Harville Hendrix wrote, "Nature doesn't care that you are comfortable, only that you evolve."
LOST's creators continually stated that the show was more about character development than solving the myriad of mysteries the writers threw at viewers.
In a typical character development, a person is put into an unfamiliar, often dangerous situation. The person then has to reflect on what is happening around him. He must determine based upon internal conflicts (experience, dreams, goals, etc) on how to proceed. It begins a journey of discovery, enlightenment, change and growth. Throughout the journey, he is tested, choices made, doubts created, strengths pushed to the limit to reach a final realization of one's self.
Weaved in this journey are themes we call life lessons. They can be coupled with moral tones, vices, bad choices, blind spots, naive behavior or self-destructive tendencies. But in the end, the character has to change, for better or worse, of the journey itself was meaningless. And the reader is left with a bitter taste of wasting time investing in a story with no true end.
Did LOST's main character have great personal development?
That remains an open question.
If we start with Locke as a young boy, we find that his life was a journey of mistakes, bad choices, social awkwardness and inability to find his place in society.
He was a miracle premature baby who survived his mother's car collision in rural, 1950s America. He was abandoned by his birth parents to grow up in foster homes as an outsider. He was smart, but wanted to be a jock. But he was not good enough so he fit into neither group. He became a loner. The more he grew up, the more sullen he became since he was missing the one thing other kids had: a family. So he spent much of his time trying to find a family unit. He would bounce from entry level job to job trying to find a permanent connection. But his deep seeded fears of abandonment and mistrust sabotaged most of his relationships. His fears were realized when he re-connected with his parents only to have his father steal his kidney and cripple him for life by pushing him through a high rise window.
So Locke's past contained so much baggage that he was a prime candidate for a character's "hero journey" of evolution. But did he did a hero's ending?
Sadly, no. Locke's sad life turned into a sad death.
The island "magic" apparently "cured" Locke's paralysis when he crash landed with the other survivors. He took it personally as a sign, a "miracle," a chance to be the person he dreamed he was going to be as a boy. Locke wanted to be a respected, swashbuckling, Outback, adventure-loving leader of men and lover of women.
Everyone on the island had an opportunity to shed their past and create a new self image.
In Locke's case, he started strong as being a hunter-food provider. But when the majority of the castaways gravitated toward the charismatic doctor, Jack, for survival, Locke became upset. He retreated to become a gregarious loner. Sure, he got along with many of the characters but most merely tolerated his ramblings. He never received the respect or admiration he thought he deserved.
He had an opportunity to become the leader of the 815 survivors, but Jack and Sawyer were chosen over him. He had an opportunity to become the true leader of the Others, but he could not bring it upon himself to kill his own father.
Even when he "sacrificed" himself at ghost Shepherd's suggestion, only then did Sawyer give him faint praise after Locke turned the FDW to reset the island time skips.
When he returned to the States, Locke had several choices. He could have turned his back on the island and its harsh surreality. Or he could find himself back living a lonely existence in his new wheelchair. Instead, he was manipulated by Widmore like he had been manipulated by Ben to do someone's else's bidding. But Locke failed in his quest to get everyone back to the island.
In a seedy hotel room, Locke decided to commit suicide, a coward's not a hero's way out. Before he was about to do the deed, he was interrupted by Ben. Ben convinced him that his life still had value. That he was needed on the island. That he had to go back with him to make everything right. He had to go back to save his "friends." But after Locke slipped with the information on how he could get back to the island, through Mrs. Hawking, Ben strangled Locke whose last thoughts according to Flocke was "I don't understand."
Most viewers did not understand why MIB, the smoke monster, needed to inhabit Locke's corpse or assume his identity in order to overthrown Jacob. MIB did take Locke's memories to begin to manipulate the survivors, including those who let live after the Temple massacre. But if there was still a part of Locke in MIB's use of his memories, image or character - - - Locke failed to fight back or control MIB.
In the end, Locke winds up in the sideways church. He seems happy at the reunion, but how could he be? He sat in a pew alone. There was no one special present for him. Not his late girlfriend. Not his mother. No one. Throughout his life, Locke failed to make a special bond with any one person in order to "move on" in the after life. Locke's journey did not end in a hero's quest or salvation but as a sad footnote.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Friday, June 30, 2017
Friday, November 18, 2016
DAYDREAMS OR NIGHTMARES
A Japanese proverb states, "Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare."
Modern people are caught in a cruel dilemma. Cultures impose upon individuals a sense of what is expected of them during their lifetime. Families also impose certain structures, values and goals upon their children which may or may not be realistic. Early experiences shape future actions more than people realize, especially the psychological underpinnings of self-esteem, self-worth, shyness, openness or personal anxieties.
The biggest governor in a person's life is the hard wired defense mechanism that a person does not want to get hurt. Hurt, being physical or emotional. As we grow older, the emotional buffer grows stronger because the mental pain of rejection hits deeper.
This post will not get into whether LOST was a daydream or nightmare premise of some character(s).
It is interesting to look deeper into the proverb's claim.
The hardest thing a person has do mentally is set forth action to overcome a difficult thought.
The classic example of this is a young man getting the courage and inner strength to ask his crush for a date. The ramifications for him are huge. If she says yes, then the weight of the world melts from his shoulders. She likes him. OK. That is the start he was looking for (nervous success to follow). But if she says no, then the young man is crushed. He let himself be venerable by asking the question with the high expectation of a "yes" answer. This experience of pain can haunt him, especially the next time a similar situation happens in his life.
Everyone's mind is a set of dominoes of these types of experiences. One may set off a chain reaction of withdrawal from society. One may set off a relief valve of wayward expectations being corralled into common sense. It is how people work out and balance the fear factor to the potential reward is how one can live a meaningful and happy life.
A happy life is not necessarily what other people give you. A happy life is what you make of yourself.
But if you are leading an unfulfilled life, one may get more and more caught up in the daydream of a better life. In your mind, the perfect world can be created to insulate yourself from the pain, fear and pressures of interacting with real people. When a daydream takes over a person's focus and bleeds into their daily routine, the person becomes their own anti-social island. Within the confines of their dream island, nothing can go wrong or hurt them because they control the outcome.
But in real life, you don't control the outcome of events. It may be random chance, hard work or a factor of opportunity over latent skill that leads to variable results. You can do the same thing over and over again to get variable results. There are infinite possibilities even in finite situations.
But if the insulated daydream takes over you to the point of not being able to cope in normal, real world situations (which makes your work suffer, your family estranged, or become a shut-in without friends), you create your own island prison of self-contempt.
It is tough to reverse that course because a person builds up layers of defenses to keep from feeling any bad memory pain. The more the defenses, the more difficult it is to open up your mind to gauge reality from fiction.
Hurley is probably the best example of this daydream-nightmare dynamic. His parental abandonment led to deep seated pain and anxiety about his self-worth. He was depressed to the point of changing his appearance to keep people away. He became secretive. He became a wall flower. When he had the courage to ask the record store girl to go out with him, he was on top of the world until his one best friend turned on him - - - after he kept his lottery winnings to himself. Hurley lost the girl and his friend. He retreated more into his fantasy world (creating imaginary friend, Dave, to take the place of everyone who had hurt him). But it was actually Dave's last appearance on the island that was the path for Hurley to break free of his daydream nightmare. He had to leap off the cliff of self-delusion in order to "wake up" to the reality that he is a good, nice person who had a place in the real world. People would like him. He could find new friends. He could find a good job. He could find a girl and be happy.
But Libby, his dream girl, stopped Hurley from making that great mental leap. And that is the pull of the dream world - - - it keeps one in a safe illusion of happiness even though you are hurting your chances to find real happiness.
Hurley is symbolic of the average person caught between the expectations of others and their own personal issues or demons. You want to be accepted by your peers. You want to make your parents proud. You want to enjoy what you do. But the voice in your head keeps telling you that if you take that action, you will be sorry.
The greatest regrets in life are those "what if" moments of inaction. If you act and fail, then chalk it up to experience. If you don't act (and don't get a positive or negative result), then you are stuck in personal quicksand and that opportunity is lost.
As you can tell, many LOST themes are woven into this situation, including illusion, island, regret, depression, mental issues, and friendship. The idea of self-growth being self-directed is the base line coda of human life. You cannot wait for someone to come by to make you instantly happy. It never happens that way - - - even in the movies.
Modern people are caught in a cruel dilemma. Cultures impose upon individuals a sense of what is expected of them during their lifetime. Families also impose certain structures, values and goals upon their children which may or may not be realistic. Early experiences shape future actions more than people realize, especially the psychological underpinnings of self-esteem, self-worth, shyness, openness or personal anxieties.
The biggest governor in a person's life is the hard wired defense mechanism that a person does not want to get hurt. Hurt, being physical or emotional. As we grow older, the emotional buffer grows stronger because the mental pain of rejection hits deeper.
This post will not get into whether LOST was a daydream or nightmare premise of some character(s).
It is interesting to look deeper into the proverb's claim.
The hardest thing a person has do mentally is set forth action to overcome a difficult thought.
The classic example of this is a young man getting the courage and inner strength to ask his crush for a date. The ramifications for him are huge. If she says yes, then the weight of the world melts from his shoulders. She likes him. OK. That is the start he was looking for (nervous success to follow). But if she says no, then the young man is crushed. He let himself be venerable by asking the question with the high expectation of a "yes" answer. This experience of pain can haunt him, especially the next time a similar situation happens in his life.
Everyone's mind is a set of dominoes of these types of experiences. One may set off a chain reaction of withdrawal from society. One may set off a relief valve of wayward expectations being corralled into common sense. It is how people work out and balance the fear factor to the potential reward is how one can live a meaningful and happy life.
A happy life is not necessarily what other people give you. A happy life is what you make of yourself.
But if you are leading an unfulfilled life, one may get more and more caught up in the daydream of a better life. In your mind, the perfect world can be created to insulate yourself from the pain, fear and pressures of interacting with real people. When a daydream takes over a person's focus and bleeds into their daily routine, the person becomes their own anti-social island. Within the confines of their dream island, nothing can go wrong or hurt them because they control the outcome.
But in real life, you don't control the outcome of events. It may be random chance, hard work or a factor of opportunity over latent skill that leads to variable results. You can do the same thing over and over again to get variable results. There are infinite possibilities even in finite situations.
