Juliet, ended in failure. A failure so bitter that Ben sent Juliet's lover, Goodwin, on a dangerous spy mission which would eventually lead to his death. Ben showed Juliet Goodwin's grave and cursed "you are mine." However, the only thing that came from that was an uneasy truce.

With Kate, he could literally find a new partner-in-crime. Ben possessed the one thing that Kate wanted: freedom and the lack of accountability for her actions. Ben could manipulate events in such a fashion where those dreams could come true (and perhaps he did during the O6 arc where Kate basically got no punishment for any of her crimes).

We don't know the full extent of the beach meeting, the proposed deals or what the final response was between the two parties. It seemed that Ben was rejected, and Kate thrown in an uncomfortable choice. She had feelings for Jack (who knew and kept her secrets) but was attracted to the bad boy, Sawyer. When Ben found out about her magnetic connection with Sawyer, he pounced - - - basically pitting Jack and Sawyer in a deadly love triangle.

Ben needed Jack's surgical skills to operate on his tumor. He knew that Jack would not cooperate with him. He tried to lure Jack into cooperation by having Juliet get a professional friendship started between them, then push it towards a pseudo relationship. Ben knew from the beginning that Juliet would play along with the game while at the same time try to double cross Ben. Ben wanted Juliet and Jack to bond so he can control them as a couple. If Jack fell for Juliet, Ben had the leverage to make Jack do his bidding.

Ben made Kate make a choice of who would live and die between her potential lovers. Would she choose Jack, who represented her future, or Sawyer, who represented her past?

Looks and actions can be deceiving; when Kate returned to the Bear Cages after rebuffing Ben's advances, she looked at the forlorn Sawyer in a new light. She must have realized that Ben knew Jack was more valuable to the Others than an independent troublemaker in Sawyer. Perhaps her true feelings swelled up inside her. Maybe it was a small spark of human kindness. But Kate did something she would not have done in the past without some reward - - - climbed into Sawyer's cage and made love to him.

It was a passionate, wanton display of lust that was captured by the security monitors for Jack to see.

This also fit into Ben's grand scheme - - - for if Jack had any romantic feelings for Kate, they were shattered by her shagging his obstructionist rival.

But was Kate's fling with Sawyer true love or pity sex for a condemned soul?

Afterward, Kate and Sawyer were put on a work gang building the runway. Jack began to get closer with Juliet in a way to plot against Ben. So in one respect, Ben's plan was coming together. He had separated the castaways into two groups so they would not work together. He put Juliet and Jack into one joint venture against him; something that he knew about and could out flank.

But Kate's relationship with Sawyer never went any deeper to full, complete romantic love.

In the cages on Hydra Island, Pickett asked Kate if she loves Sawyer and she responds that she does.  After the camp split, Kate went back to the Barracks for a little while, and she and Sawyer spent the night together. As Jack, Sayid, Hurley, Sawyer, and Kate leave the island on the chopper, Sawyer whispered something in Kate's ear, to her confusion. He kisses her and jumps off the chopper and into the ocean.

Prior to the Oceanic 6's return to the island, Sawyer tells Horace that he had a "thing for this girl once", but after three years, can barely remember her face. However, upon seeing Kate, he is awash with nostalgia, but it is short-lived as he reminds a worried Juliet that "nothing's changed", and that he's with her [Juliet]. After a young Ben gets shot by Sayid, Kate and Sawyer attempt to save his life by bringing Ben to the Others.

After Juliet's death, Sawyer leaves the main group, choosing to go at it alone. Kate, worried for his well-being, follows him back to the Barracks. She apologizes for Juliet's death, and starts to blame herself for the death by returning to the island.

Kate and Sawyer appear to be star-crossed lovers by their own choice. When Sawyer winds up back on shore after the helicopter escape, he drinks with Juliet on the beach. When the world goes strange (flash back in time), Sawyer becomes closer to Juliet than he ever did with Kate. So was Sawyer merely using Kate as a companion, or did he ever have true feelings for her. We could assume he did because he sacrificed himself to save her (in the helicopter).

