Though it was front and center in the series, LOST rarely tackled the issue of privilege and class.
The presumptive aspect of survival has no racial, sexist or class overtones. When Jack told the survivors that they had to work together or die alone, he meant it. He was not dividing the castaways into their social strata, he was trying to unite them toward one goal.
But sociologists and psychologists believe that everything gets filtered through class identification.
For the wealthy, it is a question of privilege over work, success or opportunity.
In LOST, the richest character was Widmore, an industrialist who obtained his vast wealth for one purpose: to reclaim "his" island from Ben. To Widmore, wealth was power. He could do anything, buy anyone, and create any world in his own image. He even broke down and bragged that he staged a fake plane crash, complete with human remains, in order to keep the island hidden from search parties.
Far from it to conclude that the rich and famous are mentally sound.
But even with the secondary characters like Shannon, who was used to being a lazy, upper class rich girl. Even in the face of the prospect of death after the plane crash, she continued to live her life as one being serviced by others. She did not work. She did not want to participate in missions. She would rather get a tan than get blisters on her hand. This attitude is a reflection of her penthouse upbringing and the ability to use her looks, charm and family name to get money, friends, booze, drugs and the other faux happiness aspects of living a jet set lifestyle. But her past did not give her the skill set to survive on the island. Her life did not give her any true or lasting friends prior to Flight 815. She learned to use her step brother, Boone, as her cleaner, her banker and her fool.
Jack grew up in upper middle class world. His father was a successful surgeon in LA. He had all the advantages of being Christian Shepherd's son. But even with an easier road to becoming the top in his profession, Jack was hollow inside because he never learned the gritty nuts and bolts of relationships. In essence, his LOST experience was the means of shedding his privileged baggage in order to learn how to deal with people and problems outside the medical field.
On the other end of the spectrum, there were many characters who did not have fame or wealth. Ben was the son of a drunken janitor. The Dharma move gave him the opportunity to amass wealth and power through barbarian practice of a coup against the island leadership. Kate was a rural farm girl who did not excel at much except getting in trouble. Though she was from a lower middle class background, she never seemed to chase wealth - - - she instead viewed life as best lived being chased by others. She became fixated on danger and heart racing challenge of escape. Locke bounced from low paying job to job with no goal or direction. He grew up bouncing from foster home to foster home. He had no family in which to mold his values or goals. As a result, he had no privilege or path as young adult. But he wanted the trappings of privilege - - - recognition, friends, money and status (the things that were dropped in the lap of Jack because of his upbringing.)
And when LOST tried to merge two different worlds together, it got the Jin and Sun story arc. Jin was the poorest of the characters - - - a fisherman's son living in a squalor village. Sun was the daughter of a rich and powerful Korean businessman. Sun's family had the connections to make things happen. Jin only had wild dreams of becoming wealthy. So when Sun rebelled against her father's controlling nature, she wed Jin who found his doorway to his rich dream. But the couple's diverse background led to issues - - - Jin quickly turned into a lower version of her father, and she began to be treated as a second class citizen. Sun, like Kate, decided that danger and upsetting the status quo would get her the attention and thrill she thought she deserved in her life. Sun had an affair, but that ended badly for her lover. She wanted to runaway, but chickened out since she realized that she loved her family's wealth more than her personal freedom.
The only couple that seemed to get along the best were Bernard and Rose. Both were middle aged professionals who had good careers. They were both hard workers. They were both easy going personalities. They truly loved each other. Since they were compatible in a social class aspect of their relationship, no one really saw the difference in their race.
In fact, LOST took a more utopian view of race. It was not taken as a flash point (with a few exceptions when Sayid was called out as suspect because of his Iraqi background). Blacks were not segregated from the main group. Michael, Eko and Walt were not excluded from the decision making process or main story lines. But if we look at the finale in the church, there was more an assembly of the well-off than those who struggled to make ends meet. Michael, Eko and Walt were not in the church reunion. The lowest class worker in the room had to be Locke, but he was there alone.
But it could be said that those members of the cast in the church had the privilege of becoming friends which each other, through thick and thin, good and bad. And that may have been the most important lesson.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
FRIENDSHIP STUDY
Just because you consider someone your friend doesn’t mean that they feel the same way. A new study, published in PLOS One, indicates that people may have more one-sided friendships than they think they do, according to an article in Science of Us.
In the study, MIT researchers asked 84 undergraduates in a class to score how well they knew other people in the class. They “asked each participant to score every other participant on a 0–5 scale, where 0 means ‘I do not know this person’, 3 means ‘Friend’ and 5 means ‘One of my best friends,’" as the paper explains. Then, the participants were asked to predict how other people would score them.
Predictably, people thought that the people who they considered their friends would also rate them as friends. But this wasn’t the case. Almost half of all the friendships reported in the survey weren’t reciprocal—meaning that only one of the two people considered the other a friend. This, the researchers note, might be about social climbing: People might be more likely to claim friendship with a person of higher social standing, while people who are popular are more choosy about who they call a friend.
Recent research has tied friendship to major health benefits, including living longer, having better mental health, and lower risk of dementia. While some studies have linked these benefits to specifically satisfying friendships, it’s harder to say whether people who have one-sided friendships actually find them unsatisfying, or if they derive just as much pleasure from interacting with people who only consider them acquaintances as with people who perceive their bond as closer. This might also add a layer of complexity to studies about social influence, which typically ask people about their perceived social networks.
One of the major takeaways from LOST's sideways church ending was that the main characters, a bunch of loners, found each other through friendship on the island. The theme that friendship will give one's life meaning and purpose was a powerful reflection to the show's conclusion. But this study shows that may also have been an illusion; if you look at the group of people sitting in the pews in the sideways church as friends - - - you would only be half right. Half of the people would not consider themselves friends with the other half.
Which then begs the question of the End: who was the "mutual" friend that brought all these people together? Most would think Jack - - - but Jack was never Sawyer's true friend (a rival, perhaps). Locke and Sawyer never hung out. Sayid and Sawyer actually fought. Just about everyone had a gripe with Sawyer. Rose and Bernard were friendly, but never good friends with anyone. They got fed up with the group to go live by themselves. The best guess of the mutual friend that everyone got along with would have been Hurley. The LOST group was then not really Jack's group, but Hurley's.
In the study, MIT researchers asked 84 undergraduates in a class to score how well they knew other people in the class. They “asked each participant to score every other participant on a 0–5 scale, where 0 means ‘I do not know this person’, 3 means ‘Friend’ and 5 means ‘One of my best friends,’" as the paper explains. Then, the participants were asked to predict how other people would score them.
Predictably, people thought that the people who they considered their friends would also rate them as friends. But this wasn’t the case. Almost half of all the friendships reported in the survey weren’t reciprocal—meaning that only one of the two people considered the other a friend. This, the researchers note, might be about social climbing: People might be more likely to claim friendship with a person of higher social standing, while people who are popular are more choosy about who they call a friend.
The
study authors gave a survey to 84 college students in the same class,
asking each one to rate every other person in the study on a scale of
zero (“I do not know this person”) to five (“One of my best friends”),
with three as the minimum score needed to qualify for friendship. The
participants also wrote down their guesses for how each person would
rate them.
Overall,
the researchers documented 1,353 cases of friendship, meaning instances
where one person rated another as a three or higher. And in 94 percent
of them, the person doing the ranking guessed that the other person
would feel the same way.
Which
makes sense — you probably wouldn’t call someone a friend, after all,
unless you thought that definition was mutual. That’s why we have terms
to capture more one-sided relationships, like friend crush or hey, I don’t really know her but I think she’s neat.
Both of which, come to think of it, might have been better descriptors
of a lot of the relationships in the study. In reality, only 53 percent
of the friendships — a small, sad, oh honey number of them — were actually reciprocal.
Some
caveats: The study was small, and all the subjects were undergraduates;
friendships change over the course of a lifetime, and it’s certainly
possible that, over time, many tenuous lopsided friendships can dwindle
to a more solid few. But the study authors also looked at a handful of
previous surveys on friendship, ranging in size from 82 people to 3,160,
and found similar results: Among those, the highest proportion of
reciprocal friendships was 53 percent, and the lowest was a bummer, at
34 percent.
“These
findings suggest a profound inability of people to perceive friendship
reciprocity, perhaps because the possibility of non-reciprocal
friendship challenges one’s self-image,” the study authors wrote. Fair
enough. No one likes to think of themselves as the unwanted hanger-on,
chasing a relationship that doesn’t really exist and maybe never will;
this blind spot, then, may be a form of emotional self-defense.
Recent research has tied friendship to major health benefits, including living longer, having better mental health, and lower risk of dementia. While some studies have linked these benefits to specifically satisfying friendships, it’s harder to say whether people who have one-sided friendships actually find them unsatisfying, or if they derive just as much pleasure from interacting with people who only consider them acquaintances as with people who perceive their bond as closer. This might also add a layer of complexity to studies about social influence, which typically ask people about their perceived social networks.
One of the major takeaways from LOST's sideways church ending was that the main characters, a bunch of loners, found each other through friendship on the island. The theme that friendship will give one's life meaning and purpose was a powerful reflection to the show's conclusion. But this study shows that may also have been an illusion; if you look at the group of people sitting in the pews in the sideways church as friends - - - you would only be half right. Half of the people would not consider themselves friends with the other half.
Which then begs the question of the End: who was the "mutual" friend that brought all these people together? Most would think Jack - - - but Jack was never Sawyer's true friend (a rival, perhaps). Locke and Sawyer never hung out. Sayid and Sawyer actually fought. Just about everyone had a gripe with Sawyer. Rose and Bernard were friendly, but never good friends with anyone. They got fed up with the group to go live by themselves. The best guess of the mutual friend that everyone got along with would have been Hurley. The LOST group was then not really Jack's group, but Hurley's.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
ADULT FRIENDSHIPS
A person has the most friends when they are young. Elementary school brings together hundreds of kids and sorts them into classes of 30 or so individuals. Team sports brings together more opportunity to add to the mix of individuals. Friendships form because kids work and play in the same environment, the school and the neighborhood. They are in contact with each other on an almost daily basis.
But as we grow older, friendships change like our individual interests. We may not realize at the time that time itself has begun to cull the friendship herd. You do not have enough hours in the day to socialize with everyone you know. Subsets of friends become more important to you.
Then, hormones take over and attraction to the opposite sex takes priority over the past. This further defines the parameters of one's social circle. Some women want their boyfriend's full and complete attention and affection. Some men want to maintain a level of freedom, going out with the guys to play sports or hang out. Everyone learns to find a balance between old friendships and demands of their most personal relationships.
Things change again when a person is out in "the real world." A job becomes a time consuming task master. Marriage and a family suddenly takes up all the old "free time." There is always something to do in one's home - - - from chores, cleaning, maintenance, kids activities and spousal duties. Even time alone on vacation becomes a logistics project. But those are the strongest bonds that can be made by an individual, in a family unit.
It is rare for adults to make many "new" friends. Colleagues at work may or may not get beyond the casual, professional co-worker status because everyone in the work place has settled into their own off-hours personal routine and lifestyle. It is harder for single people in the work place to find new deep bonds because most companies have anti-fraternization policies. You are in the work place to serve the company objectives and not to find your soul mate.
So how do adults find new adult friends? Instead of feeling sorry for one's self, or accepting the negative habits of one's daily routine, an adult needs to "work" on expanding their horizons, forcing themselves to go out and meet new people at events or places that interest them. The easiest way to open a conversation with a stranger is to have something in common to start with . . . whether it is at a charity event, an art gallery opening, a play or a coffee shop. It is not just introverts that have problems overcoming the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Extroverts have to check their energy levels so as to stop from coming off as a blow-hard or bragger. Everyone knows that first impressions (within a minute or two) are the most important message signals between people. That added pressure to be liked also adds an equal level of anxiety. It is like an NFL kicker lining up a 55 yard field goal to win the game, but this time it is a personal game of life.