But if the insulated daydream takes over you to the point of not being able to cope in normal, real world situations (which makes your work suffer, your family estranged, or become a shut-in without friends), you create your own island prison of self-contempt.
It is tough to reverse that course because a person builds up layers of defenses to keep from feeling any bad memory pain. The more the defenses, the more difficult it is to open up your mind to gauge reality from fiction.
Hurley is probably the best example of this daydream-nightmare dynamic. His parental abandonment led to deep seated pain and anxiety about his self-worth. He was depressed to the point of changing his appearance to keep people away. He became secretive. He became a wall flower. When he had the courage to ask the record store girl to go out with him, he was on top of the world until his one best friend turned on him - - - after he kept his lottery winnings to himself. Hurley lost the girl and his friend. He retreated more into his fantasy world (creating imaginary friend, Dave, to take the place of everyone who had hurt him). But it was actually Dave's last appearance on the island that was the path for Hurley to break free of his daydream nightmare. He had to leap off the cliff of self-delusion in order to "wake up" to the reality that he is a good, nice person who had a place in the real world. People would like him. He could find new friends. He could find a good job. He could find a girl and be happy.
But Libby, his dream girl, stopped Hurley from making that great mental leap. And that is the pull of the dream world - - - it keeps one in a safe illusion of happiness even though you are hurting your chances to find real happiness.
Hurley is symbolic of the average person caught between the expectations of others and their own personal issues or demons. You want to be accepted by your peers. You want to make your parents proud. You want to enjoy what you do. But the voice in your head keeps telling you that if you take that action, you will be sorry.
The greatest regrets in life are those "what if" moments of inaction. If you act and fail, then chalk it up to experience. If you don't act (and don't get a positive or negative result), then you are stuck in personal quicksand and that opportunity is lost.
As you can tell, many LOST themes are woven into this situation, including illusion, island, regret, depression, mental issues, and friendship. The idea of self-growth being self-directed is the base line coda of human life. You cannot wait for someone to come by to make you instantly happy. It never happens that way - - - even in the movies.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
THE FORMATIVE NUMBERS
When one connects the cross Numbers on a clock face, you get the following result:
8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and 18.
These numbers could be important because they form the basis of the formative years of a person's personal growth.
At common law, the age of 7 was deemed the age of reason. A person was expected to know the difference between right and wrong.
The age of 18 confirms adulthood. A person is emancipated from their parent's guardianship. They can join the military, make contracts, get married, etc.
How one what acts and behaves during the time between age 8 and 18 is important. What were the parental guidance? What were the environmental factors? What were the support mechanisms? Did the person learn values, goals and ethics? Did he or she fall in the wrong crowd?
Look at the people devoid of parental love and attention:
Locke.
Ben.
Sawyer (after his parents were killed).
Look at people who only had the attention of one parent:
Hurley.
Kate.
Shannon.
Walt.
Claire.
Jin.
Look at people who had a "normal" upbringing:
Jack.
Sun.
Sayid.
In the "normal" group, Jack had the upper middle class upbringing which led him to become a highly respected surgeon. He was smart, encouraged, had the means and opportunity to get a large slice of the American Dream. But in the end, was he a happy person?
Sun came from a very wealthy family. She was repressed by class status and her Korean culture. The only way she could get attention and feel independent was to rebel against her father in the worst possible way: by marrying a poor man. But even that goal did not make her a happy person.
Sayid grew up in a tight family setting in Iraq. His household was ruled by a strict father and a demanding culture. Sayid did what he had to do - - - such as butchering an animal his older brother could not do - - - which gave himself value to the group. And that need to be valuable in a group was the anchor that dragged his personal ambition and happiness down.
In many ways, the characters brought up by one parent have two common traits: loneliness and selfishness. Hurley was raised by his strict mother after his father left. She was religious and pushy, especially about his social life. That caused Hurley to eat to repress his social life. As a result, his mother enabled him to become a shy, quiet, dependent child who would never want to leave the artificial womb of her home. It is selfish to stay with a parent when, with any personal drive, you should be on your own. Claire had a similar relationship with her mother. Her mother wanted her to settle on a normal path, but Claire had a wild streak. They would fight over trivial matters. The last argument led to her mother's severe and fatal injuries.
You can add bitterness to characters like Kate and Walt. They were given a relatively carefree life, their needs being met by their mothers, but they were not very grateful. Each would act up in a controlled tantrum for attention. Then they were upset when things did not go their way, not understanding that it is the effort you have to put in yourself to get the result you want.
The characters who lost their parents early in the childhood, Ben, Locke and Sawyer, all had one driving trait: criminality. Their moral compasses did not have the bearings that parents instill in their children. Ben was beaten down daily by his alcoholic father who blamed Ben for his own shortcomings and lousy life. Locke's known abandonment was reinforced like a knife blade in his back each day he was in a foster home. Sawyer could only think of revenge after his father committed murder-suicide because of a con-man's trick on the family. Each would cross paths in the criminal world and go with its flow, including Locke - - - in seeking a "family" would have been fine living in a drug selling commune if they would accept him.
They say there is good and bad in everyone. What dominates a person's adulthood comes from what happens when a child is 8 to 18 years old. Each of LOST's main characters personalities were crystallized by events that happened in their childhoods.
8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and 18.
These numbers could be important because they form the basis of the formative years of a person's personal growth.
At common law, the age of 7 was deemed the age of reason. A person was expected to know the difference between right and wrong.
The age of 18 confirms adulthood. A person is emancipated from their parent's guardianship. They can join the military, make contracts, get married, etc.
How one what acts and behaves during the time between age 8 and 18 is important. What were the parental guidance? What were the environmental factors? What were the support mechanisms? Did the person learn values, goals and ethics? Did he or she fall in the wrong crowd?
Look at the people devoid of parental love and attention:
Locke.
Ben.
Sawyer (after his parents were killed).
Look at people who only had the attention of one parent:
Hurley.
Kate.
Shannon.
Walt.
Claire.
Jin.
Look at people who had a "normal" upbringing:
Jack.
Sun.
Sayid.
In the "normal" group, Jack had the upper middle class upbringing which led him to become a highly respected surgeon. He was smart, encouraged, had the means and opportunity to get a large slice of the American Dream. But in the end, was he a happy person?
Sun came from a very wealthy family. She was repressed by class status and her Korean culture. The only way she could get attention and feel independent was to rebel against her father in the worst possible way: by marrying a poor man. But even that goal did not make her a happy person.
Sayid grew up in a tight family setting in Iraq. His household was ruled by a strict father and a demanding culture. Sayid did what he had to do - - - such as butchering an animal his older brother could not do - - - which gave himself value to the group. And that need to be valuable in a group was the anchor that dragged his personal ambition and happiness down.
In many ways, the characters brought up by one parent have two common traits: loneliness and selfishness. Hurley was raised by his strict mother after his father left. She was religious and pushy, especially about his social life. That caused Hurley to eat to repress his social life. As a result, his mother enabled him to become a shy, quiet, dependent child who would never want to leave the artificial womb of her home. It is selfish to stay with a parent when, with any personal drive, you should be on your own. Claire had a similar relationship with her mother. Her mother wanted her to settle on a normal path, but Claire had a wild streak. They would fight over trivial matters. The last argument led to her mother's severe and fatal injuries.
You can add bitterness to characters like Kate and Walt. They were given a relatively carefree life, their needs being met by their mothers, but they were not very grateful. Each would act up in a controlled tantrum for attention. Then they were upset when things did not go their way, not understanding that it is the effort you have to put in yourself to get the result you want.
The characters who lost their parents early in the childhood, Ben, Locke and Sawyer, all had one driving trait: criminality. Their moral compasses did not have the bearings that parents instill in their children. Ben was beaten down daily by his alcoholic father who blamed Ben for his own shortcomings and lousy life. Locke's known abandonment was reinforced like a knife blade in his back each day he was in a foster home. Sawyer could only think of revenge after his father committed murder-suicide because of a con-man's trick on the family. Each would cross paths in the criminal world and go with its flow, including Locke - - - in seeking a "family" would have been fine living in a drug selling commune if they would accept him.
They say there is good and bad in everyone. What dominates a person's adulthood comes from what happens when a child is 8 to 18 years old. Each of LOST's main characters personalities were crystallized by events that happened in their childhoods.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
WHO DESERVES A HAPPY ENDING?
There are some stories that deserve a happy ending. But there are some stories where characters do not require one.
I was troubled by this season of Doctor Who. The showrunner was keen on giving two companion characters major send-offs. It was one of those "they deserved their moment in the limelight." But it does dilute the main character's role as a super-intelligent, time traveling alien who always viewed himself as above the more primitive human race.
Part of the problem was that after the Doctor's current companion, Clara, died because she tried to be as clever as the Doctor himself. That was a pretty solid finish for a character that really did not take a back seat in her last season. She did not play the secondary damsel in distress role; she was a co-worker in solving problems. But the show brought her back in a weird Time Lord trope of pulling her back a second before her death so she could further humanize the Doctor. I don't think that worked at all especially since Clara is no longer dead, and running around with another immortal in their very own time machine.
Then for the annual Christmas special, the Indiana Jonesian character, River Song, had her grand send-off. Again, this plot seemed too forced and out of character. The Doctor has always been cast as a loner who always needed an innocent human companion to balance his potentially unchecked desire to create chaos and destruction. To have one last caper is one thing; but to push the tangential story line that the Doctor and River Song were timelessly in love (even through a re-generation) further weakened the Doctor's character.
Did Clara and River Song require a happy ending? No. It would have been more powerful if they had bad or heroic endings since that would have been key points in the Doctor's future decision making process (wrestling with guilt, shame, loss).
This same type of forced happy ending put a sour taste in many fans. The final season was a mess of character show reel type plots. One example was the back story episode for Alpert. The only thing that episode did was add evidence that the island was not purgatory, but Hell.
LOST could have ended well at the end of Season 5. Yes, there would have been many loose ends not tied up - - - but that was said when the series finally concluded in the sideways church and then some more plot issues. Was the sideways post-death limbo just a device to force a happy ending for Jack? It would appear so, but it was not executed well because once Jack awakened, he did not seem very happy. More confused than happy.