So why did they not complete their romantic bond when both of them left the island in Frank's Ajira plane? Sawyer had lost his Juliet. Kate had lost her Jack. Both had lost their "spouses" after living with them for some time. Kate's relationship with O6 Jack fell a part before they returned to the island. Sawyer's love for Juliet was cruelly taken away from him - - - and he blamed Jack.

We don't believe Sawyer and Kate got together in the post-island mainland since they did not wind up with each other in the Sideways afterlife. So what was the Bear cage sex supposed to represent? Animal instincts? Fear released as passion? A way to make an terrible situation bearable?

One would have thought that the shared island experience, the good and the bad, would have made Sawyer and Kate a close couple in the mainland. They could have lived together happily ever after since their pre-815 personal baggage had been resolved on the island, for good and ill.

When rules of law and order breaks down, humans tend to fall back to their primitive survival modes. They tend to get selfish, self-centered and looking for instant gratification since the rules do not apply anymore. The island was a test ground for the animal tendencies of man when society's rules are suspended and there is little to no responsibility for one's actions. Kate and Sawyer thrived on that aspect of the island. So why could they have not found happiness together post-island?

One explanation would be that Kate never cared for Sawyer. That her "deal" with Ben was to become Sawyer's lover to control him. Kate would be the "double agent" that Ben needed in order to get inside the 815 camp and isolate its power-leaders. Kate stayed with Sawyer for a short time in order to get something she wanted - - - freedom and escape from the island. But Ben would not grant (or could not it seems due to Jacob's candidate power) Kate her freedom while the 815ers posed a threat to his dictatorship. So if you believe Kate was just acting with Sawyer in order to con him into submission, well played Kate. But in the heat of conflict, danger and near death experience - - - we think that Kate really did have true feelings for Sawyer, and his shelter puppy dog looks, to give Kate's heart a jolt of compassion and passion.

For unwritten in her back story is one of abuse. If it was sexual in nature, it could show why Kate's attitude towards sex was more for the manipulation of men than finding romance and stability in her life. She fled Florida when she felt her husband would find out about her past. She fled the island instead of going after Sawyer after he jumped from the helicopter. She got rid of Jack after she got a wrist slap from the court system in the O6 story arc. She never saw men as being a necessary part of her being. She never connected a physical relationship with love, but with power or self-preservation. So Kate's animal instinct for survival difficult situations encompassed much of her relationships with the men in her life. So much so that it clouded her feelings and ability to find and nurture true love.

Kate's passion for Sawyer was real, but it was lost. It may have been the first time that she took charge of her sexual desires and threw herself on a man she thought would be soon dead. She may have thought Sawyer was the one chance for survival and escape. But Kate never saw far enough ahead in a traditional viewpoint of marriage, home and family to have the bond that true soul mates find in their relationships.

Likewise, Sawyer had no basis for truly caring about any woman. His entire pattern was to love them and leave them. He feared stability because that meant he would lose his freedom. It would cramp his style. He could no longer run wild. He would be trapped in his old man's life - - - a dreadful, suicidal life. So Sawyer consciously kept all the women in his life at bay. He would use them, then throw them away. He needed to be constantly in motion, like a shark in the ocean. It was only when he was trapped with Juliet that he found some comfort in a "normal" relationship in a "normal" home life. At that point, Sawyer believed that he would never return to his past. The 1970s Dharma was going to be his life, forever. And Juliet was the best part of it.

How three years with Juliet changed Sawyer to the extent that he was a new man is not out of the question. Animal instincts can be tamed by the right woman and under the right circumstances. In Kate's situation, she also had a three year window of normalcy with Jack and Aaron - - - the suburban housewife, that she would learn to abhor. So it is possible that deep down, in the same comfortable situations of a classic American home life, Sawyer and Kate would not have been compatible.

So the Bear Cage may have been just what it seemed: instinctive animal passion brought upon by the stressful circumstances of captivity, danger and possibility of impending death.

LIFE OR DEATH

What would you choose: life or death?

Probably 99.9 percent of us would choose life.

But what if you were so troubled that you felt that in death you would receive new life?