You cannot make someone like you or to be your friend. The physics of force (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) does not work in personal relationships. One can forcefully try to impress another person, but that may not give back an equal level of attraction, affection or curiosity. In some situations, when a person "tries too hard," it actually repels a person away.
People are creatures of their own comfort levels. However, if a comfort level in dealing with other people is set so low as to become a hermit, then it creates a level of distrust, depression, loneliness and desperation. Some people then lock themselves in their own fantasy worlds because they cannot emotionally cope with the real world (or the perception of how they have been treated by others). For every time a person turns down a friendship offer, it is like a knife being plunged between two ribs. We all get that Life is hard. It is full of choices and demands. Everyone's path is a different quest for the same benefits of acknowledgement, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and affection.
An article from Fast Company magazine tackled the issue of making adult friendships.
It stated that while social circles increase through early adulthood, friendship networks peak and start to decrease as you move through your twenties, according to a 2013 study published in Psychological Bulletin. Researchers found that the drop in friendships was often due to marriage, parenthood, and a desire to focus on closer relationships.
Unfortunately close relationships aren’t guaranteed to last; a study by Utrecht University. It found that we lose half our close friends every seven years and replace them with new relationships.
Factors include life changes such as moves, career transitions, relationship changes, and different life stages bring a shift in our friendships and frequently leave people drifting apart. Researchers at BYU found that having too few friends is the equivalent mortality risk to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is riskier than obesity.
"When friendships themselves are healthy, they relieve stress, which is extremely beneficial for health. Most people find it hard to create a deep and meaningful friendship in adulthood, but it’s not so hard if you know what to do." says Robert Epstein, of the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology.
To cultivate new friends, a person needs consistency. People like to have friends around for whom they can count on in good times and bad. In children, it is almost automatic because you go to school, summer camp and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood until dinner is ready. Adults rarely have that kind of consistency outside of work.
Counselors suggests joining groups that meet on a regular basis, such as a associations, networking groups, book clubs, classes and workshop because when you join a group, the consistency is built in; people are already showing up without you having to invite them.
The trick is that the friendship is limited to its "container"—the group—until someone initiates gathering outside of it. If friendships aren’t practiced outside of the container, they will most die when the activity or class ends. In other words, being friendly within the confines of a group does not equate to true friendship until you move a relationship outside the parameters of the initial contact group.
Counselors also think that one can use friendship containers as long as possible, but the goal is to move out of them. Start small. Invite work friends out for lunch, happy hour or over to watch the game. The idea is to practice doing other stuff together, and glue more pieces of your lives to each other,. It can take six to eight experiences with someone before you feel like you made a friend.
To deepen relationships, research says you must be willing to be open yourself up to personal topics and disclosures. Vulnerability is the key to emotional bonding, without which relationships tend to feel superficial and meaningless.
Children are naturally put into situations in which they feel vulnerable, such as school, sporting events or on stage in front of a crowded room of parents and classmates. Adults should look for similar scenarios.
If you can put yourself and potential friends in a place of vulnerability, people tend feel needy and provide occasions for other people to provide comfort or support. An example would be to volunteer or get part-time work at a hospital or a charity.
There are times where life circumstances can lead to friendships. A single experience—such as meeting on a vacation—can produce a deep friendship that lasts a lifetime because the experience itself opens people up to share their experiences, opinions and goals. Strangers that become humanized in the eye of someone are no longer strangers. The mind's protective mechanism for protecting against danger is muted by trust.
When you are building friendships, it is important to, work hard to keep the communication upbeat. "Be conscious about the value and joy you're adding to the other person," counselors advise. And that is what friendships are about: adding positive value to a person's life. The quality of friendships help bring out the best in an individual. It is that mutuality of friendship that helps develop close bonds.
This site has written in the past about the main LOST characters and friendships. If there was a takeaway from the Ending would be the reunion was symbolic representation of the characters mutual friendships. And the series journey could be summed up as the path toward true friendships.
A common trait of the main characters was a lack of pre-island friends.
Jack apparently had no real friends. Even when he stood up to the bullies in the schoolyard, and got beaten badly for it, no one stood up for him. It seems that Jack had no siblings. His father was not a friend, but a rival. Even at the hospital, it appeared that Jack was friendly with his colleagues but spent no time with anyone outside of work. And it also was shown that Jack did not have a social life outside of the hospital. It was his "miracle" surgery for Sarah that gave him a girlfriend, then a spouse, then a bitter divorce because Jack lacked the social skills to handle a marital friendship.
Sawyer also appears to be a single child. When his parents were killed, Sawyer is comforted by his uncle. We can assume that Sawyer was then raised with his cousins, but there was no lasting bonds between family members. This was probably because Sawyer had vowed to kill the man that caused his family turmoil. As a result, he turned himself into a lone wolf, an avenger. As a con man, he purposely kept his personal life from his professional thefts. The closest thing he had to a relationship was the ill-fitting, ill-advised fling with Cassiday, one of his marks gone bad. He left her and his infant child to complete his quest of vengeance. We can assume that when Sawyer left the island, he did not return to have a life or relationship with Cassiday since she was not with him in his final journey at the church reunion.
Kate was a popular child because she was the typical girl-next-door, tomboy.We know of one childhood friend, Tom Brennan, the boy who got in trouble with her when she tried to steal a lunchbox. Later, when Kate returned to visit her mother in the hospital, Tom, now a married doctor with a small son, helped Kate get past security. When she confronted her mother seeking support for what she had done (killed her father in an explosion), her mother yelled for security. In the police chase, Tom was killed by a police bullet. One could assume that Kate, an only child, placed her mother as her best friend. When all of her classmates moved on with their lives and their dreams, Kate did not grow or leave her mother's side. Tom, who clearly believed Kate was his first puppy love, did not realize that Kate was not a true friend but merely used him like she did with the other men in her life on the run. She came close to finding friendship with another broken woman, Cassiday, who helped cause a diversion for Kate's escape. Kate never knew of Cassiday's relationship with Sawyer, but Cassiday and her shared one thing in common: the free spirit adventure of living near the edge.
Locke was another only child. But his case was different. He was abandoned by his parents at birth. His mother was institutionalized for mental illness. His father fled to be a con man, and eventually destroying Sawyer's family in the process. Locke always pushed to fit in. In school, he wanted to be part of the "popular" group which would have been the jocks. But his intellect was more science. When counseled to follow an academic path, Locke rebelled to find himself outside any group: academic or sports. He was moved to various foster homes, but never had strong relationships with the other children in those households. Throughout his life, he continued to try to find a substitute family to the discouragement of making normal, traditional friends. He would work odd jobs and have colleagues at work, but we never saw him interact with co-workers outside the work place. Locke was a true loaner but also a odd dreamer. He was quick to abandon a situation if it did not work out like he thought it should. He felt trapped and cursed by Life itself. He thought joining a commune would bring him the sense of family and belonging. But even that was a bitter illusion (as the commune was merely a front from drug manufacturer and distribution.) The only person who would accept him was Helen, a woman he met at an anger management meeting. They began to have a relationship outside of the group. Within six months, the romance had blossomed to the point where Locke gave her a key to his apartment. However, Helen knew that Locke was obsessed with tracking down his father and establishing a potential disappointing relationship with him. Helen accepted the key only if Locke would abandon is mission to connect with his father. Locke lied to her, which led to their break-up. Locke lacked the social skills to realize that Helen was the best thing he would ever find in his life. When his father broke his heart, and then his spine, Locke used to call a phone worker "Helen" as a coping mechanism to his loneliness. When Locke was ready to take his great adventure, the walkabout, he did not have a friend to share that experience. And when the operator denied him his outback adventure, it was clear that Locke's dreams died as a lonely, middle aged man. This was bitterly confirmed when no one showed up at Locke's funeral. It was also ironic that in the sideways universe, he was happily together with Helen - - - but at the final reunion, Helen was not part of it (causing one to surmise that the sideways world was a fantasy-dream state).
Hurley had a more normal friendship path. He grew up and he was very close to his father. But he was extremely hurt when his father abandoned his family; he started to eat to compensate for his loss. Even so, Hurley was still able to make acquaintances and friends because of his likeable and non-threatening personality. We know that he had at least 22 friends because he was on the deck that collapsed which led to his guilt and mental institutional treatment. But even after the accident, he still had friends. His best friend was Johnny, who he would hang out with outside of work. Hurley was also friendly with a record store clerk, Starla. In fact, Hurley got the courage to ask her out on a date. But his relationship quickly soured when Johnny got upset that Hurley failed to share his lottery win secret with him. As a result, Johnny left him and started dating Starla. Hurley was convinced that the lottery win had cursed him. The numbers he played were from one of his mental institution buddies, Lenny. But Hurley's "best" friend was his imaginary friend, Dave. Dave made many appearances during the series, including one on the island which he almost got Hurley to jump off a cliff to end the illusion that he was living. Hurley was stopped by Lilly, the girlfriend he met on the island (but in a contradiction, she was seen as a mental patient in Hurley's same day room at Santa Rosa). Hurley never recognized her as a former patient which has always been a plot point problem. As with many people, as Hurley grew older, he had less friends because he feared that bad things would happen to people around him. Like Locke, Hurley went alone on his quest to find the meaning of the numbers. He had no one he could trust with his secrets or feelings even though he got along well around other people.
Ben had a tragic childhood. His mother died at his birth, and his alcoholic father blamed him for it. His father apparently moved from odd job to odd job until he landed a position on the island. Ben came to the island as a polite 8 year old child. In the Dharma school, he met one friend, Annie, who gave him a present she made (two dolls of their likeness). Ben seemed to be a social introvert: quiet and reposed. It seemed he did not seek out friendships, but to hide in the shadows (to keep away from the wrath of his father). It seems as a boy he made a connection with Richard Alpert, one of the Others, who marveled that he could see his dead mother on the island. This gave Ben one thing to look forward to: leaving his father to become a member of the Others. He probably thought that he could make more lasting friends in the Others camp than staying with in the rigid confines of the Dharma collective. It also appears that Annie left the island during the Incident, when women and children were evacuated by Dr. Chang. At that point, Ben lost his only friend. Ben thought he did not need friends to become powerful and respected by other people. He did not want to be a low level janitor spit upon by those in leadership roles. He wanted to command the respect of people around him. When he joined the Others, he found the same constraints as in the Dharma world. He loathed Charles Widmore because of his indifference to defenseless children. Ben's first act of defiance was saving Alex, whom he then raised as his own daughter.
So when Flight 815 crashed on the island, most of the main characters on LOST were at the crossroad of their life, staring down the path of loneliness and depressive regrets. Even Bernard and Rose were struggling to beat her terminal cancer - - for Bernard, losing Rose would be losing his own life. Jin and Sun's relationship had soured to the point that Sun was willing to flee her spouse and her rich family. Michael was a man without stateside friends when he picked up his son, Walt, in Australia after his mother had passed on. Walt also appeared to be a sullen, quiet and friendless child (in some ways mirrors Ben's story line). It was only after Walt left the island and lived with his grandmother, did Walt is seen in the company of school friends living a normal life (so much so that Locke decided against trying to bring him back to the island).