Other characters, such as Ben, got a happier conclusion than they really deserved. Ben was an alleged mass murdering, abusive psychopath who really did not pay any penalty for his sins. Was that all immaterial when Ben got to choose to stay in the sideways existence to find his missing family life with Rousseau and Alex?
Kate was very happy to see Jack once she awakened from her island slumber. But that happiness was contrary to the reality of their past relationship. In the O6 world, Kate's relationship with Jack soured quickly. On the island, Kate chose Sawyer over Jack. When Jack was in the depths of alcohol/drug depression, Kate turned his back on him. And when Jack was injured on the island, Kate did not stay by his side but instead left the island with Sawyer. It made no sense for Kate to come back in the after life to be Jack's main love interest, his soul mate.
But then again, in the final scene two characters in the church apparently had no happy ending: Locke and Boone. They had no one special with them to share the next level of existence. Both died in the island time frame in brutal and senseless deaths. And in the subsequent story lines, they were not truly mourned by their friends. Was it enough just to have these two loners be a part of a larger group?
Fans probably like the idea of happy endings because they had invested so much time and thought into their favorite characters. But sometimes forced happy endings are the worst thing a show can do.
I was troubled by this season of Doctor Who. The showrunner was keen on giving two companion characters major send-offs. It was one of those "they deserved their moment in the limelight." But it does dilute the main character's role as a super-intelligent, time traveling alien who always viewed himself as above the more primitive human race.
Part of the problem was that after the Doctor's current companion, Clara, died because she tried to be as clever as the Doctor himself. That was a pretty solid finish for a character that really did not take a back seat in her last season. She did not play the secondary damsel in distress role; she was a co-worker in solving problems. But the show brought her back in a weird Time Lord trope of pulling her back a second before her death so she could further humanize the Doctor. I don't think that worked at all especially since Clara is no longer dead, and running around with another immortal in their very own time machine.
Then for the annual Christmas special, the Indiana Jonesian character, River Song, had her grand send-off. Again, this plot seemed too forced and out of character. The Doctor has always been cast as a loner who always needed an innocent human companion to balance his potentially unchecked desire to create chaos and destruction. To have one last caper is one thing; but to push the tangential story line that the Doctor and River Song were timelessly in love (even through a re-generation) further weakened the Doctor's character.
Did Clara and River Song require a happy ending? No. It would have been more powerful if they had bad or heroic endings since that would have been key points in the Doctor's future decision making process (wrestling with guilt, shame, loss).
This same type of forced happy ending put a sour taste in many fans. The final season was a mess of character show reel type plots. One example was the back story episode for Alpert. The only thing that episode did was add evidence that the island was not purgatory, but Hell.
LOST could have ended well at the end of Season 5. Yes, there would have been many loose ends not tied up - - - but that was said when the series finally concluded in the sideways church and then some more plot issues. Was the sideways post-death limbo just a device to force a happy ending for Jack? It would appear so, but it was not executed well because once Jack awakened, he did not seem very happy. More confused than happy.
Other characters, such as Ben, got a happier conclusion than they really deserved. Ben was an alleged mass murdering, abusive psychopath who really did not pay any penalty for his sins. Was that all immaterial when Ben got to choose to stay in the sideways existence to find his missing family life with Rousseau and Alex?
Kate was very happy to see Jack once she awakened from her island slumber. But that happiness was contrary to the reality of their past relationship. In the O6 world, Kate's relationship with Jack soured quickly. On the island, Kate chose Sawyer over Jack. When Jack was in the depths of alcohol/drug depression, Kate turned his back on him. And when Jack was injured on the island, Kate did not stay by his side but instead left the island with Sawyer. It made no sense for Kate to come back in the after life to be Jack's main love interest, his soul mate.
But then again, in the final scene two characters in the church apparently had no happy ending: Locke and Boone. They had no one special with them to share the next level of existence. Both died in the island time frame in brutal and senseless deaths. And in the subsequent story lines, they were not truly mourned by their friends. Was it enough just to have these two loners be a part of a larger group?
Fans probably like the idea of happy endings because they had invested so much time and thought into their favorite characters. But sometimes forced happy endings are the worst thing a show can do.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
HAPPINESS TRADE-OFFS
One of the main themes of life is finding and securing happiness.
But in the quest for happiness, something usually has to give.
In LOST, various main characters were searching for happiness, but most never found it.
For example, Rose and Bernard met late in life. It was a godsend for Bernard. Rose was his world. Until she got cancer. He panicked and tried to find any cure. That led to a strain in their relationship. Rose was a realist. Bernard was an optimistic dreamer. But for Bernard to secure his happiness with Rose, they both had to "die" in a plane crash. That was the only "cure" for Rose's cancer was that she became a spiritual being on the island.
For example, Jack's sole mission in his life was to get the acknowledgement of his skills from his father. As a result, Jack was never happy. He had no friends. He was obsessed with pleasing his father, and getting out of his father's shadow, that it caused him to be paranoid and obsessive in his relationships. His first marriage failed because of an alleged jealousy between his wife and his father. And his relationship in O6 arc with Kate fell a part as well. In order for Jack to be happy, he had to do the opposite. He had to control things. He had to have the final say. He had to be right.
And then there were characters like Locke who spent their entire lives trying to find happiness, but stumbled through it as a fool. His bitterness of being abandoned as a child clouded all of his life choices. It ruined his relationship with the one woman who cared about him and his disabilities. The only way Locke found any sliver of contentment was when he "died" and was reunited with his island friends.
Sociologists have studied this apparent personal paradox. Happiness is something we assume we want, but in reality, we sometimes give it up in exchange for comfort. Unfortunately, we’re often comfortable with not getting what we want, so resign ourselves to that fate. As researchers stated:
The concept of self-sabotage fits Locke to a tee. It also fits in Jack's grinding personality flaws of being an unloved, control freak. It also connects Kate's selfishness with her self-destructive behavior when she constantly tries to escape responsibility for her life's decisions.
Was Jack really happy in the end? I don't think so. Being a martyr and dying in the bamboo field was unnecessary. And when he went to the sideways church reunion, he was more in his own catatonic state than being in a state of happiness.
But in the quest for happiness, something usually has to give.
In LOST, various main characters were searching for happiness, but most never found it.
For example, Rose and Bernard met late in life. It was a godsend for Bernard. Rose was his world. Until she got cancer. He panicked and tried to find any cure. That led to a strain in their relationship. Rose was a realist. Bernard was an optimistic dreamer. But for Bernard to secure his happiness with Rose, they both had to "die" in a plane crash. That was the only "cure" for Rose's cancer was that she became a spiritual being on the island.
For example, Jack's sole mission in his life was to get the acknowledgement of his skills from his father. As a result, Jack was never happy. He had no friends. He was obsessed with pleasing his father, and getting out of his father's shadow, that it caused him to be paranoid and obsessive in his relationships. His first marriage failed because of an alleged jealousy between his wife and his father. And his relationship in O6 arc with Kate fell a part as well. In order for Jack to be happy, he had to do the opposite. He had to control things. He had to have the final say. He had to be right.
And then there were characters like Locke who spent their entire lives trying to find happiness, but stumbled through it as a fool. His bitterness of being abandoned as a child clouded all of his life choices. It ruined his relationship with the one woman who cared about him and his disabilities. The only way Locke found any sliver of contentment was when he "died" and was reunited with his island friends.
Sociologists have studied this apparent personal paradox. Happiness is something we assume we want, but in reality, we sometimes give it up in exchange for comfort. Unfortunately, we’re often comfortable with not getting what we want, so resign ourselves to that fate. As researchers stated:
Though happiness is of course what we all fundamentally want, for many of us, it isn’t really what we know...it isn’t what we’ve come to expect. It doesn’t feel like home...Getting what we want can make us feel unbearably risky...Self sabotage may leave us sad, but at least safely, blessedly, in control. It can be useful to keep the concept of self sabotage in mind when interpreting our and others’ odder behavior.Beyond that, next time you’re weighing a decision and thinking about the risk involved, it might help to consider the role of comfort and control.
The concept of self-sabotage fits Locke to a tee. It also fits in Jack's grinding personality flaws of being an unloved, control freak. It also connects Kate's selfishness with her self-destructive behavior when she constantly tries to escape responsibility for her life's decisions.
Was Jack really happy in the end? I don't think so. Being a martyr and dying in the bamboo field was unnecessary. And when he went to the sideways church reunion, he was more in his own catatonic state than being in a state of happiness.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
WINNING IS HARD
Winning is hard. If you are playing the U.S. lottery, even harder. As Lifehacker explains:
The odds of having a jackpot winning ticket for the current Powerball is about 1 in 292 million. Just to emphasize how small of a chance that is, you’re looking at around 0.000000003% of buying a single winning ticket. You have a better chance of finding the last of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets. Mainly because they’re fictional and nobody would care if you said you found one, so you might as well spend the $2 on a Wonka bar and eat some chocolate.
If the odds are so small, though, why do so many people play? We like to daydream of a better life, it’s super easy to buy a ticket and play, and somewhere deep down we all know that someone has to win and it could be me.
If you want to buy a ticket for fun, there’s nothing wrong with that,
but spending more than a few dollars on tickets isn’t worth it.
Mathematically speaking, the only way to increase your odds of winning
Powerball is to buy more tickets, but that doesn’t mean you should.Unless you’re willing to throw down outrageous amounts of cash, your odds hardly increase at all.
Buying 10 extra lottery tickets only increases your odds from 1 in 292 million to, well, 11 in 292 million, which is still astronomically small.
Of course, if you were determined to earn some kind of prize and “win” the lottery, there are ways to do that. Based on the numbers from a previous high-prize Powerball in 2013, Business Insider explained that it’s possible to guarantee a “win” with some math. If you buy somewhere between 200 and 300 different lottery tickets, you’re all but guaranteed to end up with at least one cash prize. Then again, the non-jackpot cash prizes range anywhere from the most common $4 prize all the way up to the extremely rare $1,000,000 prize. So you could buy 300 Powerball tickets and guarantee a “win,” but that prize could be a measly $4. If you really wanted to cross “winning the lottery” off of your bucket list, a better approach is to buy 35 tickets that each have a different Powerball number. You’ll be guaranteed a $4 win, but be down $66.