This is the contradiction that is the daily headlines. Suicide bombers attack innocent people under the belief that they will have a better life in afterlife. Some teens under horrible torment of bullies, self-esteem issues, too high expectations and peer pressure weigh that option.

There is also the question of faith. Individuals believe in either an afterlife or not. People hope that there time on earth has a more infinite meaning.

LOST attempted to explore those themes.

It is hard to tell whether Locke convinced himself that he was better off killing himself than trying to help the island or his friends. Recall, he basically mucked up everything in his life, including his relationship with Helen and Jack, who he considered his rival and probable best friend.

It is hard to tell when Sayid came to the conclusion that he was better off dead when he took the submarine bomb and tried to leave the ship. Recall, he had lost his Nadia, then Shannon, in tragic accidents. He was an outsider and an outcast. He may have gotten along with a few island castaways, but he never fit in.

In the big picture of LOST, the writers did dance around to the side that there is hope in death.

The sideways world has to be considered a lukewarm attempt to show the afterlife as a continuation of the human lives we all live, day to day. The sideways purgatory or weigh station to paradise/heaven mocked the same struggles of real life, but with no lasting consequences except perhaps feelings of personal regret or remorse (as with Ben who decided to "stay" on to work out some of his issues with Rousseau and Alex). But that is the odd part about LOST's vision - - - each individual is his or her own judge and jury on what sort of afterlife they will be rewarded by the unknown gods (such as Jacob, MIB, the island, or some other supernatural power).

Though we were told that the island contained the power of life, death and rebirth, the sideways world showed us that it was each individual who controlled their own destiny.

THE TRUE RELATIONSHIP

Relationships are tricky.  We all have been through the complex, irrational, emotional and rewarding roller coaster of life that is partnering with a special person to share experiences and memories. Relationships are like fires: some burn hot and bright then cool to embers while others are slow and steady rich and smokey affairs of the heart.

There are a few key components that bring men and women together.

Attraction tops the key element list. Physical attraction is the first cue because it is the first thing a person sees in another person. The outward appearance of a potential mate is an evolutionary mental instinct that overrides logic or intelligence. It can be the unspoken bond - - - the initial deep eye contact which some writers call the gateway to another person's soul.

Compatibility is another element. One can be physically attracted to another person, but if the couple does not share mutual interests, have similar morals, have similar goals in life - - - or nothing of substance to talk about - - - their relationship will have a weak foundation. There are some people who get together just for the sexual passion of being with another person with no long term commitment or expectations.

Respect and trust is another element that comes with time. A couple needs to have sufficient time to get to know each other. At a certain point, a person will let down their personal "guard," the space or barrier that keeps outsiders away from that person's inner secrets and desires. Once a person has the respect and trust of another, there is an inherit measure of safety and security that helps cement a true bond of friendship.

Friendship is another key element. Friendship is defined as the the emotions or conduct of friends; a closeness between friends; and  a state of mutual trust and support between people.  There is an odd split when it comes to friendship. Some believe experience teaches us that lovers can become friends while there is a barrier that friends cannot become lovers. Whether that concept was placed in small human villages as a means of stopping fights between males is better left to an anthropologist's thesis. But in our modern world, there is no reason why men and women who have a true bond of friendship could bloom into lovers.

For the happiest couples often say that their mate is "their best friend."  The person who supports them, helps them make decisions, shares life experiences, and is there for the good times and the bad times.

Perhaps that is why many viewers could not see Kate winding up with Jack at the end of LOST. The traditional means of love were backward in their relationship.

The male audience was smitten with Kate when she first appeared on camera. She was the perky, cute, American girl-next-door icon. She was feisty, reckless, witty, and fun. Men were immediately attracted to her. And Kate knew this; she used her charms to her advantage to control men - - - from getting them close to pushing them away.

When she had her quick affair with Sawyer, it was animal lust as they were caged at the Dharma research facility. Both of them never had had a lasting relationship; they used people to their advantage in a cold, con-artist manner. Some believe Kate's actions with Sawyer was only to get Jack to save Ben (the deal she made on the beach) by forsaking any feelings towards her (such as protecting her against the Others). But Kate's relationship continued with Sawyer in the beach camp until she got to close to his secrets (the letter he wrote as a child). As such, Sawyer and Kate split.