For the vast majority of main characters, the island was shocking life event that allowed adult strangers, through mutual adversity, to make new friends - - - the most friends each character ever had in their lifetime. And as friends, they laughed, cried, fought, argued, worked together, solved problems and had their intimate moments. In one respect, the island and the survivors were what most of the characters had been secretly longing for in their past lives: a sense of belonging, a sense of family structure, a support system, mutual caring, mutual security, a sense of community and purpose.
But as we grow older, friendships change like our individual interests. We may not realize at the time that time itself has begun to cull the friendship herd. You do not have enough hours in the day to socialize with everyone you know. Subsets of friends become more important to you.
Then, hormones take over and attraction to the opposite sex takes priority over the past. This further defines the parameters of one's social circle. Some women want their boyfriend's full and complete attention and affection. Some men want to maintain a level of freedom, going out with the guys to play sports or hang out. Everyone learns to find a balance between old friendships and demands of their most personal relationships.
Things change again when a person is out in "the real world." A job becomes a time consuming task master. Marriage and a family suddenly takes up all the old "free time." There is always something to do in one's home - - - from chores, cleaning, maintenance, kids activities and spousal duties. Even time alone on vacation becomes a logistics project. But those are the strongest bonds that can be made by an individual, in a family unit.
It is rare for adults to make many "new" friends. Colleagues at work may or may not get beyond the casual, professional co-worker status because everyone in the work place has settled into their own off-hours personal routine and lifestyle. It is harder for single people in the work place to find new deep bonds because most companies have anti-fraternization policies. You are in the work place to serve the company objectives and not to find your soul mate.
So how do adults find new adult friends? Instead of feeling sorry for one's self, or accepting the negative habits of one's daily routine, an adult needs to "work" on expanding their horizons, forcing themselves to go out and meet new people at events or places that interest them. The easiest way to open a conversation with a stranger is to have something in common to start with . . . whether it is at a charity event, an art gallery opening, a play or a coffee shop. It is not just introverts that have problems overcoming the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Extroverts have to check their energy levels so as to stop from coming off as a blow-hard or bragger. Everyone knows that first impressions (within a minute or two) are the most important message signals between people. That added pressure to be liked also adds an equal level of anxiety. It is like an NFL kicker lining up a 55 yard field goal to win the game, but this time it is a personal game of life.
You cannot make someone like you or to be your friend. The physics of force (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) does not work in personal relationships. One can forcefully try to impress another person, but that may not give back an equal level of attraction, affection or curiosity. In some situations, when a person "tries too hard," it actually repels a person away.
People are creatures of their own comfort levels. However, if a comfort level in dealing with other people is set so low as to become a hermit, then it creates a level of distrust, depression, loneliness and desperation. Some people then lock themselves in their own fantasy worlds because they cannot emotionally cope with the real world (or the perception of how they have been treated by others). For every time a person turns down a friendship offer, it is like a knife being plunged between two ribs. We all get that Life is hard. It is full of choices and demands. Everyone's path is a different quest for the same benefits of acknowledgement, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and affection.
An article from Fast Company magazine tackled the issue of making adult friendships.
It stated that while social circles increase through early adulthood, friendship networks peak and start to decrease as you move through your twenties, according to a 2013 study published in Psychological Bulletin. Researchers found that the drop in friendships was often due to marriage, parenthood, and a desire to focus on closer relationships.
Unfortunately close relationships aren’t guaranteed to last; a study by Utrecht University. It found that we lose half our close friends every seven years and replace them with new relationships.
Factors include life changes such as moves, career transitions, relationship changes, and different life stages bring a shift in our friendships and frequently leave people drifting apart. Researchers at BYU found that having too few friends is the equivalent mortality risk to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is riskier than obesity.
"When friendships themselves are healthy, they relieve stress, which is extremely beneficial for health. Most people find it hard to create a deep and meaningful friendship in adulthood, but it’s not so hard if you know what to do." says Robert Epstein, of the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology.
To cultivate new friends, a person needs consistency. People like to have friends around for whom they can count on in good times and bad. In children, it is almost automatic because you go to school, summer camp and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood until dinner is ready. Adults rarely have that kind of consistency outside of work.
Counselors suggests joining groups that meet on a regular basis, such as a associations, networking groups, book clubs, classes and workshop because when you join a group, the consistency is built in; people are already showing up without you having to invite them.
The trick is that the friendship is limited to its "container"—the group—until someone initiates gathering outside of it. If friendships aren’t practiced outside of the container, they will most die when the activity or class ends. In other words, being friendly within the confines of a group does not equate to true friendship until you move a relationship outside the parameters of the initial contact group.
Counselors also think that one can use friendship containers as long as possible, but the goal is to move out of them. Start small. Invite work friends out for lunch, happy hour or over to watch the game. The idea is to practice doing other stuff together, and glue more pieces of your lives to each other,. It can take six to eight experiences with someone before you feel like you made a friend.
To deepen relationships, research says you must be willing to be open yourself up to personal topics and disclosures. Vulnerability is the key to emotional bonding, without which relationships tend to feel superficial and meaningless.
Children are naturally put into situations in which they feel vulnerable, such as school, sporting events or on stage in front of a crowded room of parents and classmates. Adults should look for similar scenarios.
If you can put yourself and potential friends in a place of vulnerability, people tend feel needy and provide occasions for other people to provide comfort or support. An example would be to volunteer or get part-time work at a hospital or a charity.
There are times where life circumstances can lead to friendships. A single experience—such as meeting on a vacation—can produce a deep friendship that lasts a lifetime because the experience itself opens people up to share their experiences, opinions and goals. Strangers that become humanized in the eye of someone are no longer strangers. The mind's protective mechanism for protecting against danger is muted by trust.
When you are building friendships, it is important to, work hard to keep the communication upbeat. "Be conscious about the value and joy you're adding to the other person," counselors advise. And that is what friendships are about: adding positive value to a person's life. The quality of friendships help bring out the best in an individual. It is that mutuality of friendship that helps develop close bonds.
This site has written in the past about the main LOST characters and friendships. If there was a takeaway from the Ending would be the reunion was symbolic representation of the characters mutual friendships. And the series journey could be summed up as the path toward true friendships.
A common trait of the main characters was a lack of pre-island friends.
Jack apparently had no real friends. Even when he stood up to the bullies in the schoolyard, and got beaten badly for it, no one stood up for him. It seems that Jack had no siblings. His father was not a friend, but a rival. Even at the hospital, it appeared that Jack was friendly with his colleagues but spent no time with anyone outside of work. And it also was shown that Jack did not have a social life outside of the hospital. It was his "miracle" surgery for Sarah that gave him a girlfriend, then a spouse, then a bitter divorce because Jack lacked the social skills to handle a marital friendship.
Sawyer also appears to be a single child. When his parents were killed, Sawyer is comforted by his uncle. We can assume that Sawyer was then raised with his cousins, but there was no lasting bonds between family members. This was probably because Sawyer had vowed to kill the man that caused his family turmoil. As a result, he turned himself into a lone wolf, an avenger. As a con man, he purposely kept his personal life from his professional thefts. The closest thing he had to a relationship was the ill-fitting, ill-advised fling with Cassiday, one of his marks gone bad. He left her and his infant child to complete his quest of vengeance. We can assume that when Sawyer left the island, he did not return to have a life or relationship with Cassiday since she was not with him in his final journey at the church reunion.
Kate was a popular child because she was the typical girl-next-door, tomboy.We know of one childhood friend, Tom Brennan, the boy who got in trouble with her when she tried to steal a lunchbox. Later, when Kate returned to visit her mother in the hospital, Tom, now a married doctor with a small son, helped Kate get past security. When she confronted her mother seeking support for what she had done (killed her father in an explosion), her mother yelled for security. In the police chase, Tom was killed by a police bullet. One could assume that Kate, an only child, placed her mother as her best friend. When all of her classmates moved on with their lives and their dreams, Kate did not grow or leave her mother's side. Tom, who clearly believed Kate was his first puppy love, did not realize that Kate was not a true friend but merely used him like she did with the other men in her life on the run. She came close to finding friendship with another broken woman, Cassiday, who helped cause a diversion for Kate's escape. Kate never knew of Cassiday's relationship with Sawyer, but Cassiday and her shared one thing in common: the free spirit adventure of living near the edge.
Locke was another only child. But his case was different. He was abandoned by his parents at birth. His mother was institutionalized for mental illness. His father fled to be a con man, and eventually destroying Sawyer's family in the process. Locke always pushed to fit in. In school, he wanted to be part of the "popular" group which would have been the jocks. But his intellect was more science. When counseled to follow an academic path, Locke rebelled to find himself outside any group: academic or sports. He was moved to various foster homes, but never had strong relationships with the other children in those households. Throughout his life, he continued to try to find a substitute family to the discouragement of making normal, traditional friends. He would work odd jobs and have colleagues at work, but we never saw him interact with co-workers outside the work place. Locke was a true loaner but also a odd dreamer. He was quick to abandon a situation if it did not work out like he thought it should. He felt trapped and cursed by Life itself. He thought joining a commune would bring him the sense of family and belonging. But even that was a bitter illusion (as the commune was merely a front from drug manufacturer and distribution.) The only person who would accept him was Helen, a woman he met at an anger management meeting. They began to have a relationship outside of the group. Within six months, the romance had blossomed to the point where Locke gave her a key to his apartment. However, Helen knew that Locke was obsessed with tracking down his father and establishing a potential disappointing relationship with him. Helen accepted the key only if Locke would abandon is mission to connect with his father. Locke lied to her, which led to their break-up. Locke lacked the social skills to realize that Helen was the best thing he would ever find in his life. When his father broke his heart, and then his spine, Locke used to call a phone worker "Helen" as a coping mechanism to his loneliness. When Locke was ready to take his great adventure, the walkabout, he did not have a friend to share that experience. And when the operator denied him his outback adventure, it was clear that Locke's dreams died as a lonely, middle aged man. This was bitterly confirmed when no one showed up at Locke's funeral. It was also ironic that in the sideways universe, he was happily together with Helen - - - but at the final reunion, Helen was not part of it (causing one to surmise that the sideways world was a fantasy-dream state).
Hurley had a more normal friendship path. He grew up and he was very close to his father. But he was extremely hurt when his father abandoned his family; he started to eat to compensate for his loss. Even so, Hurley was still able to make acquaintances and friends because of his likeable and non-threatening personality. We know that he had at least 22 friends because he was on the deck that collapsed which led to his guilt and mental institutional treatment. But even after the accident, he still had friends. His best friend was Johnny, who he would hang out with outside of work. Hurley was also friendly with a record store clerk, Starla. In fact, Hurley got the courage to ask her out on a date. But his relationship quickly soured when Johnny got upset that Hurley failed to share his lottery win secret with him. As a result, Johnny left him and started dating Starla. Hurley was convinced that the lottery win had cursed him. The numbers he played were from one of his mental institution buddies, Lenny. But Hurley's "best" friend was his imaginary friend, Dave. Dave made many appearances during the series, including one on the island which he almost got Hurley to jump off a cliff to end the illusion that he was living. Hurley was stopped by Lilly, the girlfriend he met on the island (but in a contradiction, she was seen as a mental patient in Hurley's same day room at Santa Rosa). Hurley never recognized her as a former patient which has always been a plot point problem. As with many people, as Hurley grew older, he had less friends because he feared that bad things would happen to people around him. Like Locke, Hurley went alone on his quest to find the meaning of the numbers. He had no one he could trust with his secrets or feelings even though he got along well around other people.