Even if you were already incredibly wealthy, you couldn’t even game the system to win the jackpot. You would have to buy every single one of the over 292 million different number combinations. That would cost you around $584 million and—even with this epic jackpot of $1.5 billion—would still put you in the hole. You would only get about $886 million if you took the lump sum payout (which most people do), and you would have to pay 39.6% of that in federal taxes. That leaves you with around $624 million. But that is even a myth because one would have not enough time to purchase all the required tickets.
Furthermore, if you were crazy enough (and rich enough) to do that, you better hope you’re the only one trying because it would be possible that you would have to split the winnings if someone else tried use the same strategy, or worse, a dumb luck shmuck who waged only two bucks.
If you want to experience how remarkably small your odds of winning are first hand (and without losing any money), try this Powerball simulator from the Los Angeles Times to see how truly bad your chances are. If you’re still not convinced, financial experts state that you are around 1,488,095 times more likely to die in a car wreck on the way to the gas station to buy the lottery ticket than actually win the jackpot.
To guarantee a cash prize, you have to buy the 300 or so tickets. At $2 a ticket, you’ll be spending $600. If you don’t live close to somewhere that sells Powerball tickets, you should consider your travel time and fuel consumption as well. Some folks drive for hours to buy tickets, and that makes buying tickets cost even more.
If, for example, you were thinking about driving a few hours to buy $600 worth of Powerball tickets, you could be spending closer to $700 or $800 (plus the potential opportunity cost). As Kiplinger newsletter stated, you are far better off in the long run putting that $700 toward paying off credit card debt or student loans, increasing your 401(k) contributions, starting a savings account, or investing in an index fund that all but guarantee an actual return on the money you spent.
However, occasionally paying a dollar to daydream about being a millionaire is harmless fun. You’re probably not going to win, but if you go in with the right mindset, buying a lottery ticket can give you a nice little morale boost for the day. Plus, portions of the money people spend on lottery tickets usually goes to something beneficial for your state like education or parks, so you don’t have to feel too bad for playing unless you are in a state like Illinois which has failed to pay its lottery winners over $600 for months due to a budget stalemate.
The odds of having a jackpot winning ticket for the current Powerball is about 1 in 292 million. Just to emphasize how small of a chance that is, you’re looking at around 0.000000003% of buying a single winning ticket. You have a better chance of finding the last of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets. Mainly because they’re fictional and nobody would care if you said you found one, so you might as well spend the $2 on a Wonka bar and eat some chocolate.
Buying 10 extra lottery tickets only increases your odds from 1 in 292 million to, well, 11 in 292 million, which is still astronomically small.
Of course, if you were determined to earn some kind of prize and “win” the lottery, there are ways to do that. Based on the numbers from a previous high-prize Powerball in 2013, Business Insider explained that it’s possible to guarantee a “win” with some math. If you buy somewhere between 200 and 300 different lottery tickets, you’re all but guaranteed to end up with at least one cash prize. Then again, the non-jackpot cash prizes range anywhere from the most common $4 prize all the way up to the extremely rare $1,000,000 prize. So you could buy 300 Powerball tickets and guarantee a “win,” but that prize could be a measly $4. If you really wanted to cross “winning the lottery” off of your bucket list, a better approach is to buy 35 tickets that each have a different Powerball number. You’ll be guaranteed a $4 win, but be down $66.
Even if you were already incredibly wealthy, you couldn’t even game the system to win the jackpot. You would have to buy every single one of the over 292 million different number combinations. That would cost you around $584 million and—even with this epic jackpot of $1.5 billion—would still put you in the hole. You would only get about $886 million if you took the lump sum payout (which most people do), and you would have to pay 39.6% of that in federal taxes. That leaves you with around $624 million. But that is even a myth because one would have not enough time to purchase all the required tickets.
Furthermore, if you were crazy enough (and rich enough) to do that, you better hope you’re the only one trying because it would be possible that you would have to split the winnings if someone else tried use the same strategy, or worse, a dumb luck shmuck who waged only two bucks.
If you want to experience how remarkably small your odds of winning are first hand (and without losing any money), try this Powerball simulator from the Los Angeles Times to see how truly bad your chances are. If you’re still not convinced, financial experts state that you are around 1,488,095 times more likely to die in a car wreck on the way to the gas station to buy the lottery ticket than actually win the jackpot.
To guarantee a cash prize, you have to buy the 300 or so tickets. At $2 a ticket, you’ll be spending $600. If you don’t live close to somewhere that sells Powerball tickets, you should consider your travel time and fuel consumption as well. Some folks drive for hours to buy tickets, and that makes buying tickets cost even more.
If, for example, you were thinking about driving a few hours to buy $600 worth of Powerball tickets, you could be spending closer to $700 or $800 (plus the potential opportunity cost). As Kiplinger newsletter stated, you are far better off in the long run putting that $700 toward paying off credit card debt or student loans, increasing your 401(k) contributions, starting a savings account, or investing in an index fund that all but guarantee an actual return on the money you spent.
However, occasionally paying a dollar to daydream about being a millionaire is harmless fun. You’re probably not going to win, but if you go in with the right mindset, buying a lottery ticket can give you a nice little morale boost for the day. Plus, portions of the money people spend on lottery tickets usually goes to something beneficial for your state like education or parks, so you don’t have to feel too bad for playing unless you are in a state like Illinois which has failed to pay its lottery winners over $600 for months due to a budget stalemate.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
FORGIVING FRIENDS
A recent study showed that grumpy people and those under stress do not have shorter lifespans than happy people. The norm was that unhappy people have more stress in their lives which equates to higher blood pressure and other ailments. But in a large sample study, that could not be proven.
Another study concluded that lonely people had shorter lifespans. How to quantify the amount of loneliness to shaving years off one's life is unknown. But it would seem that depressed people would be more sad and despondent which could led to chemical imbalances in their system.
So it is possible that grumpy, stressed people who have friends can have a normal lifespan.
The reason is simple: people with friends can unload their inner burdens on someone. Keeping troubles bottled up inside you may be the root cause of ailments, mental or physical. By having a supportive release makes sense since navigating personal decisions in life can be hard and daunting at times.
The more powerful, negative emotions may cause the most lingering problems. Anger, spite, frustration that wrap around someone being mad at someone else or something in their lives can be like constant large waves crashing on your psyche to erode away your thoughts and dreams.
In human relations, the most powerful tool a person has to neutralize the negative emotions is forgiveness.
To forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; or used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.
To ask for forgiveness is hard because it means you must accept and speak out that you made a mistake. On the other hand, those who feel they have been wronged or hurt by another person who is asking for forgiveness may question the sincerity of the act of forgiveness.
Friendships are like a roller coaster; there will be ups and downs. It is the overall ride that matters. If one cannot forgive a friend for a mistake, then that person truly is not a real friend.
Another study concluded that lonely people had shorter lifespans. How to quantify the amount of loneliness to shaving years off one's life is unknown. But it would seem that depressed people would be more sad and despondent which could led to chemical imbalances in their system.
So it is possible that grumpy, stressed people who have friends can have a normal lifespan.
The reason is simple: people with friends can unload their inner burdens on someone. Keeping troubles bottled up inside you may be the root cause of ailments, mental or physical. By having a supportive release makes sense since navigating personal decisions in life can be hard and daunting at times.
The more powerful, negative emotions may cause the most lingering problems. Anger, spite, frustration that wrap around someone being mad at someone else or something in their lives can be like constant large waves crashing on your psyche to erode away your thoughts and dreams.
In human relations, the most powerful tool a person has to neutralize the negative emotions is forgiveness.
To forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; or used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.
To ask for forgiveness is hard because it means you must accept and speak out that you made a mistake. On the other hand, those who feel they have been wronged or hurt by another person who is asking for forgiveness may question the sincerity of the act of forgiveness.
Friendships are like a roller coaster; there will be ups and downs. It is the overall ride that matters. If one cannot forgive a friend for a mistake, then that person truly is not a real friend.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
HAPPINESS
What is happiness? We know when we are happy, but what causes it?
Two studies recently reported in The Independent try to explain this simple but elusive concept.
Everyone wants to be happy and it’s long been the ultimate goal for humans. Now researchers at Kyoto University believe they have found the region in the brain that is responsible for controlling these feelings by looking at the neural structures that cause people to be happy.
The research has been led by Wataru Sato, who thinks he has found the answer as to what makes us happy, by using MRI to find out where in the brain happiness happens.
Their study revealed that, an overall feeling of happiness is caused by happy emotions and life satisfaction. When these two feelings happen at once in the precuneus, you become happy.
The precuneus is found in the medial parietal lobe of your brain (located at the top of your head, towards the back) which is involved in episodic memory, reflecting upon self and some aspects of consciousness.
Doctors are still unclear what the neural mechanism behind happiness occurring is though.
Participants had their brains scanned with MRI and then completed a survey. The survey involved describing how happy the participants were generally, how intensely they feel emotions, whether these are positive or negative feelings and how satisfied they are with their lives.
The results showed there was a positive relationship between the subjective happiness score and grey matter volume on the right precuneus. People who were more content with their lives, had a larger precuneus.
Analysis also indicated that the same area had an association with the combined positive and negative emotional intensity and life satisfaction.
The study also reveaed that people experience emotions in a variant of ways. Some people feel more happiness more intensely when they receive compliments, for example. Those people who feel happiness more intensely also feel sadness at a lower intensity as well.
Overall, the findings suggested that the precuneus is able to mediate overall happiness by integrating the emotional and cognitive components of happiness.
Mr Sato said: “Over history, many eminent scholars like Aristotle have contemplated what happiness is. I’m very happy that we now know more about what it means to be happy. Several studies have shown that meditation increases grey matter mas in the precuneus. This new insight on where happiness happens in the brain will be useful for developing happiness programs based on scientific research."
However, Generation Y is having their own issues with finding happiness.
This is the generation born between the late 1970s and the mid 1990s. There is a sub-part of a yuppie culture that makes up a large portion of Gen Y called "Gen Y Protagonists & Special Yuppies," or GYPSYs. A GYPSY is a unique brand of yuppie, one who thinks they are the main character of a very special story.
A typical GYPSY is very pleased with themself. Only issue is this one thing: they are generally unhappy.
Happiness comes down to a simple formula:
Happiness = Reality - Expectations
It’s pretty straightforward—when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they’re unhappy.
