ATTRACTION

One of the themes and problems in LOST was how it treated relationships. Many viewers were confused by the choices the writers gave to the final couples in the sideways church. Some people were meant to be with each other, others were not.

A huge amount of social and scientific resources have been spent on trying to figure out the complexities of social relationships. Why people connect. Why people are attracted to each other. Why people fall in and out of love.

It does seem our modern experience does center around attraction. But attraction is a nebulous concept. It is hard to define. It is part emotional bond and instinctive reaction. It may be more superficial than deeply lasting affection.

One way to define ATTRACTION  is:

A: Acceptance

T: Time

T: Trust

R: Respect

A: Admiration

C: Counsel

T: Touch

I: Intelligence

O: Overtness

N: Nurturing

No one can really argue that these ten relationship traits are the foundation for strong bonds between couples. If one adds the modifier "mutual" to each one of these traits, then there is no question there is an unbreakable bond of love.

Sometimes it is easier to accept someone else than to accept yourself. Every individual wants to be accepted for who they are - - - because trying to "fake" it through life is too time consuming and emotionally draining. Everyone has faults, flaws and quirks. Accepting the whole person instead one or two minor issues is the first step on the path to happiness.

Time is an extremely limited and precious commodity that most people take for granted in their lives until it is too late. Spending time with some one you care about is more valuable than working to exhaustion for a couple extra bucks. Time together, even in the dark silence of movie theater, is an expression of commitment.

People are born with instincts to fear the unknown, and to distrust "new" things that could hurt them. Trust must be earned. Trust must be respected. Trust is that the person you care about will be there for you; stand by your side; have your back; fight for you and trust you to make the right decisions.

Respect is also earned. It is important to respect  the person your partner is, what they believe in, being non-judgmental and being kind are all moons orbiting the space of Trust. Do not regrade the other; treat people like you want to be treated.

Admiration is the pleasurable assurance that your partner is doing well. Any supportive gesture goes a long way in smoothing out the highs and lows in any relationship. The effort put into a relationship is just as important as the end result.

Counsel is related to the openness and honesty in a good relationship. You should not have to hesitate in asking the other person questions. You should be able to ask or tell the other person anything that is on your mind without fear of anger or reprisal. You should look to your partner as a best friend and confidant, who can help you make decisions which are in your best interests.

Touch is important because science has shown that in human behavior, non-verbal cues are more important than words. A kiss, a stroke of hair, holding hands speak volumes about the state of the bonds in a relationship. The transformation to the  physical aspect of love make two individuals into one being has been discussed for thousands of years. Compatibility, fun and pleasure are the benefits of a full and healthy relationship.

Overtness is openness and honesty in a relationship. Hiding secrets or feelings are destructive hidden landmines that couples can set which can suddenly destroy what is good between them.

Nurturing is the care for and encouragement  the growth or development of another person, physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally and personally. It is the unconditional support of another person who is trying to find their way, expand their horizons, seeking their dreams or yearning to accomplish goals. This is the glue that will cement any solid relationship.