Throughout the jungle missions, Kate was always in the background supporting Jack. There were only a few times she sided with some one else, like Locke, but overall Jack could "count" on her. But there was always a hint of trust issues. Jack knew her criminal secret, but he did not care since he believed (rightly so) that the island was a chance for everyone to start fresh with a new beginning.

Relationships are new beginnings. It is an opportunity to discard the past, learn from one's mistakes, and look for the traits that will bring out the best traits in yourself and in your partner.

So when you look at Kate sitting next to Jack in the sideways church, one could think they were never meant for each other but on the other hand their island experience and friendship was so intense and strong that deserved to wind up together.

POST VALENTINE

If the romantics in the viewership had anything to say, LOST had its moments.

But not in the conventional sense.

Yes, there was a deep, true bond between Rose and Bernard, the only happily married couple throughout the series. But they did not show over-emotion or PDA around their beach castaways. In fact, because of their maturity, pulled away from the nonsense of the younger generation's school yard behaviors.

But even throughout the entire time line, there was no Valentine's Day episode.

The closest special event we had was Hurley's planned picnic with Libby. But when Libby went to the hatch to get a blanket, she was murdered by Michael.

Kate and Sawyer's relationship was one of impending doom, carnal lust.  It was a selfish compact, especially in the polar bear cages.

Sayid and Shannon's short lived affair was meaningless in the context of everyone else's relationships. Unless the lesson was opposites do attract, it was still unbelievable.

For most of the hook-ups were matters of convenience, ways to gain an advantage, an edge or some fleeting security on the dangers of island life.

FALLING OUT

How easy is it to fall in and out of love.

Shannon knew she was a beautiful young woman. She used to it to gain the attention of suitors, boyfriends and a lazy, carefree lifestyle. But she continually made bad choices, ran out of money and had boyfriend issues because her relationships were so superficial.

Kate knew she was cute, but never dolled herself up as a beauty queen. She used her charm to get men to do her bidding, and falling in love with her was not on her agenda. She was independent and did not need the admiration of a man to make her happy. Or so she thought, until it was too late. Her relationships were hit and miss, and the men in her life literally got caught in the cross fire and paid a heavy price trying to capture her heart.

Juliet never expressed herself as attractive since she was engrossed with her work. As a student, she fell for her smart scientific husband, but that puppy love did not equate into a meaningful, story book relationship. His work and her work did not allow the couple to work on their own personal feelings for each other. It ended in divorce. And to further to cut the ties, Ben had Juliet's ex hit by a bus in order for her to accept Alpert's invitation to join the island research.

The only woman who truly had a deep, caring and loving relationship with a man was Rose. She found her soul mate late in life. They was a strong and natural bond between them. When Rose got sick, she accepted her fate while Bernard tried in vain to find a miracle. In one regard, the island was the couple's final paradise - - - together, alone, forever.

Juliet and Sawyer's final relationship started as a matter of convenience and security, then bonded when the time travel arc ended with the Swan construction site implosion. Only in death would Juliet be happy with her Sawyer.

Shannon's true love story was much weaker. A week long affair with Sayid was somehow transformed into the epic tale of lost lovers - - -  even though Sayid had pined for 6 seasons for a woman named Nadia.

But just as improbable, Kate's relationship with Jack was also weak. In the O6 story line, they had a major falling out because of Jack's addictive jealousy personality and Kate's inner will to be independent. Kate was trapped in the suburban homemaker lifestyle of her mother which Kate detested. The "divorce" in the O6 arc was clean and absolute, as Jack spun off into his own personal darkness.  They fell out of love harder than a person jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Why Kate and Jack reunited in the after life is one of those music chair moments - - - because there was nobody us to pair up.

TO HIS OWN DRUMBEAT

"If a man does not keep pace with his companion, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer"? - - - Henry David Thoreau

Companionship is the keystone to the foundation of human relationships.

It is often taken for granted by couples.