Ben had a tragic childhood. His mother died at his birth, and his alcoholic father blamed him for it. His father apparently moved from odd job to odd job until he landed a position on the island. Ben came to the island as a polite 8 year old child. In the Dharma school, he met one friend, Annie, who gave him a present she made (two dolls of their likeness). Ben seemed to be a social introvert: quiet and reposed. It seemed he did not seek out friendships, but to hide in the shadows (to keep away from the wrath of his father). It seems as a boy he made a connection with Richard Alpert, one of the Others, who marveled that he could see his dead mother on the island. This gave Ben one thing to look forward to: leaving his father to become a member of the Others. He probably thought that he could make more lasting friends in the Others camp than staying with in the rigid confines of the Dharma collective. It also appears that Annie left the island during the Incident, when women and children were evacuated by Dr. Chang. At that point, Ben lost his only friend. Ben thought he did not need friends to become powerful and respected by other people. He did not want to be a low level janitor spit upon by those in leadership roles. He wanted to command the respect of people around him. When he joined the Others, he found the same constraints as in the Dharma world. He loathed Charles Widmore because of his indifference to defenseless children. Ben's first act of defiance was saving Alex, whom he then raised as his own daughter.
So when Flight 815 crashed on the island, most of the main characters on LOST were at the crossroad of their life, staring down the path of loneliness and depressive regrets. Even Bernard and Rose were struggling to beat her terminal cancer - - for Bernard, losing Rose would be losing his own life. Jin and Sun's relationship had soured to the point that Sun was willing to flee her spouse and her rich family. Michael was a man without stateside friends when he picked up his son, Walt, in Australia after his mother had passed on. Walt also appeared to be a sullen, quiet and friendless child (in some ways mirrors Ben's story line). It was only after Walt left the island and lived with his grandmother, did Walt is seen in the company of school friends living a normal life (so much so that Locke decided against trying to bring him back to the island).
For the vast majority of main characters, the island was shocking life event that allowed adult strangers, through mutual adversity, to make new friends - - - the most friends each character ever had in their lifetime. And as friends, they laughed, cried, fought, argued, worked together, solved problems and had their intimate moments. In one respect, the island and the survivors were what most of the characters had been secretly longing for in their past lives: a sense of belonging, a sense of family structure, a support system, mutual caring, mutual security, a sense of community and purpose.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
SHIP SHAPE
John A Shedd said:
"A ship in the Harbor is Safe, but that is not what Ships are built for."
If LOST had a ship theme, it would have been more character driven: friendships, relationships and hardships.
Most of the main characters had few, if any friends. They were loners. They were depressed by their lot in life. Some may have been successful in their careers, but total losers in their social lives. The balance point was boredom.
As loners, most of the main characters had associates and acquaintances or co-workers, but no deep relationships. Romance was barely touched upon in the series. Hook ups were more carnal in nature than romantic relations.
Without friendships and relationships, the main characters were left with personal hardships. When a person does not have close friends or a spouse, they tend to focus upon themselves. They ask themselves "why" they don't have what they see around them in their own family, on television or in the culture: a happy family life. They tend to blame themselves so it turns into a descending spiral of guilt, shame, shyness, and withdrawal from society. In order to avoid rejection or being hurt by others, they find a safe harbor within their own four walls; they become deep introverts. Some then rely more upon their fantasies to cope than the reality of human companionship.
It took a plane crash to get some of the main characters out of their shells, to interact with strangers in a strange place. And in the process, they left some of their fears behind to grow into better human beings.
"A ship in the Harbor is Safe, but that is not what Ships are built for."
If LOST had a ship theme, it would have been more character driven: friendships, relationships and hardships.
Most of the main characters had few, if any friends. They were loners. They were depressed by their lot in life. Some may have been successful in their careers, but total losers in their social lives. The balance point was boredom.
As loners, most of the main characters had associates and acquaintances or co-workers, but no deep relationships. Romance was barely touched upon in the series. Hook ups were more carnal in nature than romantic relations.
Without friendships and relationships, the main characters were left with personal hardships. When a person does not have close friends or a spouse, they tend to focus upon themselves. They ask themselves "why" they don't have what they see around them in their own family, on television or in the culture: a happy family life. They tend to blame themselves so it turns into a descending spiral of guilt, shame, shyness, and withdrawal from society. In order to avoid rejection or being hurt by others, they find a safe harbor within their own four walls; they become deep introverts. Some then rely more upon their fantasies to cope than the reality of human companionship.
It took a plane crash to get some of the main characters out of their shells, to interact with strangers in a strange place. And in the process, they left some of their fears behind to grow into better human beings.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
FORGIVING FRIENDS
A recent study showed that grumpy people and those under stress do not have shorter lifespans than happy people. The norm was that unhappy people have more stress in their lives which equates to higher blood pressure and other ailments. But in a large sample study, that could not be proven.
Another study concluded that lonely people had shorter lifespans. How to quantify the amount of loneliness to shaving years off one's life is unknown. But it would seem that depressed people would be more sad and despondent which could led to chemical imbalances in their system.
So it is possible that grumpy, stressed people who have friends can have a normal lifespan.
The reason is simple: people with friends can unload their inner burdens on someone. Keeping troubles bottled up inside you may be the root cause of ailments, mental or physical. By having a supportive release makes sense since navigating personal decisions in life can be hard and daunting at times.
The more powerful, negative emotions may cause the most lingering problems. Anger, spite, frustration that wrap around someone being mad at someone else or something in their lives can be like constant large waves crashing on your psyche to erode away your thoughts and dreams.
In human relations, the most powerful tool a person has to neutralize the negative emotions is forgiveness.
To forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; or used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.
To ask for forgiveness is hard because it means you must accept and speak out that you made a mistake. On the other hand, those who feel they have been wronged or hurt by another person who is asking for forgiveness may question the sincerity of the act of forgiveness.
Friendships are like a roller coaster; there will be ups and downs. It is the overall ride that matters. If one cannot forgive a friend for a mistake, then that person truly is not a real friend.
Another study concluded that lonely people had shorter lifespans. How to quantify the amount of loneliness to shaving years off one's life is unknown. But it would seem that depressed people would be more sad and despondent which could led to chemical imbalances in their system.
So it is possible that grumpy, stressed people who have friends can have a normal lifespan.
The reason is simple: people with friends can unload their inner burdens on someone. Keeping troubles bottled up inside you may be the root cause of ailments, mental or physical. By having a supportive release makes sense since navigating personal decisions in life can be hard and daunting at times.
The more powerful, negative emotions may cause the most lingering problems. Anger, spite, frustration that wrap around someone being mad at someone else or something in their lives can be like constant large waves crashing on your psyche to erode away your thoughts and dreams.
In human relations, the most powerful tool a person has to neutralize the negative emotions is forgiveness.
To forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; or used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.
To ask for forgiveness is hard because it means you must accept and speak out that you made a mistake. On the other hand, those who feel they have been wronged or hurt by another person who is asking for forgiveness may question the sincerity of the act of forgiveness.
Friendships are like a roller coaster; there will be ups and downs. It is the overall ride that matters. If one cannot forgive a friend for a mistake, then that person truly is not a real friend.
Monday, December 14, 2015
THE LONELY DIE EARLIER
The Mirror (UK) recently published an article which stated that researchers have found that lonely people die earlier than people in relationships.
Scientists revealed why being lonely increases your chances of dying early because being lonely appears to weaken people's immune system. Researchers said their findings were independent of factors such as depression, stress and social support.
Lonely people are more likely to die early due to their immune system being weaker, according to a new study. People who do not have frequent interaction with others are 14 per cent more likely to die early as they appear to have much lower levels of white blood cells in their body.
The cells are the human body's way of battling diseases and illnesses and researchers stressed their findings were independent of other factors such as depression, stress and social support. Research shows loneliness leads to fight-or-flight signalling occurring in the body, which can lead to a drop in white blood cells for over a year weakening the immune system.
University of Chicago scientists examined gene expression in leukocytes, there are cells responsible for protecting us against bacteria and viruses. Their previous study found a link between loneliness and a phenomenon called 'conserved transcriptional response to adversity' (CTRA).
CTRA describes the effect of lonely people tending to have a weaker immune system response than those with a healthy social life. This occurs when the number of genes involved in inflammation increases and the amount of genes involved in antiviral responses falls.
The PNAS study reconfirmed these findings, but also revealed that loneliness could predict future CTRA gene expression over a year later. The researchers also found that loneliness and leukocyte gene expression appeared to provoke each other over time.
Next, research on monkeys found that the lonely primates showed higher CTRA activity.
But on a cellular level, they also found higher levels of the fight-or-flight neuro transmitter, norepinephrine. Research conducted previously has revealed norepinephrine can provoke stem cells in the bone marrow to produce more of a particular kind of immune cell - an immature monocyte.
These particular cells have high levels of inflammatory gene expression and low levels of antiviral gene. Further tests found both lonesome humans and solitary monkeys had high levels of monocytes in their blood samples.
Finally the researchers tracked the HIV version of monkeys (simian immunodeficiency virus) in isolated primates. They found the altered antiviral gene expression in "lonely like" monkeys allowed the condition to grow faster in both blood and brain.
Professor John Cacioppo said: "Taken together, these findings support a mechanistic model in which loneliness results in fight-or-flight stress signalling, which increases the production of immature monocytes, leading to up-regulation of inflammatory genes and impaired anti-viral responses. The 'danger signals' activated in the brain by loneliness ultimately affect the production of white blood cells. The resulting shift in monocyte output may both propagate loneliness and contribute to its associated health risks."
There is a connection to LOST's main characters. Each main character had traits of deep loneliness, with associated levels of stress and depression. How each dealt with it was different; Jack dived into his work to create "miracles," while Hurley took eating to mask his depression.
But it would seem that all the main characters "died" on or about their island age (if one believes that our bodies are re-united in the afterlife after death). This contradicts Christian's statement to Jack at the sideways church memorial service. But taken the presence of the main characters have not aged, and that the survivors who left the island apparently did not re-unite with loved ones post-island (i.e. having a real, long life with new people - - - including spouses, children, new friends, etc.), the conclusion is that the main characters died early, before their time.
And the only thing that could help them move along from their "lonely" pre-island existence were the friendships and bonds created in the island time period. If LOST was really the culmination of various characters dying alone but having to make "post-life" connections on the island in order to be enlightened to make it to heaven, that is a premise that some could find comforting in relation to The End.
No one wants to die alone. In fact, many people's greatest fear is dying alone.
Scientists revealed why being lonely increases your chances of dying early because being lonely appears to weaken people's immune system. Researchers said their findings were independent of factors such as depression, stress and social support.
Lonely people are more likely to die early due to their immune system being weaker, according to a new study. People who do not have frequent interaction with others are 14 per cent more likely to die early as they appear to have much lower levels of white blood cells in their body.
The cells are the human body's way of battling diseases and illnesses and researchers stressed their findings were independent of other factors such as depression, stress and social support. Research shows loneliness leads to fight-or-flight signalling occurring in the body, which can lead to a drop in white blood cells for over a year weakening the immune system.
University of Chicago scientists examined gene expression in leukocytes, there are cells responsible for protecting us against bacteria and viruses. Their previous study found a link between loneliness and a phenomenon called 'conserved transcriptional response to adversity' (CTRA).
CTRA describes the effect of lonely people tending to have a weaker immune system response than those with a healthy social life. This occurs when the number of genes involved in inflammation increases and the amount of genes involved in antiviral responses falls.
The PNAS study reconfirmed these findings, but also revealed that loneliness could predict future CTRA gene expression over a year later. The researchers also found that loneliness and leukocyte gene expression appeared to provoke each other over time.
Next, research on monkeys found that the lonely primates showed higher CTRA activity.