A GYPSY's parents raised them with a sense of optimism and unbounded possibility. And they weren’t alone. Baby Boomers all around the country and world told their Gen Y kids that they could be whatever they wanted to be, instilling the special protagonist identity deep within their psyches.
This left GYPSYs feeling tremendously hopeful about their careers, to the point where their parents’ goals of a green lawn of secure prosperity didn’t really do it for them. A GYPSY-worthy lawn has more, like flowers.
The GYPSY needs a lot more from a career than a nice green lawn of prosperity and security. The fact is, a green lawn isn’t quite exceptional or unique enough for a GYPSY. Where the Baby Boomers wanted to live The American Dream, GYPSYs want to live Their Own Personal Dream.
The phrase “follow your passion” has gotten traction only in the last 20 years, according to Google’s Ngram viewer, a tool that shows how prominently a given phrase appears in English print over any period of time. The same Ngram viewer shows that the phrase “a secure career” has gone out of style, just as the phrase “a fulfilling career” has gotten hot.
To be clear, GYPSYs want economic prosperity just like their parents did—they just also want to be fulfilled by their career in a way their parents didn’t think about as much.While the career goals of Gen Y as a whole have become much more particular and ambitious, GYPSYs been given a second message throughout her childhood as well: You're Special.
This message creates a major problem for GYPSYs: They Are Delusional
Gen Y has been taught “everyone will go and get themselves some fulfilling career, but I am unusually wonderful and as such, my career and life path will stand out amongst the crowd.” So on top of the generation as a whole having the bold goal of a flowery career lawn, each individual GYPSY thinks that he or she is destined for something even better.
So why is this delusional? Because this is what all GYPSYs think, which defies the definition of special: better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. According to this definition, most people are not special—otherwise “special” wouldn’t mean anything. They have the self-perception of having a pre-determined destiny of greatness without doing much to achieve such status. As such, a harsh reality hits when they reach out into the real world.
A second GYPSY delusion comes into play once the GYPSY enters the job market. While their parents’ expectation was that many years of hard work would eventually lead to a great career, Gen Y considers a great career an obvious given for someone as exceptional as they are, and it is up to them and a matter of time and choosing which way to go. Gen Y's pre-workforce expectations look something like this:
Unfortunately, the funny thing about the world is that it turns out to not be that easy of a place, and the weird thing about careers is that they’re actually quite hard. Great careers take years of blood, sweat and tears to build—even the ones with no flowers or unicorns on them—and even the most successful people are rarely doing anything that great in their early or mid-20s.
But GYPSYs aren’t about to just accept that. Paul Harvey, a University of New Hampshire professor and GYPSY expert, has researched this, finding that Gen Y has “unrealistic expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative feedback,” and “an inflated view of oneself.” He says that “a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations. They often feel entitled to a level of respect and rewards that aren’t in line with their actual ability and effort levels, and so they might not get the level of respect and rewards they are expecting.”
For those hiring members of Gen Y, Harvey suggests asking the interview question, “Do you feel you are generally superior to your coworkers/classmates/etc., and if so, why?” He says that “if the candidate answers yes to the first part but struggles with the ‘why,’ there may be an entitlement issue. This is because entitlement perceptions are often based on an unfounded sense of superiority and deservingness. They’ve been led to believe, perhaps through overzealous self-esteem building exercises in their youth, that they are somehow special but often lack any real justification for this belief.”
Gen Yers' extreme ambition, coupled with the arrogance that comes along with being a bit deluded about one’s own self-worth, has left her with huge expectations for even the early years out of college. Their reality pales in comparison to those expectations, leaving them “reality – expectations” happy score coming out at a negative.
And it gets even worse. On top of all this, GYPSYs have an extra problem that applies to their whole generation: GYPSYs Are Taunted
Sure, some people from GYPSY’s parents’ high school or college classes ended up more successful than her parents did. And while they may have heard about some of it from time to time through the grapevine, for the most part they didn’t really know what was going on in too many other peoples’ careers. On the other hand, Gen Yers areconstantly taunted by a modern phenomenon: Facebook Image Crafting. Social media creates a world for Gen Y where A) what everyone else is doing is very out in the open, B) most people present an inflated version of their own existence, and C) the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best, while struggling people tend not to broadcast their situation. This leaves a typical Gen Y feeling, incorrectly, like everyone else is doing really well, only adding to their misery.
So that’s why Gen Y is unhappy, or at the least, feeling a bit frustrated and inadequate. In fact, they probably started off their careers perfectly well, but to them, it feels very disappointing.
Experts' advice to this unhappy youth:
1) Stay wildly ambitious. The current world is bubbling with opportunity for an ambitious person to find flowery, fulfilling success. The specific direction may be unclear, but it’ll work itself out—just dive in somewhere.
2) Stop thinking that you’re special. The fact is, right now, you’re not special. You’re another completely inexperienced young person who doesn’t have all that much to offer yet. You can become special by working really hard for a long time.
3) Ignore everyone else. Other people’s grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today’s image crafting world, other people’s grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you’ll never have any reason to envy others.
Two studies recently reported in The Independent try to explain this simple but elusive concept.
Everyone wants to be happy and it’s long been the ultimate goal for humans. Now researchers at Kyoto University believe they have found the region in the brain that is responsible for controlling these feelings by looking at the neural structures that cause people to be happy.
The research has been led by Wataru Sato, who thinks he has found the answer as to what makes us happy, by using MRI to find out where in the brain happiness happens.
Their study revealed that, an overall feeling of happiness is caused by happy emotions and life satisfaction. When these two feelings happen at once in the precuneus, you become happy.
The precuneus is found in the medial parietal lobe of your brain (located at the top of your head, towards the back) which is involved in episodic memory, reflecting upon self and some aspects of consciousness.
Doctors are still unclear what the neural mechanism behind happiness occurring is though.
Participants had their brains scanned with MRI and then completed a survey. The survey involved describing how happy the participants were generally, how intensely they feel emotions, whether these are positive or negative feelings and how satisfied they are with their lives.
The results showed there was a positive relationship between the subjective happiness score and grey matter volume on the right precuneus. People who were more content with their lives, had a larger precuneus.
Analysis also indicated that the same area had an association with the combined positive and negative emotional intensity and life satisfaction.
The study also reveaed that people experience emotions in a variant of ways. Some people feel more happiness more intensely when they receive compliments, for example. Those people who feel happiness more intensely also feel sadness at a lower intensity as well.
Overall, the findings suggested that the precuneus is able to mediate overall happiness by integrating the emotional and cognitive components of happiness.
Mr Sato said: “Over history, many eminent scholars like Aristotle have contemplated what happiness is. I’m very happy that we now know more about what it means to be happy. Several studies have shown that meditation increases grey matter mas in the precuneus. This new insight on where happiness happens in the brain will be useful for developing happiness programs based on scientific research."
However, Generation Y is having their own issues with finding happiness.
This is the generation born between the late 1970s and the mid 1990s. There is a sub-part of a yuppie culture that makes up a large portion of Gen Y called "Gen Y Protagonists & Special Yuppies," or GYPSYs. A GYPSY is a unique brand of yuppie, one who thinks they are the main character of a very special story.
A typical GYPSY is very pleased with themself. Only issue is this one thing: they are generally unhappy.
Happiness comes down to a simple formula:
Happiness = Reality - Expectations
It’s pretty straightforward—when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they’re unhappy.
A GYPSY's parents raised them with a sense of optimism and unbounded possibility. And they weren’t alone. Baby Boomers all around the country and world told their Gen Y kids that they could be whatever they wanted to be, instilling the special protagonist identity deep within their psyches.
This left GYPSYs feeling tremendously hopeful about their careers, to the point where their parents’ goals of a green lawn of secure prosperity didn’t really do it for them. A GYPSY-worthy lawn has more, like flowers.
The GYPSY needs a lot more from a career than a nice green lawn of prosperity and security. The fact is, a green lawn isn’t quite exceptional or unique enough for a GYPSY. Where the Baby Boomers wanted to live The American Dream, GYPSYs want to live Their Own Personal Dream.
The phrase “follow your passion” has gotten traction only in the last 20 years, according to Google’s Ngram viewer, a tool that shows how prominently a given phrase appears in English print over any period of time. The same Ngram viewer shows that the phrase “a secure career” has gone out of style, just as the phrase “a fulfilling career” has gotten hot.
To be clear, GYPSYs want economic prosperity just like their parents did—they just also want to be fulfilled by their career in a way their parents didn’t think about as much.While the career goals of Gen Y as a whole have become much more particular and ambitious, GYPSYs been given a second message throughout her childhood as well: You're Special.
This message creates a major problem for GYPSYs: They Are Delusional
Gen Y has been taught “everyone will go and get themselves some fulfilling career, but I am unusually wonderful and as such, my career and life path will stand out amongst the crowd.” So on top of the generation as a whole having the bold goal of a flowery career lawn, each individual GYPSY thinks that he or she is destined for something even better.
So why is this delusional? Because this is what all GYPSYs think, which defies the definition of special: better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. According to this definition, most people are not special—otherwise “special” wouldn’t mean anything. They have the self-perception of having a pre-determined destiny of greatness without doing much to achieve such status. As such, a harsh reality hits when they reach out into the real world.
A second GYPSY delusion comes into play once the GYPSY enters the job market. While their parents’ expectation was that many years of hard work would eventually lead to a great career, Gen Y considers a great career an obvious given for someone as exceptional as they are, and it is up to them and a matter of time and choosing which way to go. Gen Y's pre-workforce expectations look something like this:
Unfortunately, the funny thing about the world is that it turns out to not be that easy of a place, and the weird thing about careers is that they’re actually quite hard. Great careers take years of blood, sweat and tears to build—even the ones with no flowers or unicorns on them—and even the most successful people are rarely doing anything that great in their early or mid-20s.
But GYPSYs aren’t about to just accept that. Paul Harvey, a University of New Hampshire professor and GYPSY expert, has researched this, finding that Gen Y has “unrealistic expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative feedback,” and “an inflated view of oneself.” He says that “a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations. They often feel entitled to a level of respect and rewards that aren’t in line with their actual ability and effort levels, and so they might not get the level of respect and rewards they are expecting.”