One's compassion and passion are the mortar that sets companionship to the solid foundation of the relationship.

In all of the LOST relationships, only one truly met the requirement for a lasting love affair: Rose and Bernard.  All the rest of the main characters were missing some real compassion or passion for their partner. For example, Sayid may have felt sympathy for Shannon after losing Boone, and had a passionate spark for her, but Shannon's M.O. was to find a man, anyone, who would support her. Her only asset was her good looks. That was not a solid relationship in any sense of the term.

The same goes for Jack and Kate. Kate used her charm to bounce around from man to man in order to get something from him: protection, money, a hideout, or escape. Jack did not seem to have the passion to hold on to Kate, and Kate was never head over heels in love with Jack during their island time. If she was, she would have never left a bleeding Jack after they defeated MIB/Flocke.

Besides Rose and Bernard, the main characters of the show walked to their own drummers because they were loners, lost in their own fears, self-esteem issues and social awkwardness that stunts human growth.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

Kate is one of those polarizing characters.  And there may be a reason for that.  She could have been born under the sign of Leo even though it is believed she was born in mid May to mid-June (a Cancer).

There is one thing that most of the Leo women never falls short of - male attention. She will most probably be the center of attention everywhere and if you are trying to woo her, be ready to get lots of competition. She will be the leader of her group and the other members will always accept her out of choice. The typical characteristics profile of a Leo woman includes qualities like liveliness, ingenuity, elegance, beauty, and sensuality. She is one of those who love, respect and care for their partners, but don't expect her to worship you.

She wouldn't be dominated; rather she has to be restrained. She is a complete woman and she expects you to be a real man. If you meet a Leo girl who comes across as very gentle, mellowed and completely harmless, don't get fooled. Inside, she is as passionate as any other Leo woman. If you are planning to give her a gift; better make sure that it is classy and as per her superior taste. Please be properly dressed while giving the gift. If you are trying to win the heart of a Leo female, give her genuine, decent and original compliments.

While courting her, never forget that she likes class and style. Don't even think of going to the roadside hamburger stall after watching the movie. She is not after money, but shabby surroundings make her pretty uncomfortable. In return, she will also shower you expensive gifts. The lioness may become a little arrogant and proud at times, but these are some of her basic personality traits. She cannot help thinking of herself above the normal masses and please don't tell her she's not.

You will break her big, warm heart. A Leo woman who is respected, loved and cherished will become one of the most agreeable as well as the kindest person on this earth. She will care for the children and help the needy. The lioness is a combination of intelligence, wit, strength and talent, mixed with generous amounts of feminine charm. This is what makes her irresistible. The best way to make her do anything is flatter her and she will even do the tiniest of chores for you. Never stop her from having a career after marriage.

The Leo profile seems to fit Kate's character.

A Cancer woman's profile is significantly different. Men will be a little confused as to what she really is - chirpy, somber or distant? She is all of these and still, she is none of these. Even more confused? A Cancerian woman has mood swings every now and then and these are only a few of her mood swings. However, her basic personality traits remain the same. She is very sensitive, emotional, kind and caring. Now's the catch! Most of her traits will be hidden behind a shell of indifference and aloofness, breaking which will require quite a lot of effort.

You will have to gently coerce a Cancerian girl to get out of her shell and come into the big bad world without it. The best time to do this is in the moonlight, when there are maximum chances of catching her in her true emotions. When in love, she will be tender, womanly, timid and modest. She dislikes criticisms, can't stand rejection and gets deeply hurt by harsh words. Too much aggressiveness on your part may make her a little hesitant. She loves her mother, so you better learn to love as well as respect her too.

A Cancer woman will never make the first moves in a relationship; she only knows how to move backwards or sideways. This is because of two reasons, her shyness and her fear of being rejected. This female has some secrets and she won't like you prying around her personal diary. She is very insecure and will need your constant reassurance. It doesn't matter if she is the current 'Miss Universe' or has men drooling over her all the time, it is your attention and appreciation she would be the most concerned about.