But on a cellular level, they also found higher levels of the fight-or-flight neuro transmitter, norepinephrine. Research conducted previously has revealed norepinephrine can provoke stem cells in the bone marrow to produce more of a particular kind of immune cell - an immature monocyte.
These particular cells have high levels of inflammatory gene expression and low levels of antiviral gene. Further tests found both lonesome humans and solitary monkeys had high levels of monocytes in their blood samples.
Finally the researchers tracked the HIV version of monkeys (simian immunodeficiency virus) in isolated primates. They found the altered antiviral gene expression in "lonely like" monkeys allowed the condition to grow faster in both blood and brain.
Professor John Cacioppo said: "Taken together, these findings support a mechanistic model in which loneliness results in fight-or-flight stress signalling, which increases the production of immature monocytes, leading to up-regulation of inflammatory genes and impaired anti-viral responses. The 'danger signals' activated in the brain by loneliness ultimately affect the production of white blood cells. The resulting shift in monocyte output may both propagate loneliness and contribute to its associated health risks."
There is a connection to LOST's main characters. Each main character had traits of deep loneliness, with associated levels of stress and depression. How each dealt with it was different; Jack dived into his work to create "miracles," while Hurley took eating to mask his depression.
But it would seem that all the main characters "died" on or about their island age (if one believes that our bodies are re-united in the afterlife after death). This contradicts Christian's statement to Jack at the sideways church memorial service. But taken the presence of the main characters have not aged, and that the survivors who left the island apparently did not re-unite with loved ones post-island (i.e. having a real, long life with new people - - - including spouses, children, new friends, etc.), the conclusion is that the main characters died early, before their time.
And the only thing that could help them move along from their "lonely" pre-island existence were the friendships and bonds created in the island time period. If LOST was really the culmination of various characters dying alone but having to make "post-life" connections on the island in order to be enlightened to make it to heaven, that is a premise that some could find comforting in relation to The End.
No one wants to die alone. In fact, many people's greatest fear is dying alone.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
SOCIAL MEDIA THEORY
It's something everyone suspected, but now it's official: The under-30 crowd is addicted to their cell phones.
Those are the findings of a new survey, which showed that as millennials spend more time engaged on social media platforms, it's causing them to be less social in real life. The study, conducted by Flashgap, a photo-sharing application with more than 150,000 users, found that 87 percent of millennials admitted to missing out on a conversation because they were distracted by their phone.
Meanwhile, 54 percent said they experience a fear of missing out if not checking social networks.
Nearly 3,000 participants were asked about how they felt about social media in social settings, and found that the guiltiest culprits are often females. The study found 76 percent of females check social media platforms at least 10 times when out with friends, compared with 54 percent of males.
The most commonly used apps mentioned in social settings among millennials were Snapchat, Tinder, Facebook, Messenger and Instagram.
Julian Kabab, co-founder of FlashGap said that people are too focused on looking at social media when they're out at events, and it may be costing them in social interaction. "People miss out on parties because they want to see what's going on, on social networks, take beautiful selfies and add filters to their pictures," he told CNBC.
It especially becomes a problem when there is alcohol involved and regrets the next morning. The survey found that 71 percent of users regret posting a picture on a social network after more than three drinks.
FlashGap's findings echo a similar study conducted in 2014, where research suggested that cell phones were increasingly undermining personal interactions. A West Virginia University report said that "the presence of mobile technologies has the potential to divert individuals from face-to-face exchanges, thereby undermining the character and depth of these connections."
Concerns are growing that the practical impact of mobile device use is making humans more interested in their online lives, and less interested in each other. Yet Kebab told CNBC his intent for FlashGap was to help millenials make their experiences more relevant in real life.
One of the reasons so many young people are drawn into social media circles is that they have less and less real interaction with their peers. If they are on a school sports team, they practice and play everyday so there is little to no time to interact with other kids. If they are study demons, they have little time to interact with anyone except their study group. The ease of quick instant messaging has eased the vacuum of forced scheduling of student lives has on their socialization.
One LOST fan theory was that the entire premise of the show was that it was really a fantasy, social media exchange between lonely, distant, strangers. The elements of this premise were part of the overall fabric of the show. The hook ups were cold and not meaningful like sexting. The friendships were at times impersonal to rude like commentators to trolls commenting on a personal blog. Opinion was more important than actual, verified facts which is a common complaint of the internet.
Another recent report shows that teenagers now spend approximately 9 hours each day using electronic devices. That is a staggering amount of small screen time away from doing normal things like going outside, riding a bicycle, going to a movie, hanging out at the park with friends, etc. They spend more time on their smart technology than in school or sleeping. So this technology is soaking up much of their conscious time it has to affect their dream time - - - or supplants it.
And that could be the engine for the LOST story lines, haphazard, changing, conflicting and fantasy dream constructs that led to a quick turn happy ending that most individuals want in their own stories.
Those are the findings of a new survey, which showed that as millennials spend more time engaged on social media platforms, it's causing them to be less social in real life. The study, conducted by Flashgap, a photo-sharing application with more than 150,000 users, found that 87 percent of millennials admitted to missing out on a conversation because they were distracted by their phone.
Meanwhile, 54 percent said they experience a fear of missing out if not checking social networks.
Nearly 3,000 participants were asked about how they felt about social media in social settings, and found that the guiltiest culprits are often females. The study found 76 percent of females check social media platforms at least 10 times when out with friends, compared with 54 percent of males.
The most commonly used apps mentioned in social settings among millennials were Snapchat, Tinder, Facebook, Messenger and Instagram.
Julian Kabab, co-founder of FlashGap said that people are too focused on looking at social media when they're out at events, and it may be costing them in social interaction. "People miss out on parties because they want to see what's going on, on social networks, take beautiful selfies and add filters to their pictures," he told CNBC.
It especially becomes a problem when there is alcohol involved and regrets the next morning. The survey found that 71 percent of users regret posting a picture on a social network after more than three drinks.
FlashGap's findings echo a similar study conducted in 2014, where research suggested that cell phones were increasingly undermining personal interactions. A West Virginia University report said that "the presence of mobile technologies has the potential to divert individuals from face-to-face exchanges, thereby undermining the character and depth of these connections."
Concerns are growing that the practical impact of mobile device use is making humans more interested in their online lives, and less interested in each other. Yet Kebab told CNBC his intent for FlashGap was to help millenials make their experiences more relevant in real life.
One of the reasons so many young people are drawn into social media circles is that they have less and less real interaction with their peers. If they are on a school sports team, they practice and play everyday so there is little to no time to interact with other kids. If they are study demons, they have little time to interact with anyone except their study group. The ease of quick instant messaging has eased the vacuum of forced scheduling of student lives has on their socialization.
One LOST fan theory was that the entire premise of the show was that it was really a fantasy, social media exchange between lonely, distant, strangers. The elements of this premise were part of the overall fabric of the show. The hook ups were cold and not meaningful like sexting. The friendships were at times impersonal to rude like commentators to trolls commenting on a personal blog. Opinion was more important than actual, verified facts which is a common complaint of the internet.
Another recent report shows that teenagers now spend approximately 9 hours each day using electronic devices. That is a staggering amount of small screen time away from doing normal things like going outside, riding a bicycle, going to a movie, hanging out at the park with friends, etc. They spend more time on their smart technology than in school or sleeping. So this technology is soaking up much of their conscious time it has to affect their dream time - - - or supplants it.
And that could be the engine for the LOST story lines, haphazard, changing, conflicting and fantasy dream constructs that led to a quick turn happy ending that most individuals want in their own stories.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
LONELINESS ANSWER
One of the major themes in LOST was loneliness. Many of the major characters were traditional loners. Why people are lonely has lead to many research and literary articles. As a society and community, we believe that human beings need social interaction in order to live well-rounded lives.
There are times that some people need their "alone" time. Introverts actually need this lonely time in order to re-energize themselves for future tasks that make them uncomfortable, including work and social settings.
There are times that some people need their "alone" time. Introverts actually need this lonely time in order to re-energize themselves for future tasks that make them uncomfortable, including work and social settings.
We
may sometimes try to convince ourselves that we'd be better off if we
remained alone, but why do people decide to stay lonely? New York Magazine published an article examines that question and discovers a surprising explanation.
There are health issues that arise from being lonely. In fact, "loneliness increases a
person's risk of mortality by 26 percent, an effect comparable to the
health risks posed by obesity, according to a study published this
spring." Loneliness can also lead to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
With these risks, why would one choose to be lonely? As NY Mag
notes, "One long-held theory has been that people become socially
isolated because of their poor social skills and, presumably, as they
spend more time alone, the few skills they do have start to erode from
lack of use."
However, with the help of recent studies, this is a big misconception. It's not that lonely people lack social skills or can't understand them; rather, when expected to use them they "choke."
Professor Megan L. Knowles of Franklin and Marshall College conducted an experiment in order to find out why this
happens. In her research, Knowles led four experiments that demonstrated "lonely people's tendency to choke when under social pressure."
In one experiment, Knowles and her team tested the
social skills of 86 undergraduates, showing them 24 faces on a computer
screen and asking them to name the basic human emotion each face was
displaying: anger, fear, happiness, or sadness.
When put to the test, lonely participants did much
better than their non-lonely counterparts. However, this was only the
case when the lonely participants were told they were taking a general
knowledge test.
Why would lonely people be better at reading
emotions than non-lonely people? It's believed that "lonely people may
be paying closer attention to emotional cues precisely because of their
ache to belong somewhere and form interpersonal connections, which
results in technically superior social skills," according to the study.
So, lonely people actually don't want to be lonely — it's their desire to belong that causes them to seem like they lack social skills. They know how to be social, but they're too concerned about choosing the correct social cues to make a good impression.
Who would want to feel this pressure all the time? This is exactly why some people prefer to keep to themselves. Perhaps, it is just easier not to confront and control your own inner turmoil.
It may come down to confidence in themselves. Many people fear that they will say or do the wrong thing, upset other people or look foolish to strangers. Or, they may believe that people will not like them for who they are. But all people have those same fears and anxieties. It is becoming self-aware of your issues, then overcoming them through experience and growing a close group of friends that you respect, trust and who will mutually support each other.
It may come down to confidence in themselves. Many people fear that they will say or do the wrong thing, upset other people or look foolish to strangers. Or, they may believe that people will not like them for who they are. But all people have those same fears and anxieties. It is becoming self-aware of your issues, then overcoming them through experience and growing a close group of friends that you respect, trust and who will mutually support each other.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
SIMPLE CURE
As public understanding of mental illness grows, it is increasingly
old news to point out that telling depression sufferers simply to "cheer
up" is not an effective treatment. Most ordinary people believe that mental illness is all emotional or conscious behavior. It is more than that simple notion.
Beyond the basic understanding that depressive symptoms correspond to a chemical imbalance in the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, modern science still has yet to provide a reliable solution to the multitude of undesirable psychological conditions grouped under the heading of “depression.”
At best, pharmaceutical aids and psychological counseling can significantly alleviate depression’s effects, but the most effective treatment varies from one individual to another and is generally unpredictable (as well as time-consuming and sometimes costly). A recent study from the University of Warwick, however, suggests a more natural treatment for depression: time spent with friends.
Evidence to support this bit of advice, which isn’t as trite as it initially sounds, can be found in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, where researchers published their peer-reviewed results.
Head researcher Edward M. Hill, a PhD student specializing in public health and infectious disease epidemiology, analyzed data from the 1994-1995 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health, which surveyed respondents enrolled in grades 7-12 (roughly corresponding to ages 13-18). During in-home interviews, the respondents listed up to ten friends, five male and five female, and indicated the presence or absence of symptoms associated with depression.