For those hiring members of Gen Y, Harvey suggests asking the interview question, “Do you feel you are generally superior to your coworkers/classmates/etc., and if so, why?” He says that “if the candidate answers yes to the first part but struggles with the ‘why,’ there may be an entitlement issue. This is because entitlement perceptions are often based on an unfounded sense of superiority and deservingness. They’ve been led to believe, perhaps through overzealous self-esteem building exercises in their youth, that they are somehow special but often lack any real justification for this belief.”
Gen Yers' extreme ambition, coupled with the arrogance that comes along with being a bit deluded about one’s own self-worth, has left her with huge expectations for even the early years out of college. Their reality pales in comparison to those expectations, leaving them “reality – expectations” happy score coming out at a negative.
And it gets even worse. On top of all this, GYPSYs have an extra problem that applies to their whole generation: GYPSYs Are Taunted
Sure, some people from GYPSY’s parents’ high school or college classes ended up more successful than her parents did. And while they may have heard about some of it from time to time through the grapevine, for the most part they didn’t really know what was going on in too many other peoples’ careers. On the other hand, Gen Yers areconstantly taunted by a modern phenomenon: Facebook Image Crafting. Social media creates a world for Gen Y where A) what everyone else is doing is very out in the open, B) most people present an inflated version of their own existence, and C) the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best, while struggling people tend not to broadcast their situation. This leaves a typical Gen Y feeling, incorrectly, like everyone else is doing really well, only adding to their misery.
So that’s why Gen Y is unhappy, or at the least, feeling a bit frustrated and inadequate. In fact, they probably started off their careers perfectly well, but to them, it feels very disappointing.
Experts' advice to this unhappy youth:
1) Stay wildly ambitious. The current world is bubbling with opportunity for an ambitious person to find flowery, fulfilling success. The specific direction may be unclear, but it’ll work itself out—just dive in somewhere.
2) Stop thinking that you’re special. The fact is, right now, you’re not special. You’re another completely inexperienced young person who doesn’t have all that much to offer yet. You can become special by working really hard for a long time.
3) Ignore everyone else. Other people’s grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today’s image crafting world, other people’s grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you’ll never have any reason to envy others.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
HAPPINESS AS A CURE
At various levels, many of the characters on LOST were lost in a state of depression.
Claire with an unwanted baby; Locke without a true family; Jack without the respect of his father; Hurley with abandonment issues; Kate with alleged abuse issues.
If LOST itself was one big, tortured group therapy session to end manic depression, well, there is a little science that would back up that point.
Claire with an unwanted baby; Locke without a true family; Jack without the respect of his father; Hurley with abandonment issues; Kate with alleged abuse issues.
If LOST itself was one big, tortured group therapy session to end manic depression, well, there is a little science that would back up that point.
Happiness not only spreads, it could actually help prevent depression, according to a new study.
Depression is not contagious, according to a new study published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society. Happiness, however, is more likely to spread between friends, and the
results from the study may help remove some of the stigma surrounding
depression.
The World Health Organization estimates that 350 million people
are currently living with depression. Preliminary studies have now shown that social support and friendships may be a major factor in lifting people out of depressive states. A detailed study shows some empirical
evidence that happiness is contagious, and that those who befriend
depressed people are not in danger of becoming depressed themselves.
Researchers
examined data from over 2,000 teenagers who had reported their network
of friendships and answered questions about their levels of happiness as
part of an earlier research project. Based on the survey results, the
scientists classified each student into either a “low mood” (depressed)
category a or “healthy mood” (not depressed) category. Then, they mapped
out friendships and ran computer simulations to determine whether
happiness and sadness spread between friends like an infectious disease.
The conclusion that depression is not contagious is supportive. However, some people can still be uncomfortable or get down around a depressed friend of relative. Who has not been around a party pooper?
Meanwhile, happiness not only spreads—it may prevent (and even help
people recover from) depression. The model suggests that teens with five
or more happy friends have half the probability of suffering from
depression over a six to 12-month period than teens without no “healthy
mood” friends. And adolescents with 10 healthy friends have more than
double the probability of recovering from depressive symptoms.
“This
was a big effect that we have seen here,” said Thomas House,
mathematics professor at the University of Manchester and coauthor on
the study.
“It could be that having a stronger social network [the real-life
version, not Facebook] is an effective way to treat depression.”
Since
the study suggests teens are not at risk of “catching” depression from
their friends, and having happy friends may prevent and even pull teens
out of depression, House and his colleagues stress that it is important
to promote any friendship between adolescents. Friendship is a win-win,
the study says—it can’t hurt, but it may be both protective and
curative.
“If
we enable friendships to develop among adolescents (for example
providing youth clubs) each adolescent is more likely to have enough
friends with healthy mood to have a protective effect,” House said in a
prepared statement. “This would reduce the prevalence of depression.”
One of the true lessons of the LOST series was the importance of people finding the bonds of true friendships. It changed people's lives. It allowed them to move past the baggage of their prior lives, to set a path for a better self and better future.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
HAPPINESS
“This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by
yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish,
selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the
world will not devote itself to making you happy.” – George Bernard Shaw
Monday, August 3, 2015
EXPECTATIONS
I can't imagine I am the only woman over 50, not married or in a serious relationship, that has been told by some well meaning friend that It would be so good for me to find someone. Find someone? Is there a specific spot I should look? Is there a lost and found pile I can dig through to see if someone in there belongs to me? Perhaps there's a room full of eligible smart kind men in a building somewhere I can't locate. Of course I am kidding. I know people are well intentioned when they say it. But did they ever think that people who aren't in serious relationships can still be seriously happy?
That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn't mean we can't be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I've been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.
I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.
--Arlene Dickinson
Society puts expectations on all of us. Especially on women on their role in our culture.
In fact, many people still judge another person by their status - - - whether it be social, wealth or relationship.
In Asian cultures, if a woman is not married by age 30, she is deemed a social outcast, an old maid, not worthy of total respect. In America, there was a strong Puritan ethic that women should marry early, raise children and tend a household. The American Dream was defined by a suburban house, picket fence, two cars in the garage and chicken in the stove pot.
But times change but the perceptions remain the same.
In the 1970s, women were told by feminists that they could have a career as good as men; that they did not need men to validate their lives; that they could find their own path to happiness. Women were no longer defined by the men around them.
Even so, there were expectations that women were to settle down, marry and have a "normal" life.
With the advent of no fault divorces (where the promise "until death do we part" has been nullified), more and more women find themselves at mid-life, alone and in the cross hairs of family and friend advice that happiness is sharing your life with someone new.
Some women are too hurt by their past experiences to try it again. Past pain does not equate to future unhappiness, but human minds do tend to lessen emotional risks with mental excuses and procrastination themes. Some women try too hard to find a new partner, only to change their personality to something they are not - - - and hurting both themselves and their new relationship in the process of unwinding the white lies.
In LOST, many of the women were defined in this cultural stigma.
Juliet was a medical doctor. But she was defined by her brilliant doctor husband. She was always in his shadow. Her accomplishments were secondary to his work. He cheated on her, disrespected her and then discarded her. But her upbringing and personality keep that bond with him even after they broke up. They were never compatible because he lacked the mutual trust and respect for her.
Kate was the rural farm girl. She had the spunk and fire of a tom boy. She was adventurous and fun. But at the point where she was supposed to grow up and become a responsible woman (settle down, marry, get a stable job, raise a family, etc.) she rebelled and lashed out at her own family. She valued her freedom more than her own happiness. It made her a bitter, lonely, frightened and sad young woman with no goals, desires or dreams.
Sun was the opposite. She was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist. She grew up in the power and position of a wealthy family. She had no hardships growing up. She became bored with the life of a rich princess. She hated the fact that her parents had their own path for her life (including marrying a proper man). Like Kate, she rebelled against her parents to marry Jin, a lowly, poor, uneducated fisherman's son. To her own shock, Jin did not take to her own adventurous side - - - he quickly changed to become Sun's father's "yes man," because Jin wanted what Sun already abandoned: wealth and status.
People have to decide their own paths. Yes, there are speed bumps along the journey of life. Some of those are created by luck, society's pressures, cultural perceptions and one's own mistaken choices. But in the end, every person must make their own decisions that are best for them and them alone. Only then can that person who is comfortable with their own life, open up to share the "real" them with another person.
That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn't mean we can't be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I've been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.
I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.
--Arlene Dickinson
Society puts expectations on all of us. Especially on women on their role in our culture.
In fact, many people still judge another person by their status - - - whether it be social, wealth or relationship.
In Asian cultures, if a woman is not married by age 30, she is deemed a social outcast, an old maid, not worthy of total respect. In America, there was a strong Puritan ethic that women should marry early, raise children and tend a household. The American Dream was defined by a suburban house, picket fence, two cars in the garage and chicken in the stove pot.
But times change but the perceptions remain the same.
In the 1970s, women were told by feminists that they could have a career as good as men; that they did not need men to validate their lives; that they could find their own path to happiness. Women were no longer defined by the men around them.
Even so, there were expectations that women were to settle down, marry and have a "normal" life.
With the advent of no fault divorces (where the promise "until death do we part" has been nullified), more and more women find themselves at mid-life, alone and in the cross hairs of family and friend advice that happiness is sharing your life with someone new.
Some women are too hurt by their past experiences to try it again. Past pain does not equate to future unhappiness, but human minds do tend to lessen emotional risks with mental excuses and procrastination themes. Some women try too hard to find a new partner, only to change their personality to something they are not - - - and hurting both themselves and their new relationship in the process of unwinding the white lies.
In LOST, many of the women were defined in this cultural stigma.
Juliet was a medical doctor. But she was defined by her brilliant doctor husband. She was always in his shadow. Her accomplishments were secondary to his work. He cheated on her, disrespected her and then discarded her. But her upbringing and personality keep that bond with him even after they broke up. They were never compatible because he lacked the mutual trust and respect for her.
Kate was the rural farm girl. She had the spunk and fire of a tom boy. She was adventurous and fun. But at the point where she was supposed to grow up and become a responsible woman (settle down, marry, get a stable job, raise a family, etc.) she rebelled and lashed out at her own family. She valued her freedom more than her own happiness. It made her a bitter, lonely, frightened and sad young woman with no goals, desires or dreams.