You will have to learn to live with a Cancerian woman’s mood swings, which is not so difficult since she is so good in every other way. She is extremely loyal and will keep you happy with her warm and rich humor. Once she is committed to you, she will remain yours forever and ever. Adultery is not one of her traits. With a Cancerian woman, you will always have to be careful with words. She is very sentimental and can get hurt very easily. Then, she can cry like a 2-year old baby and you will be expected to console her and wipe her tears.

A Cancer female is a great cook and makes better food than a 5-star hotel chef. She is quite careful with money as well. Neither will she be stingy, nor totally extravagant. She has a habit of saving everything that is usable, be it money, old buttons or empty jars. She also saves things that have a sentimental value attached to them, like the sweater grandmother knitted on her fifth birthday. A Cancer female fiercely guards what is hers and that includes you too! However, she is not too possessive or jealous. But, she does not like sharing her love too.

Kate never showed any traits of being a homebody (cooking, domestic chores). She was shown as being out in the wild, on the hunt, on missions, being in the center of the action (which also means the center of attention in the male dominated hierarchy.) Kate was really the classic spunky, cute American girl-next-door. She was part tomboy, part siren. She knew how to charm and how to hurt.
That is part of the confusion of the ending when she winds up back with Jack. Many viewers don't know why that would have happened since Jack had let her go to be free.

But perhaps male viewers of the series got the vibe and frustration of the Kate character because she has the Leo-type personality. It is difficult to figure out such a personality, especially when you are trying to get close to her.  However, it is said that if a man breaks through he will be greatly rewarded with a true, loyal soul mate.

L & S

“ Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. ” - - - Henry Fielding

In any drama, the ups and downs of a romantic relationship is good fodder for a story. 

Likewise, scandal, something morally or legally wrong, can juice a story line.

In the criss-cross story tangents of LOST, love and scandal rarely intersected in any meaningful way.

You did have traditional cardboard love story cut-outs: Jin and Sun's up and down marriage; Bernard's devotion to his ill wife, Rose.

You even had the addict-stalker-friend-companion evolution of the Charlie and Claire dynamic trying to answer the question: what is family?

You had the fairy tale miracle of Jack saving Sarah's life, then marrying his most successful patient. But that story ended badly in a jealous soaked divorce. The miracle was not the surgery, but why they even married in the first place. A promise to make her walk again was not a matrimony proposal.

 You had the school yard love triangle mess that was Jack-Kate-Sawyer. It is clear that Kate used her charm to be the center of attention in order to control her situation. What is unclear whether Kate could have been loyal to any one man; she was a runner - - - a person who took no responsibility for her actions. She ran away from commitment (and her Florida marriage); and she also ran away from Jack in the O6 story arc. Why Kate wound up with Jack is a matter of convenience over romantic story breakthroughs.

The love triangle itself could have been a scandal, but even that ping-pong tourney of affection was not as sizzling as a wild boar steak. For the island did not have a real moral compass in which to judge anyone's behavior, let alone punish it.

Even though most characters "found" someone to be in the sideways church, one cannot conclude that LOST was a web of interesting or compelling love stories.

ALTERNATIVE LOST: HOOK UPS

One of the themes of the show was love, lost love and strange romance.

As an alternative to what happened in the series, which characters should have gotten together:

SAWYER and SHANNON.

This was originally proposed in the writer's guide. It makes sense. Both characters gave their fellow castaways a negative impression. Sawyer was hoarding valuable materials. Shannon was drawn to rich men who could take care of her. It seems like a logical and compatible match.

JACK and JULIET.

They have many things in common (medicine, hatred for Ben). Juliet was used as bait to lure Jack into Ben's plans, but we get the impression that she did harbor real feelings for him. If we get rid of the time traveling nonsense, Jack and Juliet were "married" once in the sideways world so one could assume that at a subconscious level they would have wanted to be a couple.

BEN and ANA LUCIA.

This would have combined fire and gasoline to create the new power couple to succeed Eloise and Widmore for island control. Ben has the social skills of a repressed child while Ana Lucia was a forward, aggressive and take charge woman.

LOCKE and CLAIRE.