When Hill and his co-authors modeled the data 10 years later, they found that “adolescents with five or more healthy (that is, non-depressed) friends have half the probability of becoming depressed over a six-to-12-month period compared to adolescents with no healthy friends.”
For the young respondents unlucky enough to already be exhibiting depressive symptoms, “adolescents with 10 healthy friends have double the probability of recovering from depressive symptoms over a six-to-12-month period compared to adolescents with three healthy friends.”
In other words, healthy, happy friends were a strong influence in making a healthy, happy individual.
Fortunately, the emotional cause-and-effect seemed to be a one-way street: depressed individuals exerted no negative influence on their healthy friends. However, there is an evident paradox here, in which the individuals most likely to benefit from the cheering impact of time spent with healthy companions are also the most likely to self-segregate, thereby denying themselves an opportunity for exposure to those with more positive outlooks.
The message, then, is not only that the depressed should seek happiness in the glow of others, but also that healthy friends should do their part to uplift their struggling loved ones, even if doing so simply entails spending more time with them.
In LOST, one the better themes and life lessons was the power of friendship. Most of the main characters had no true friends. There were workaholics, loners, depressed individuals with no drive, dreams or ambition. We pass these type of people on the street every day. They just blend into the background.
What friendship was in the series was various unrelated characters coming together in order to survive. In real life, true friends mean daily survival from the depressing daily routine so many people fall into these days. True friends cherish and respect their friends. Their happiness is tied to other's happiness. In a world that is now less personal (through technology that eliminates the need for one on one personal contact or interaction), friendships grow stronger when both parties open and honestly communicate with each other. As a result, this support allows both parties to thrive and overcome the demons that plague everyone at some time during their lives.
Beyond the basic understanding that depressive symptoms correspond to a chemical imbalance in the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, modern science still has yet to provide a reliable solution to the multitude of undesirable psychological conditions grouped under the heading of “depression.”
At best, pharmaceutical aids and psychological counseling can significantly alleviate depression’s effects, but the most effective treatment varies from one individual to another and is generally unpredictable (as well as time-consuming and sometimes costly). A recent study from the University of Warwick, however, suggests a more natural treatment for depression: time spent with friends.
Evidence to support this bit of advice, which isn’t as trite as it initially sounds, can be found in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, where researchers published their peer-reviewed results.
Head researcher Edward M. Hill, a PhD student specializing in public health and infectious disease epidemiology, analyzed data from the 1994-1995 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health, which surveyed respondents enrolled in grades 7-12 (roughly corresponding to ages 13-18). During in-home interviews, the respondents listed up to ten friends, five male and five female, and indicated the presence or absence of symptoms associated with depression.
When Hill and his co-authors modeled the data 10 years later, they found that “adolescents with five or more healthy (that is, non-depressed) friends have half the probability of becoming depressed over a six-to-12-month period compared to adolescents with no healthy friends.”
For the young respondents unlucky enough to already be exhibiting depressive symptoms, “adolescents with 10 healthy friends have double the probability of recovering from depressive symptoms over a six-to-12-month period compared to adolescents with three healthy friends.”
In other words, healthy, happy friends were a strong influence in making a healthy, happy individual.
Fortunately, the emotional cause-and-effect seemed to be a one-way street: depressed individuals exerted no negative influence on their healthy friends. However, there is an evident paradox here, in which the individuals most likely to benefit from the cheering impact of time spent with healthy companions are also the most likely to self-segregate, thereby denying themselves an opportunity for exposure to those with more positive outlooks.
The message, then, is not only that the depressed should seek happiness in the glow of others, but also that healthy friends should do their part to uplift their struggling loved ones, even if doing so simply entails spending more time with them.
In LOST, one the better themes and life lessons was the power of friendship. Most of the main characters had no true friends. There were workaholics, loners, depressed individuals with no drive, dreams or ambition. We pass these type of people on the street every day. They just blend into the background.
What friendship was in the series was various unrelated characters coming together in order to survive. In real life, true friends mean daily survival from the depressing daily routine so many people fall into these days. True friends cherish and respect their friends. Their happiness is tied to other's happiness. In a world that is now less personal (through technology that eliminates the need for one on one personal contact or interaction), friendships grow stronger when both parties open and honestly communicate with each other. As a result, this support allows both parties to thrive and overcome the demons that plague everyone at some time during their lives.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
HAPPINESS AS A CURE
At various levels, many of the characters on LOST were lost in a state of depression.
Claire with an unwanted baby; Locke without a true family; Jack without the respect of his father; Hurley with abandonment issues; Kate with alleged abuse issues.
If LOST itself was one big, tortured group therapy session to end manic depression, well, there is a little science that would back up that point.
Claire with an unwanted baby; Locke without a true family; Jack without the respect of his father; Hurley with abandonment issues; Kate with alleged abuse issues.
If LOST itself was one big, tortured group therapy session to end manic depression, well, there is a little science that would back up that point.
Happiness not only spreads, it could actually help prevent depression, according to a new study.
Depression is not contagious, according to a new study published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society. Happiness, however, is more likely to spread between friends, and the
results from the study may help remove some of the stigma surrounding
depression.
The World Health Organization estimates that 350 million people
are currently living with depression. Preliminary studies have now shown that social support and friendships may be a major factor in lifting people out of depressive states. A detailed study shows some empirical
evidence that happiness is contagious, and that those who befriend
depressed people are not in danger of becoming depressed themselves.
Researchers
examined data from over 2,000 teenagers who had reported their network
of friendships and answered questions about their levels of happiness as
part of an earlier research project. Based on the survey results, the
scientists classified each student into either a “low mood” (depressed)
category a or “healthy mood” (not depressed) category. Then, they mapped
out friendships and ran computer simulations to determine whether
happiness and sadness spread between friends like an infectious disease.
The conclusion that depression is not contagious is supportive. However, some people can still be uncomfortable or get down around a depressed friend of relative. Who has not been around a party pooper?
Meanwhile, happiness not only spreads—it may prevent (and even help
people recover from) depression. The model suggests that teens with five
or more happy friends have half the probability of suffering from
depression over a six to 12-month period than teens without no “healthy
mood” friends. And adolescents with 10 healthy friends have more than
double the probability of recovering from depressive symptoms.
“This
was a big effect that we have seen here,” said Thomas House,
mathematics professor at the University of Manchester and coauthor on
the study.
“It could be that having a stronger social network [the real-life
version, not Facebook] is an effective way to treat depression.”
Since
the study suggests teens are not at risk of “catching” depression from
their friends, and having happy friends may prevent and even pull teens
out of depression, House and his colleagues stress that it is important
to promote any friendship between adolescents. Friendship is a win-win,
the study says—it can’t hurt, but it may be both protective and
curative.
“If
we enable friendships to develop among adolescents (for example
providing youth clubs) each adolescent is more likely to have enough
friends with healthy mood to have a protective effect,” House said in a
prepared statement. “This would reduce the prevalence of depression.”
One of the true lessons of the LOST series was the importance of people finding the bonds of true friendships. It changed people's lives. It allowed them to move past the baggage of their prior lives, to set a path for a better self and better future.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
CLOSURE
Some things end. Some things end when you least expect them to end; friendships and relationships.
How they end may be as important as why they ended.
When one person breaks off a friendship or relationship cold turkey, this may lead the other person bewildered, confused, and in shock. If that person does not know what he or she did wrong, the pain of loss is intensified by the lack of closure.
Closure is the act or process of closing something in the a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work or a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.
The LOST experience mirrors real life in many ways. For die hard fans, the characters in the show were their weekly friends. They bonded with their stories, hopes and dreams. They were so involved in their lives that they took to the internet to debate, defend and marvel in their characters attributes and stories. So many people were going to take it hard when LOST ended just as any bond of friendship or affection ends in real life.
At least in the series, the producers were given the opportunity to wrap up what they considered the important loose ends to give the main characters a send off to the heavens. More fans than not accepted the finale as being the resolution they wanted for their characters, their friends and themselves. The journey was not a waste of time. It was just a sad reminder that the six years together was over. Only memories remain.
In real life, some people do not get the opportunity to say goodbye in a relationship. Suddenly, a person is taken away by an accident or sudden death. Sometimes friendships fade away from neglect or fear that they may become too serious for one person. Sometimes relationships end in a heated way that leaves the parties bitter and hurt. Sometimes the pain lingers because one person in a relationship does not have the opportunity to say "I'm sorry," or even "goodbye." The lack of closure takes a greater toll than the known or unknown reason for the break-up.
Even fans who hated LOST's ending can still feel that the series and their relationship to the show ended with real closure. They know how things ended. They know the characters got together as part of their bonds of friendship. Certain characters found their true loves. It may have been overly sweet and cliche ending, but none the less, an ending.
Many TV shows are canceled between seasons, with a cliffhangers or characters in limbo. This is the worst type of fan purgatory - - - not knowing what was going to happen. Unless the show is rescued by a Netflix, Amazon or other secondary outlet, there will always be a "what if?" haunting question in the viewer's mind. That question is also pondered in real life. It is not a good feeling. But sociologists tell us that even the harshest questions about other people will fade over time.
How they end may be as important as why they ended.
When one person breaks off a friendship or relationship cold turkey, this may lead the other person bewildered, confused, and in shock. If that person does not know what he or she did wrong, the pain of loss is intensified by the lack of closure.
Closure is the act or process of closing something in the a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work or a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.
The LOST experience mirrors real life in many ways. For die hard fans, the characters in the show were their weekly friends. They bonded with their stories, hopes and dreams. They were so involved in their lives that they took to the internet to debate, defend and marvel in their characters attributes and stories. So many people were going to take it hard when LOST ended just as any bond of friendship or affection ends in real life.
At least in the series, the producers were given the opportunity to wrap up what they considered the important loose ends to give the main characters a send off to the heavens. More fans than not accepted the finale as being the resolution they wanted for their characters, their friends and themselves. The journey was not a waste of time. It was just a sad reminder that the six years together was over. Only memories remain.
In real life, some people do not get the opportunity to say goodbye in a relationship. Suddenly, a person is taken away by an accident or sudden death. Sometimes friendships fade away from neglect or fear that they may become too serious for one person. Sometimes relationships end in a heated way that leaves the parties bitter and hurt. Sometimes the pain lingers because one person in a relationship does not have the opportunity to say "I'm sorry," or even "goodbye." The lack of closure takes a greater toll than the known or unknown reason for the break-up.
Even fans who hated LOST's ending can still feel that the series and their relationship to the show ended with real closure. They know how things ended. They know the characters got together as part of their bonds of friendship. Certain characters found their true loves. It may have been overly sweet and cliche ending, but none the less, an ending.
Many TV shows are canceled between seasons, with a cliffhangers or characters in limbo. This is the worst type of fan purgatory - - - not knowing what was going to happen. Unless the show is rescued by a Netflix, Amazon or other secondary outlet, there will always be a "what if?" haunting question in the viewer's mind. That question is also pondered in real life. It is not a good feeling. But sociologists tell us that even the harshest questions about other people will fade over time.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
RELATIONSHIPS
There is a fine line between the strong bonds of friendship to the depth of romantic relationships.
Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection; a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. It also means a great interest and pleasure in something like "his love for football" or "we share a love of music."
Because the two definitions overlap, it may cause problems between two individuals on what each perceives as their status together.
The word "love" comes from Old English "lufu," of Germanic origin; from an Indo-European root shared by Sanskrit "lubhyati" meaning desires and Latin "libet" for ‘it is pleasing,’ libido ‘desire.’