Sun was the opposite. She was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist. She grew up in the power and position of a wealthy family. She had no hardships growing up. She became bored with the life of a rich princess. She hated the fact that her parents had their own path for her life (including marrying a proper man). Like Kate, she rebelled against her parents to marry Jin, a lowly, poor, uneducated fisherman's son. To her own shock, Jin did not take to her own adventurous side - - - he quickly changed to become Sun's father's "yes man," because Jin wanted what Sun already abandoned: wealth and status.
People have to decide their own paths. Yes, there are speed bumps along the journey of life. Some of those are created by luck, society's pressures, cultural perceptions and one's own mistaken choices. But in the end, every person must make their own decisions that are best for them and them alone. Only then can that person who is comfortable with their own life, open up to share the "real" them with another person.
Friday, July 10, 2015
THE SAME EFFORT
There is a proverb which states: We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. ... It takes the same amount of effort.
If one takes an honest, introspective look at one's self, that proverb is an accurate statement.
Effort is a vigorous or determined attempt to accomplish something; a strenuous physical or mental exertion.
So effort takes strength, focus and a goal.
The results we get is equal to the amount of effort we put into the task.
Our mind is not our best friend. It tricks us every day. It makes "excuses" that allows us to procrastinate, take risks, go outside one's comfort zone under the security blanket of making sure we don't "get hurt." It may rain today, so I won't go outside to exercise (jog, run, walk). I won't give up soda because it will give me a caffeine withdrawal headache. It takes too much time to go out and meet new people.
Those excuses are in direct contradiction to one's own personal goals such as losing weight, meeting new people, getting out of a social rut, etc. You may want to change your life but your mind and will creates road blocks to starting a plan to achieve those goals.
It seems contradictory, but it may be the last vestige of basic animal instincts in man who for self-preservation was wary of strangers, the dark, animal noises, risky paths and painful experiences.
Every person is given 24 hours each day to use as he or she pleases. Free will gives us choices. those personal choices is what controls what paths we take during our lives. Some of these paths lead to happiness and fulfillment, while other paths lead us to loneliness and sadness.
In LOST, the vast majority of main characters were going down personal paths of unhappiness. For example, Jack chose to follow his father's career path as a surgeon, but that is not really what he wanted to do. His career path sucked the life out of him - - - turning him into a loner whose only purpose was to work at the hospital in order to get some recognition from his father.
Sawyer also chose to take his life down a dark road of revenge. He could have accepted his parents deaths for what they were, a troubled murder-suicide caused by being taken by a con artist. But there had to be something more than financial stress to cause such destruction of his family unit. Sawyer was given a chance by his uncle to become a fine young man, but Sawyer chose to copy the man who caused him grave pain. And once he fulfilled his goal of revenge, it left him hollow - - - he had led a meaningless life with nothing to show for it.
If Jack or Sawyer had put in the same effort on something more positive, a different career path, they would have been better human beings. They probably would not have been loners prior to Flight 815. They probably would have had their own happy families from the lessons learned in their own childhoods. Instead, they took the broken pieces of their lives and obsessed on them to the point of darkness.
Everyone needs to take stock in their lives on a periodic basis. Are you putting in the effort to be happy?
If one takes an honest, introspective look at one's self, that proverb is an accurate statement.
Effort is a vigorous or determined attempt to accomplish something; a strenuous physical or mental exertion.
So effort takes strength, focus and a goal.
The results we get is equal to the amount of effort we put into the task.
Our mind is not our best friend. It tricks us every day. It makes "excuses" that allows us to procrastinate, take risks, go outside one's comfort zone under the security blanket of making sure we don't "get hurt." It may rain today, so I won't go outside to exercise (jog, run, walk). I won't give up soda because it will give me a caffeine withdrawal headache. It takes too much time to go out and meet new people.
Those excuses are in direct contradiction to one's own personal goals such as losing weight, meeting new people, getting out of a social rut, etc. You may want to change your life but your mind and will creates road blocks to starting a plan to achieve those goals.
It seems contradictory, but it may be the last vestige of basic animal instincts in man who for self-preservation was wary of strangers, the dark, animal noises, risky paths and painful experiences.
Every person is given 24 hours each day to use as he or she pleases. Free will gives us choices. those personal choices is what controls what paths we take during our lives. Some of these paths lead to happiness and fulfillment, while other paths lead us to loneliness and sadness.
In LOST, the vast majority of main characters were going down personal paths of unhappiness. For example, Jack chose to follow his father's career path as a surgeon, but that is not really what he wanted to do. His career path sucked the life out of him - - - turning him into a loner whose only purpose was to work at the hospital in order to get some recognition from his father.
Sawyer also chose to take his life down a dark road of revenge. He could have accepted his parents deaths for what they were, a troubled murder-suicide caused by being taken by a con artist. But there had to be something more than financial stress to cause such destruction of his family unit. Sawyer was given a chance by his uncle to become a fine young man, but Sawyer chose to copy the man who caused him grave pain. And once he fulfilled his goal of revenge, it left him hollow - - - he had led a meaningless life with nothing to show for it.
If Jack or Sawyer had put in the same effort on something more positive, a different career path, they would have been better human beings. They probably would not have been loners prior to Flight 815. They probably would have had their own happy families from the lessons learned in their own childhoods. Instead, they took the broken pieces of their lives and obsessed on them to the point of darkness.
Everyone needs to take stock in their lives on a periodic basis. Are you putting in the effort to be happy?
Saturday, June 13, 2015
HAPPY PEOPLE
Are you happy? Do you know how to be happy?
After decades of studying and working with tens of thousands of patients, researchers at the Mayo Clinic say they’ve cracked the code to being happy, according to CBS New York.
The Mayo Clinic is one of the most prestigious health organizations in the world with as many as 8,000 ongoing studies exploring every imaginable condition — including unhappiness.
Who doesn’t want to get — and stay happy?
Psychiatrist John Tamerin says for many people the root of everything we’re chasing, a better job, more money or true love, is happiness.
But this endless pursuit often backfires.
“If you lead your life always waiting for a great thing to happen, you probably will be unhappy,” Tamerin said.
Now, after decades of research nd a dozen clinical trials, researchers at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic, say they’ve actually cracked the code to being happy, and published it in a handbook.
The research team says the first and foremost way to be happy is to focus our attention.
“You can choose to live focusing on what is not right in your life,” Dr. Amit Sood said.
Experts say the human mind is instinctively restless, wandering from good thoughts to sad thoughts, scary thoughts and everything in between.
But if we learn to command our thoughts, shifting perspective away from the negative, and embrace the positive, we will be happier, experts say.
“Resiliency has everything to do with happiness,” Dr. Sood said.
The Mayo Clinic’s research also shows the degree of happiness people enjoy has to do with how resilient they are to life’s many curve balls. Happy people are very good at compartmentalizing and creating boundaries.
“So for example, if you’ve had a difficult day, when you get back home, for the first three minutes, forget about it, park it, and meet your family as if they’re long lost friends,” Dr. Sood added.
And perhaps one of the biggest hindrances to being happy is too much thinking about one’s self, research shows.
“Complainers are never going to be happy,” Ketchian said. “Happiness is a decision.”
So why did the Mayo Clinic decide to study happiness? Studies show happier people are healthier people.
After decades of studying and working with tens of thousands of patients, researchers at the Mayo Clinic say they’ve cracked the code to being happy, according to CBS New York.
The Mayo Clinic is one of the most prestigious health organizations in the world with as many as 8,000 ongoing studies exploring every imaginable condition — including unhappiness.
Who doesn’t want to get — and stay happy?
Psychiatrist John Tamerin says for many people the root of everything we’re chasing, a better job, more money or true love, is happiness.
But this endless pursuit often backfires.
“If you lead your life always waiting for a great thing to happen, you probably will be unhappy,” Tamerin said.
Now, after decades of research nd a dozen clinical trials, researchers at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic, say they’ve actually cracked the code to being happy, and published it in a handbook.
The research team says the first and foremost way to be happy is to focus our attention.
“You can choose to live focusing on what is not right in your life,” Dr. Amit Sood said.
Experts say the human mind is instinctively restless, wandering from good thoughts to sad thoughts, scary thoughts and everything in between.
But if we learn to command our thoughts, shifting perspective away from the negative, and embrace the positive, we will be happier, experts say.
“Resiliency has everything to do with happiness,” Dr. Sood said.
The Mayo Clinic’s research also shows the degree of happiness people enjoy has to do with how resilient they are to life’s many curve balls. Happy people are very good at compartmentalizing and creating boundaries.
“So for example, if you’ve had a difficult day, when you get back home, for the first three minutes, forget about it, park it, and meet your family as if they’re long lost friends,” Dr. Sood added.
And perhaps one of the biggest hindrances to being happy is too much thinking about one’s self, research shows.
“Complainers are never going to be happy,” Ketchian said. “Happiness is a decision.”
So why did the Mayo Clinic decide to study happiness? Studies show happier people are healthier people.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
WHAT MAKES US HAPPY?
We have gone on a little tangent, from excuses the mind gives us to this post on what people think makes them happy.
The University of Bolton (UK) decided to re-run an experiment that originally took place in 1938.
The University of Bolton (UK) decided to re-run an experiment that originally took place in 1938.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
HAPPY ENDINGS
There is a trend that seems to come from Pan-Asian entertainment stories from Japan and Korea. Long lived shows, comics, or manga seem to need to end happily ever after. In Japan, the Trinity of global manga-anime franchises (Naruto, Bleach, One Piece) is winding down with the Bleach anime ending its run after 366 episodes with a happy ending as the lead regains his powers and heads home. After 15 years of publishing and selling more than 130 million issues, Naruto manga concluded with a two part "Harry Potter" style happy ending set 10 years after the action stops.
The culture must expect a story to have a happy ending; a publisher may demand one in order to leave the fans upbeat for the next franchise. It also may be the creator's vision, since he or she must think that the characters they nurtured for so long are like family, and everyone wants their family to live on happily ever after. You can have the most violent, vile, bloody and evil action series suddenly wrap up with a tortured, stretched but positive ending.
And that is the divide in America entertainment from the Asian ending principles.