It would have made more sense for Locke, who really knew what it was like to be raised without a caring father, to help Claire with her baby. There was a hint of this possible relationship when Charlie went into a bender as Locke helped Claire by protecting her and building a crib. Locke had more necessary skills to provide for a new island family than Charlie.

SAYID and ROUSSEAU.

There were the outcasts more comfortable alone than in the group. Both are clever and resourceful persons who could create a formidable opponent. There was a glint of their personalities when Rousseau captured Sayid and began to torture him for information. Maybe bondage would have brought them closer together.

TRUE DESTINY

Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. — Thomas Merton

There were several repeated themes to LOST. "Live Together or Die Alone." "Trust Me." "This is your destiny."

If you believe the show was about Jack, then read on.
If you believe the show was supposed to be about Kate, then read on.
Both camps could be right.

If LOST's tangled storyline stew gets boiled down to its essence, what happened to both Jack and Kate in the end? They found each other, again. 

If life's true destiny is to find the love of one's life, we are led to believe that Jack found his in The End. Kate. And if Kate's flight from justice, the other men in her life, were just casual experiences, then one could believe that Kate found her love of her life in Jack.

But she had Jack's affection at least twice, and kicked him to the curb.

And Kate was still married (to our knowledge) to the Florida policeman, Kevin Callis, the only man she made a real commitment (i.e. marriage). She had a childhood crush on her friend Tom. And during the bank robbery days, we were told that her boyfriend was Jason (but she may have just used him to get into the safety deposit vault.)

It would seem that Kate would die alone because of her tendencies to use men for short time periods, then flee the long arm of the law, or the pressures of being confined into a normal life (such as raising Aaron after her trial). If anything, Kate was destined to die alone.

And in The End, dying alone was a truth. Both Boone and Locke sat in the church alone. It is ironic that Locke preached, prayed and sought his true destiny, but he would wind up alone (even though Helen was with him in the sideways world).

Why Kate was rewarded with the company of Jack in the end may have to due more with what Jack wanted - - - subconsciously, he needed to "fix" one last thing: himself. Why he did not try to dream about reuniting with Sarah, his first love was obvious because she had moved on without him with a new husband and family. Or if Jack dreamed a quality life with an intellectual equal, then why did he not wind up with Juliet (who he had married and raised a son in the sideways world)? Because Juliet was connected with Sawyer. But Sawyer was also connected to both Cassiday (the mother of his child) and Kate. Kate may have been Jack's default because in some ways they were so alike in beating themselves down.

But that defies common sense. But most people would counter to say that love is not rational in the first place. Stranger couples are found in real life. Why not in fiction.  Maybe it was a matter of convenience to the writers.

SAD COMMENTARY ON LIFE

A recent American study concluded  that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed say they are “making do” in their relationship because their true love got away.

It appears people settle for many reasons, including fear of being alone or wanting security and comfort with any other person.  17 percent of respondents said they met their soul mates when it was too late — after they were already paired-off or married.

So many respondents freely admitted that they are "making the best of it" with their current partner. The response is "it's better to be with somebody than nobody."  It seems that settling into a relationship is more important than the relationship itself.

Most of the respondents said that are content with their relationship, but  46 percent say they’d leave their spouse or partner to be with their true love. However, experts warn that the grass make look greener, but there are no guarantees that a past true love will be unrequited in the end.

A clinical psychologists believe the couples are focusing on what they have–not what might have been–might not be the best idea. Once people make an investment in another person, there are ways of making things better so that is why a majority stay.

Loneliness is the driving force that puts people together, for better or worse.

In LOST, it may help explain why so many "wrong" people wound up with each other. People are still head scratching why Sayid wound up with Shannon when he pined for decades over Nadia in both realms. The same is true for even Sawyer, who wound up with Juliet, instead of the woman who fathered his child. And it would seem by process of elimination, Jack settled for Kate, or vice versa since most people believe Kate was more enamored with Sawyer (physically, mentally and personality wise).

The concept that a vast majority of couples never live with their "soul mates" is a sad commentary on modern society. Perhaps, it is generational as the happiest couple in LOST was Rose and Bernard, who found each other late in their lives.