We attempt all the time to please our friends. It is a means to maintain and strengthen one's friendship. We do so by sharing time together, events, memories and ideas. A good friend wants to reach out to support another friend in a time of need.
When things get criss-crossed is when one so loves being around a friend of the opposite sex that deeper feelings begin to well up inside. It may stun or frighten the other friend to find out that affection for each other has turned into attraction.
Affection is an emotional state of a gentle feeling of fondness or liking that can have physical expressions of these feelings such as greetings or hugs. It's roots come from Middle English and Old French from Latin "affectio" from "afficere" to mean to influence.
Closely related (and hence confusing) is attraction. Attraction is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something. It is a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire. It also comes from Middle English from Latin "attractio," from the verb "attrahere" (to attract).
Attraction is the action to cause (someone) to have a sexual or romantic interest in someone; "it was her beauty that attracted him."
The tightrope is very narrow. Friends have affection (love) to be around each other because of mutual interests, experiences and support. That is the internal emotion state. Attraction is the action of taking affection to another level (to "be in love" with another person).
It is because these two emotional states are so close together but represent two vastly different concepts that gets people into trouble. You can only try to make someone fall in love with you. Some people try too hard. Some people don't try hard enough. Some people get caught up in a moment. Some people make mistakes confusing affection with attraction, to the point of destroying a good friendship.
Many people may find attraction the first and only means of finding true love. It may be shallow, but in a subconscious, guarded way it makes sense because we one wants to test the waters you first go to the shallow end and not dive into the more dangerous the deep end. But there is no rule against doing it the other way - - - since most couples want their lover to be their best friend.
There is little to no logic in this situation. This is an emotional gambit that can end three ways: working out, breaking up or maintaining the status quo of friendship. The sad fact is that many great friendships have been lost by the mere fact that affection turns to non-mutual attraction.
Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection; a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. It also means a great interest and pleasure in something like "his love for football" or "we share a love of music."
Because the two definitions overlap, it may cause problems between two individuals on what each perceives as their status together.
The word "love" comes from Old English "lufu," of Germanic origin; from an Indo-European root shared by Sanskrit "lubhyati" meaning desires and Latin "libet" for ‘it is pleasing,’ libido ‘desire.’
We attempt all the time to please our friends. It is a means to maintain and strengthen one's friendship. We do so by sharing time together, events, memories and ideas. A good friend wants to reach out to support another friend in a time of need.
When things get criss-crossed is when one so loves being around a friend of the opposite sex that deeper feelings begin to well up inside. It may stun or frighten the other friend to find out that affection for each other has turned into attraction.
Affection is an emotional state of a gentle feeling of fondness or liking that can have physical expressions of these feelings such as greetings or hugs. It's roots come from Middle English and Old French from Latin "affectio" from "afficere" to mean to influence.
Closely related (and hence confusing) is attraction. Attraction is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something. It is a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire. It also comes from Middle English from Latin "attractio," from the verb "attrahere" (to attract).
Attraction is the action to cause (someone) to have a sexual or romantic interest in someone; "it was her beauty that attracted him."
The tightrope is very narrow. Friends have affection (love) to be around each other because of mutual interests, experiences and support. That is the internal emotion state. Attraction is the action of taking affection to another level (to "be in love" with another person).
It is because these two emotional states are so close together but represent two vastly different concepts that gets people into trouble. You can only try to make someone fall in love with you. Some people try too hard. Some people don't try hard enough. Some people get caught up in a moment. Some people make mistakes confusing affection with attraction, to the point of destroying a good friendship.
Many people may find attraction the first and only means of finding true love. It may be shallow, but in a subconscious, guarded way it makes sense because we one wants to test the waters you first go to the shallow end and not dive into the more dangerous the deep end. But there is no rule against doing it the other way - - - since most couples want their lover to be their best friend.
There is little to no logic in this situation. This is an emotional gambit that can end three ways: working out, breaking up or maintaining the status quo of friendship. The sad fact is that many great friendships have been lost by the mere fact that affection turns to non-mutual attraction.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
MAN'S BEST FRIEND
There had to be a mutual benefit. For a small family unit of hunter-gatherers, a dog with its keen senses, could help with safety and security of the camp against other wild animals or attacks from other clans. A dog could also be useful in the hunt to gather food. A dog could also be a comforting companion in the camp when the men were aware foraging for food or shelter materials. Dogs could also give the children a sense of love and play that we often see in nature specials with various canine pups.
From a dog's perspective, becoming part of a human family had its benefits as well. Humans were the top predator and dogs have an innate sense of hierarchy structure. Canines also have the instinct to bond with other members of their pack in a family structure of mutual support and protection. Those values are similar to those in the human family unit. That is why dogs and humans get along so well.
They may be different but at some core level they are the same.
In today's modern society, dogs continue to play an important role in people's lives. Dogs do provide a sense of security against strange noises in the middle of the night (especially if you are a single woman). Dogs do provide owners with unconditional loyalty and affection. Dogs also provide their owners with a sense of balance in their daily lives; a diversion against the normal grind. People need to impart themselves in a tangible way in order to feel good about themselves. Dog owners are kind, giving, generous and supportive of their pet's needs. A dog gives in return a non-judgmental, pure and unconditional love that feeds a personal's emotional state (heart and soul).
Dog owners tend to live healthier lives. According to WebMD, households who have pets have less frequency of allergies or breathing ailments. Pet owners tend to have more opportunity for social engagements as they walk their dogs in parks. From a physical standpoint, pets require their owners to exercise more (through walks and household play).
Pet owners are far less likely to suffer from depression
than those without pets. The benefit is especially pronounced when
people are strongly attached to their pets, according to several studies.
People in high stress positions or had high blood pressure who had pets had less stress and lower blood pressure than did people without pets. People in stress mode get a burst of harmful chemicals like cortisol and
norepinephrine can negatively affect the immune system. Some of these chemicals are linked to plaque buildup in arteries which is a precondition for heart disease.
Like any enjoyable activity, playing
with a dog can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine -- nerve
transmitters that are known to have pleasurable and calming properties. Therefore, dogs have a natural healing element with the relationship with their owners. Dogs allow owners to have a sense of balance, purpose and a better quality of life than those without pets.
Human beings are social animals. Men and women need relationships in order be complete and fulfilled in their lives. Dogs and pets are not a full substitute for a lasting pair bond, but dogs do elevate the happiness factor in a person's life.
In LOST, Vincent was Walt's dog but in reality he was everyone's dog. He was a wandering presence throughout the island who would attach himself to anyone who really needed an unspoken friend. He was there when Walt lost his mother. He was there when Shannon lost her brother. He was there to silently comfort Jack in the end when Jack closed his eyes in the bamboo field for the final time.
A dog is a valued member of a family. When we lose a pet, we lose a family member. There is sadness. There is grief. Perhaps that is another basic reason man brought dogs into their family was to teach their children the cycle of life and death since pets lived shorter lives than men and women. The takeaway is that pets enrich and fulfill people's lives in an uncompromising way. And when they are gone, they are never forgotten. Their inner strength, affection and friendship is what remains forever in a dog owner's heart.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
LONERS
A loner is from parts unknown: a recluse, introvert, lone wolf, hermit, solitary, misanthrope, outsider.
John Locke was such a person. He kept other people from getting too close to himself. He feared that he would be hurt with any new, close relationship - - - still deeply broken from the abandonment by his own parents.
Boone was also a loner. We never saw him in a happy, personal relationship. He was working for the family business, or rescuing his step-sister, Shannon. He was so committed to solving family issues that he allowed his own personal life to atrophy and wither.
That is why both Locke and Boone were alone at the sideways church.
But society still frowns upon such behavior. Loners are deemed losers in many cultures. It is said that it is better to love and lost, then to never have loved at all. But at the surface, could either Locke or Boone actually be loved?
In order to be loved, a person needs to love themselves first. They need to have inner confidence to allow themselves to expose their deeply secret thoughts and emotions to another human being. For many, this is a difficult task to achieve. They think they can never meet the expectations of others. They think their flaws are magnified to monster status. They fear the unknown consequences of opening their heart, and the possibility that they will be crushed by rejection.
The only true haven for loners is the company of other loners. The series was filled with such characters, drifting through their lives with little purpose or goals. It was the plane crash that forced them to concede the fact that their lives had forever changed; that fate had brought them all together to break down their personal barriers in order to forge something foreign to most of them: solid friendships.
Friends can accomplish many amazing things. And true friendships between men and women can lead to every lasting love, as seen with the coupling of Sawyer-Juliet, Jack-Kate, Charlie-Claire and Rose-Bernard.
Friday, December 26, 2014
TO HIS OWN DRUMBEAT
"If a man does not keep pace with his companion, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer"? - - - Henry David Thoreau
Companionship is the keystone to the foundation of human relationships.
It is often taken for granted by couples.
One's compassion and passion are the mortar that sets companionship to the solid foundation of the relationship.
In all of the LOST relationships, only one truly met the requirement for a lasting love affair: Rose and Bernard. All the rest of the main characters were missing some real compassion or passion for their partner. For example, Sayid may have felt sympathy for Shannon after losing Boone, and had a passionate spark for her, but Shannon's M.O. was to find a man, anyone, who would support her. Her only asset was her good looks. That was not a solid relationship in any sense of the term.
The same goes for Jack and Kate. Kate used her charm to bounce around from man to man in order to get something from him: protection, money, a hideout, or escape. Jack did not seem to have the passion to hold on to Kate, and Kate was never head over heels in love with Jack during their island time. If she was, she would have never left a bleeding Jack after they defeated MIB/Flocke.
Besides Rose and Bernard, the main characters of the show walked to their own drummers because they were loners, lost in their own fears, self-esteem issues and social awkwardness that stunts human growth.
Companionship is the keystone to the foundation of human relationships.
It is often taken for granted by couples.
One's compassion and passion are the mortar that sets companionship to the solid foundation of the relationship.
In all of the LOST relationships, only one truly met the requirement for a lasting love affair: Rose and Bernard. All the rest of the main characters were missing some real compassion or passion for their partner. For example, Sayid may have felt sympathy for Shannon after losing Boone, and had a passionate spark for her, but Shannon's M.O. was to find a man, anyone, who would support her. Her only asset was her good looks. That was not a solid relationship in any sense of the term.
The same goes for Jack and Kate. Kate used her charm to bounce around from man to man in order to get something from him: protection, money, a hideout, or escape. Jack did not seem to have the passion to hold on to Kate, and Kate was never head over heels in love with Jack during their island time. If she was, she would have never left a bleeding Jack after they defeated MIB/Flocke.
Besides Rose and Bernard, the main characters of the show walked to their own drummers because they were loners, lost in their own fears, self-esteem issues and social awkwardness that stunts human growth.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
INTERCONNECTION
Advice columnist Ann Landers made in the 1990s this observation on the benefits of the Internet:
"It's wonderful for the lonely. There are a great many lonely people out there, and it makes them feel that they're a part of the living world. They can talk to somebody. Somebody will talk to them. And I think it's wonderful."
The characters in LOST fit that description a decade after she wrote those words.
Each of the main characters in the series were alone. A few had abandonment issues; a few had self-esteem issues; some were socially awkward; some harbored deep pain and resentment that they could not share with anyone. Loneliness is a yoke that chokes off a person's socialization in their community. Loners tend to withdraw into themselves. They tend to live in their own room, isolated from outside contact. There are few avenues of expression. They guard themselves against anything new, because they believe they will get hurt in the end.
So the characters have issues, deep issues.
The series focal point was Numbers, people as data. The candidates were numbers. The airplane was a number. The survivors were numbers. Numbers equate to a mathematical system, such as the basis of computer programs, modules and levels.