In U.S. shows, there is a greater focus on "the anti-hero," characters who are acting outside the norms of society. Their brash freedom and anti-authority beliefs still strikes a chord in the American spirit of independence, adventure and freedom.
So in U.S. shows, the hero character does not necessarily live happily ever after - - - in most cases the character's adventurous fun runs into the long arm of the law, and is crushed without any moral redemption. Breaking Bad's ending is an example of this, where the main character had no regrets for the pain he caused to others. And most fans of the show expected and accepted this ending.
With all the red shirt killings, evil mental torture, manipulations of people's souls, LOST was barreling down the road to a chaotic and explosive ending where no one was going to be saved from the dangers of the island. So a great deal of fans expected the show to end in a flurry of death and characters unable to come to terms with their faults, their lost lives, or their wasted second chances (as capsuled in Locke's earlier demise). Despite all the adventures, choices, decisions and actions of the main characters, no one found any real redemption from their evil ways, sins or regrets.
But since many fans loved their characters like close friends for six years, they were pleasantly surprised and happy that their fantasy reunion in the after life was the last images of the series. They believed the characters suffered enough in life to have some sort of reward in the next life. And that reward should be shared with their island colleagues.
There is no right or wrong answer to this theme of ending a long running show with a happy ending. It is a creative choice the writers consciously make in order to finish their vision of their characters. And with any creative endeavor, there will be various viewpoints on how successful the ending is perceived by fans.
The culture must expect a story to have a happy ending; a publisher may demand one in order to leave the fans upbeat for the next franchise. It also may be the creator's vision, since he or she must think that the characters they nurtured for so long are like family, and everyone wants their family to live on happily ever after. You can have the most violent, vile, bloody and evil action series suddenly wrap up with a tortured, stretched but positive ending.
And that is the divide in America entertainment from the Asian ending principles.
In U.S. shows, there is a greater focus on "the anti-hero," characters who are acting outside the norms of society. Their brash freedom and anti-authority beliefs still strikes a chord in the American spirit of independence, adventure and freedom.
So in U.S. shows, the hero character does not necessarily live happily ever after - - - in most cases the character's adventurous fun runs into the long arm of the law, and is crushed without any moral redemption. Breaking Bad's ending is an example of this, where the main character had no regrets for the pain he caused to others. And most fans of the show expected and accepted this ending.
With all the red shirt killings, evil mental torture, manipulations of people's souls, LOST was barreling down the road to a chaotic and explosive ending where no one was going to be saved from the dangers of the island. So a great deal of fans expected the show to end in a flurry of death and characters unable to come to terms with their faults, their lost lives, or their wasted second chances (as capsuled in Locke's earlier demise). Despite all the adventures, choices, decisions and actions of the main characters, no one found any real redemption from their evil ways, sins or regrets.
But since many fans loved their characters like close friends for six years, they were pleasantly surprised and happy that their fantasy reunion in the after life was the last images of the series. They believed the characters suffered enough in life to have some sort of reward in the next life. And that reward should be shared with their island colleagues.
There is no right or wrong answer to this theme of ending a long running show with a happy ending. It is a creative choice the writers consciously make in order to finish their vision of their characters. And with any creative endeavor, there will be various viewpoints on how successful the ending is perceived by fans.
Monday, March 24, 2014
HAPPY GOALS
If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.
— Andrew Carnegie
Carnegie was a turn of the century business mogul who obtained great happiness through the accumulation of wealth. Wealth equaled power, freedom, luxury and philanthropy.
There were only a few characters focused on a set goal.
Bernard's goal was to find a cure for Rose's terminal cancer. He failed (unless you believe the island's magic prolonged Rose's life).
Sawyer's relentless goal was to find and kill the con man who destroyed his family. He succeeded by killing Cooper on the island, but not after becoming the man he hated his entire life.
Locke had a very weak goal of finding a "new family" unit or home where he fit in as an equal. He never found one.
Jack also had a very weak goal of getting his father's approval and acceptance. He never really received that acknowledgement from Christian.
Widmore had the ruthless goal of conquering the island. He failed when Ben killed him.
Kate had the transient goal of avoiding justice for her crimes. She also failed, but she really was not punished for them.
Sayid had the goal of reuniting with the love of his life, Nadia. But he failed in his own quest, both in real life and in the after life.
Desmond also had the goal of reuniting with the love his life, Penny. He found her and they moved on together.
Charlie had the unrealistic goal of getting his band back together. But he failed. Then on the island he had the goal of saving Claire. But he also failed in that rescue promise.
Then there were many characters who really had no goals. Hurley. Boone. Shannon.
None of these stated goals and resolutions were compelling or realistic. None of these goals had profound happiness as the end result. As such, LOST is really a series of sad consequences masked by an action-adventure overlay.
There are some universal basic human goals.
1. Goal of affiliation
In the most part humans are social so they want to be liked. Rejection is no fun and we'll do almost anything to avoid it. Not only do we want approval from specific people, we also want it from society at large.
2. Goal of accuracy
People who don't care about doing things correctly never get anywhere in life. To achieve our goals in what is a complicated world, we have to be continually trying to work out the best course of action.
Influencers understand our need to be right and so they try to offer things that appeal to our need for accuracy. For example, experts or authority figures influence people heavily because they offer us a 'correct' view or way of doing things, especially one that we don't have to think too carefully about.
3. Goal of maintaining positive self-concept
People want to protect their view of themselves because it takes a long time to build up a semi-coherent view of oneself and one's place in the world. We want to maintain our self-esteem, to continue believing in the things we believe in and to honour whatever commitments we have espoused in the past. Persuaders and influencers can leverage this goal by invoking our sense of self-consistency.
Further, there are six basic attributes to build, foster and maintain an intellectual, human society:
The six basic pillars to build a sustainable society are equity, sustainability, productivity, empowerment, cooperation and security.
Equity is the idea of fairness for every person, between men and women; we each have the right to an education and health care.
Sustainability is the view that we all have the right to earn a living that can sustain our lives and have access to a more even distribution of goods.
Productivity states the full participation of people in the process of income generation. This also means that the government needs more efficient social programs for its people.
Empowerment is the freedom of the people to influence development and decisions that affect their lives.
Cooperation stipulates participation and belonging to communities and groups as a means of mutual enrichment and a source of social meaning.
Security offers people development opportunities freely and safely with confidence that they will not disappear suddenly in the future.
The main characters, at times, exhibited the three basic human goals affiliation, accuracy and positive self-esteem, but for the most part those personal goals had brooding negative connotations inside each character.
Perhaps as a result, the main characters could not come together as a cohesive community on the island because they lacked the will or consensus to build one using the six pillars equity, sustainability, productivity, empowerment, cooperation and security.
If LOST was meant to be mostly a character study of individuals and their behaviors, it is difficult to argue that the individually and collectively the main characters reached many "happy" goals or achieved happiness on the island.
Carnegie was a turn of the century business mogul who obtained great happiness through the accumulation of wealth. Wealth equaled power, freedom, luxury and philanthropy.
There were only a few characters focused on a set goal.
Bernard's goal was to find a cure for Rose's terminal cancer. He failed (unless you believe the island's magic prolonged Rose's life).
Sawyer's relentless goal was to find and kill the con man who destroyed his family. He succeeded by killing Cooper on the island, but not after becoming the man he hated his entire life.
Locke had a very weak goal of finding a "new family" unit or home where he fit in as an equal. He never found one.
Jack also had a very weak goal of getting his father's approval and acceptance. He never really received that acknowledgement from Christian.
Widmore had the ruthless goal of conquering the island. He failed when Ben killed him.
Kate had the transient goal of avoiding justice for her crimes. She also failed, but she really was not punished for them.
Sayid had the goal of reuniting with the love of his life, Nadia. But he failed in his own quest, both in real life and in the after life.
Desmond also had the goal of reuniting with the love his life, Penny. He found her and they moved on together.
Charlie had the unrealistic goal of getting his band back together. But he failed. Then on the island he had the goal of saving Claire. But he also failed in that rescue promise.
Then there were many characters who really had no goals. Hurley. Boone. Shannon.
None of these stated goals and resolutions were compelling or realistic. None of these goals had profound happiness as the end result. As such, LOST is really a series of sad consequences masked by an action-adventure overlay.
There are some universal basic human goals.
1. Goal of affiliation
In the most part humans are social so they want to be liked. Rejection is no fun and we'll do almost anything to avoid it. Not only do we want approval from specific people, we also want it from society at large.
2. Goal of accuracy
People who don't care about doing things correctly never get anywhere in life. To achieve our goals in what is a complicated world, we have to be continually trying to work out the best course of action.
Influencers understand our need to be right and so they try to offer things that appeal to our need for accuracy. For example, experts or authority figures influence people heavily because they offer us a 'correct' view or way of doing things, especially one that we don't have to think too carefully about.
3. Goal of maintaining positive self-concept
People want to protect their view of themselves because it takes a long time to build up a semi-coherent view of oneself and one's place in the world. We want to maintain our self-esteem, to continue believing in the things we believe in and to honour whatever commitments we have espoused in the past. Persuaders and influencers can leverage this goal by invoking our sense of self-consistency.
Further, there are six basic attributes to build, foster and maintain an intellectual, human society:
The six basic pillars to build a sustainable society are equity, sustainability, productivity, empowerment, cooperation and security.
Equity is the idea of fairness for every person, between men and women; we each have the right to an education and health care.
Sustainability is the view that we all have the right to earn a living that can sustain our lives and have access to a more even distribution of goods.
Productivity states the full participation of people in the process of income generation. This also means that the government needs more efficient social programs for its people.
Empowerment is the freedom of the people to influence development and decisions that affect their lives.
Cooperation stipulates participation and belonging to communities and groups as a means of mutual enrichment and a source of social meaning.
Security offers people development opportunities freely and safely with confidence that they will not disappear suddenly in the future.
The main characters, at times, exhibited the three basic human goals affiliation, accuracy and positive self-esteem, but for the most part those personal goals had brooding negative connotations inside each character.
Perhaps as a result, the main characters could not come together as a cohesive community on the island because they lacked the will or consensus to build one using the six pillars equity, sustainability, productivity, empowerment, cooperation and security.
If LOST was meant to be mostly a character study of individuals and their behaviors, it is difficult to argue that the individually and collectively the main characters reached many "happy" goals or achieved happiness on the island.
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