Some theorized that LOST represented the in-game, on-line community of loners who find their own community playing a survival game called LOST on the internet. Each person shown in the series is a representative avatar of a real person isolated in their dark, lonely room, waiting for interaction and missions with their "on-line" co-players. Like in any game, there are teams competing for something (power, control, territory, kills). The island is their game map. Exploration is part of the fun. Danger is part of the game play. How players interact with other is a key component to the outcome of the game itself. And that final reward for "winning" the game (through escape, sacrifice, redemption or whatever sub-code reward there is) was going to Heaven.
Simple ending to a complex on-line game which had little rules (or at least confusing rules).
"It's wonderful for the lonely. There are a great many lonely people out there, and it makes them feel that they're a part of the living world. They can talk to somebody. Somebody will talk to them. And I think it's wonderful."
The characters in LOST fit that description a decade after she wrote those words.
Each of the main characters in the series were alone. A few had abandonment issues; a few had self-esteem issues; some were socially awkward; some harbored deep pain and resentment that they could not share with anyone. Loneliness is a yoke that chokes off a person's socialization in their community. Loners tend to withdraw into themselves. They tend to live in their own room, isolated from outside contact. There are few avenues of expression. They guard themselves against anything new, because they believe they will get hurt in the end.
So the characters have issues, deep issues.
The series focal point was Numbers, people as data. The candidates were numbers. The airplane was a number. The survivors were numbers. Numbers equate to a mathematical system, such as the basis of computer programs, modules and levels.
Some theorized that LOST represented the in-game, on-line community of loners who find their own community playing a survival game called LOST on the internet. Each person shown in the series is a representative avatar of a real person isolated in their dark, lonely room, waiting for interaction and missions with their "on-line" co-players. Like in any game, there are teams competing for something (power, control, territory, kills). The island is their game map. Exploration is part of the fun. Danger is part of the game play. How players interact with other is a key component to the outcome of the game itself. And that final reward for "winning" the game (through escape, sacrifice, redemption or whatever sub-code reward there is) was going to Heaven.
Simple ending to a complex on-line game which had little rules (or at least confusing rules).
Thursday, August 28, 2014
MOTIVATION
There were many driven characters on LOST. But what really motivated them?
POWER. Widmore was hellbent on reclaiming the island. In his banishment from the island, he amassed a great deal of wealth in order to "find" "his" island.
His son, Daniel, was looking for a different kind of power. One that could control time, as his lab rat experiments at Oxford would show was possible. But in his search for intellectual power, Daniel severely injured his assistant - - - and stopped his progress to attain power and its prestige.
Jack held the power of life and death over his severely injured patients. As a surgeon, his skill level would determine whether he would help or harm at patient. As with his father's demise for medical negligence, there is a fine line between being a miracle worker and a fraud.
CONTROL. Sawyer wanted to control his life after his parents deaths. He wanted to control his future for one event: revenge on Cooper. It gave him a narrow vision; and ironically turned himself into the person he hated most. He learned the skills of control by being a con man - - - looking deeply into the greed and desires of others, to manipulate them to his advantage.
Likewise, Ben wanted control of the island, not for the power but for the respect he never gathered from his own father. He banished Widmore so the Others would look up to him as their sole leader. Ben tightened his control by surrounding himself with new hires loyal to him.
However, Locke had the same want of being able to control his future as he received no respect from his father. But Locke failed because he never could formulate a workable plan where other people would follow his lead. And during the course of failure after failure, Locke became a bitter person.
Eloise was also a control freak. She knew of future events, and manipulated people like Desmond to get her chess pieces in place so she could have her own after death fantasy family life with a doting son and husband.
But those actions above were not the true motivations of people seeking power or control. The real motivation throughout the characters were their fear of loneliness. Widmore, Ben, Jack, Sawyer and Locke all battled against the stress of loneliness.
Kate was a flirty, gregarious child who got into trouble in order to connect with other people. She turned into a loner because she wanted to run away from commitment. But she found that made her even more alone.
Hurley always felt abandoned and alone when his father left him. Then his one best friend left him after he kept a secret from him. Hurley felt that he could trust no one with his new found wealth so he was crazed with the fear that his life would be one lonely road.
Desmond never fit in because he really did not want to try. He feared commitment so he took to the idea of being a loner. But after he met Penny, he wanted to free himself from the chains of loneliness but could not bear the confidence of being able to support Penny or win over her family.
In order to combat their lonely existence, the main characters found new hope when they were thrown together in an island survival story. None could make it on their own. "Live Together or Die Alone." They needed the friendship of each other in order to make their lives meaningful. They needed their friendships in order to move on with their lives. This is probably the clearest theme in the series.
POWER. Widmore was hellbent on reclaiming the island. In his banishment from the island, he amassed a great deal of wealth in order to "find" "his" island.
His son, Daniel, was looking for a different kind of power. One that could control time, as his lab rat experiments at Oxford would show was possible. But in his search for intellectual power, Daniel severely injured his assistant - - - and stopped his progress to attain power and its prestige.
Jack held the power of life and death over his severely injured patients. As a surgeon, his skill level would determine whether he would help or harm at patient. As with his father's demise for medical negligence, there is a fine line between being a miracle worker and a fraud.
CONTROL. Sawyer wanted to control his life after his parents deaths. He wanted to control his future for one event: revenge on Cooper. It gave him a narrow vision; and ironically turned himself into the person he hated most. He learned the skills of control by being a con man - - - looking deeply into the greed and desires of others, to manipulate them to his advantage.
Likewise, Ben wanted control of the island, not for the power but for the respect he never gathered from his own father. He banished Widmore so the Others would look up to him as their sole leader. Ben tightened his control by surrounding himself with new hires loyal to him.
However, Locke had the same want of being able to control his future as he received no respect from his father. But Locke failed because he never could formulate a workable plan where other people would follow his lead. And during the course of failure after failure, Locke became a bitter person.
Eloise was also a control freak. She knew of future events, and manipulated people like Desmond to get her chess pieces in place so she could have her own after death fantasy family life with a doting son and husband.
But those actions above were not the true motivations of people seeking power or control. The real motivation throughout the characters were their fear of loneliness. Widmore, Ben, Jack, Sawyer and Locke all battled against the stress of loneliness.
Kate was a flirty, gregarious child who got into trouble in order to connect with other people. She turned into a loner because she wanted to run away from commitment. But she found that made her even more alone.
Hurley always felt abandoned and alone when his father left him. Then his one best friend left him after he kept a secret from him. Hurley felt that he could trust no one with his new found wealth so he was crazed with the fear that his life would be one lonely road.
Desmond never fit in because he really did not want to try. He feared commitment so he took to the idea of being a loner. But after he met Penny, he wanted to free himself from the chains of loneliness but could not bear the confidence of being able to support Penny or win over her family.
In order to combat their lonely existence, the main characters found new hope when they were thrown together in an island survival story. None could make it on their own. "Live Together or Die Alone." They needed the friendship of each other in order to make their lives meaningful. They needed their friendships in order to move on with their lives. This is probably the clearest theme in the series.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
FRIENDS
Life
is difficult for everyone. We all have stress and we all need someone
in our lives that we can lean on. Never think that you cannot talk to
someone because they have problems too or that your friend or loved one
would be better off without you or your problems. You'll soon find out
that they need you just as much as you need them.
— Joshua Hartzell
The consensus is that the cast members who wound up in the sideways church at the End needed each other in order to get into the after life.
That may be true, but were they really friends?
Friendship is the emotional bond and personal conduct of individuals towards others in their group; a state of mutual trust and support.
It is fairly clear that most of the main cast had no true friends prior to landing on the island. We never saw them hanging out shooting the breeze with a friend or close colleague. Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Sayid, Locke, Desmond - - - they really were loners. Hurley and Charlie used to have best friends, but events changed and broke those relationships. Even Ben had one childhood friend, but we don't know what ever happened to her. Due to Ben's power lust, he had no adult friends but followers.
But even throughout the island events, the main characters really did not form strong bonds or undivided loyalty or trust amongst each other.
Jack never trusted Locke. Locke never trusted Jack.
Kate was flippant on whom she aligned herself with, either Sawyer or Jack.
Hurley was friendly to everyone on the island, but he was probably closest to Charlie until Charlie decided to make his move with Claire.
Sawyer only trusted Sawyer.
Ben sought the trust of the candidates, but it was all a manipulation.
How Ben became Hurley's island buddy post-Jack guardianship is one of those mysteries that we will never know. Congenial colleagues, maybe.
So in the church, we have a mixture of people who really did not get along with each other. Rose and Bernard left the group over the group's petty bickering and insane confrontations with danger. Desmond was always the lone outsider in the group after the Hatch imploded. Penny was never part of the island circle. And Jack and Kate's relationship was one of love-hate; why they sat together was that was the best leftover among the group. Even Locke had no friend sitting next to him in the church finale. In the sideways world, he had a perfect life with Helen. But she was not with him. How sad was that?
I think friendship is a major theme in the series. But even throughout the dangers of the island, the bonds of friendship between the major characters was weak. Many veterans come back from the battlefield stating that the men in the foxholes became their best friends. It was the situation and need to survive that brought units of individuals together as a single mind. But once they return home, and disperse across the country, it is rare that those veterans keep in contact. They move forward in their lives.
The concept of moving forward is another theme in the series. But even as the island events ended, it seems the LOST souls never truly wanted to move on. That is evidenced by the fact that they wound up together in the church, not knowing what would come next.
The consensus is that the cast members who wound up in the sideways church at the End needed each other in order to get into the after life.
That may be true, but were they really friends?
Friendship is the emotional bond and personal conduct of individuals towards others in their group; a state of mutual trust and support.
It is fairly clear that most of the main cast had no true friends prior to landing on the island. We never saw them hanging out shooting the breeze with a friend or close colleague. Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Sayid, Locke, Desmond - - - they really were loners. Hurley and Charlie used to have best friends, but events changed and broke those relationships. Even Ben had one childhood friend, but we don't know what ever happened to her. Due to Ben's power lust, he had no adult friends but followers.
But even throughout the island events, the main characters really did not form strong bonds or undivided loyalty or trust amongst each other.
Jack never trusted Locke. Locke never trusted Jack.
Kate was flippant on whom she aligned herself with, either Sawyer or Jack.
Hurley was friendly to everyone on the island, but he was probably closest to Charlie until Charlie decided to make his move with Claire.
Sawyer only trusted Sawyer.
Ben sought the trust of the candidates, but it was all a manipulation.
How Ben became Hurley's island buddy post-Jack guardianship is one of those mysteries that we will never know. Congenial colleagues, maybe.
So in the church, we have a mixture of people who really did not get along with each other. Rose and Bernard left the group over the group's petty bickering and insane confrontations with danger. Desmond was always the lone outsider in the group after the Hatch imploded. Penny was never part of the island circle. And Jack and Kate's relationship was one of love-hate; why they sat together was that was the best leftover among the group. Even Locke had no friend sitting next to him in the church finale. In the sideways world, he had a perfect life with Helen. But she was not with him. How sad was that?
I think friendship is a major theme in the series. But even throughout the dangers of the island, the bonds of friendship between the major characters was weak. Many veterans come back from the battlefield stating that the men in the foxholes became their best friends. It was the situation and need to survive that brought units of individuals together as a single mind. But once they return home, and disperse across the country, it is rare that those veterans keep in contact. They move forward in their lives.
The concept of moving forward is another theme in the series. But even as the island events ended, it seems the LOST souls never truly wanted to move on. That is evidenced by the fact that they wound up together in the church, not knowing what would come next.
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